Mansplaining 2025

Another post in my sporadic 'Advice for the Bewildered' series

Sandy from Saskatoon writes:

Kind of smoky down Minnesota way, eh?

Dave says:

It’s ok. We had it coming.

Dwight from Free Wheel writes:

Hey, Dave.  It's time for a new bike.  Should I jump on the e-bike bandwagon?

Dave writes: 

Here's the deal.  Ask yourself these 4 questions and if the answer is yes to any, get the e-bike.

1) Do you hate to exercise?  An e-bike gives you access to the great outdoors without any exertion.

2) Do you have artificial knees or alzheimer's? This doesn't absolutely exclude a traditional bike, but it's problematic.

3) Do you ever need to transport your bike on a vehicle? E-bike transport requires a reinforced bumper, improved suspension or a trailer with a ramp. The trailer option requires the previous stuff too, plus a 3 point hitch. No way you can lift it onto the roof.

4) Do you enjoy having traditional bike riders shouting curses at you as you sail by at 30mph on a 10mph trail? 

Let me know what you decide.

Cheryl from Downtown asks:

Hey Dave. What are you thoughts on the WNBA?

Dave says:

Last year I was in love with the skill, the creative playmaking, the amazing shooting and the pace of the WNBA game. It was great entertainment. But then. This year the play has become more akin to rugby or a street fight than basketball. They are mimicking the NBA in order to stifle the great shooters in the league and injuries are happening left and right. They are destroying a great entertainment product.  I watched one game recently where the refs at least tried to control the muggings and it was a one continuous parade to the free throw line - another fan turnoff. 

Sean from Fox River writes: 

Hey, Dave, aren’t tariffs the perfect answer to our fiscal problems? We get Mexico and China to pay down our deficit.

Dave says:

Well Sean, that’s not exactly how tariffs work. You should start keeping a graph of coffee & car prices & corn flakes over the next year and perhaps you will discover who really pays tariffs. The fact is the importer pays the tariff and then recoups by hiking retail prices.  It’s a well known fact.  Of course, facts have little relevance these days.

Ringo from Liverpool writes:

Hey, Dave. Scored your McCartney tix yet?

Dave says:

I don’t think I’m going to spring for a thousand bucks to hear an ancient rocker, and a left-handed one at that. The number of 60’s era geriatric groups reviving themselves, cavorting about on stage like the youth they are not, it’s embarrassing. But I might pay the 60’s ticket price of $5 for a Dylan concert. 

Liam from Lethbridge asks:

Hey, Dave. Did you know that your state bird, the loon, has solid bones? I think it’s the only non-hollow boned avian?  And also, why is the Canadian dollar called a ‘loonie’?

Dave says:

Well, Liam, you could have gotten the answers to these questions in a nano-second from AI in a dry, nicely formatted report. But that would not be as entertaining as this. As I’m sure you know, the Canadian dollar coin, surprise, has a loon pictured on its reverse side - hence, no mystery to the nickname. Now as to the solid bones. The solid bones add mass to the loon and allows it to dive deep in their pursuit of a fish dinner. You have perhaps seen ducks trying to dive. They end up with their bill under water and butts in the air. Too buoyant. Of course, solid bones makes it more difficult to get into the air but loons manage. They need 100 yards of lake and paddle their feet on top of the water to pick up enough speed. Watch a youtube video of a loon takeoff. Pretty cool.  And there are other solid boned avians. Most are condemned to flightlessness due to the weight of those bones - think penguins, ostrich.  You know, I’m thinking this could be a Nature episode. The loon is a beautiful bird with a beautiful song and is a marvelous state bird. The only downside is the human definition of “loony".

Will & Charlie from Rochester comment:

Hey, Dave.  Did you know once you’ve accumulated five specialists on your care team, your days are numbered?

Dave says:

Oh, oh.  What’s the number? And out of curiosity, why did you name your medical facility after a condiment?

Jackson from Parlor asks:

Hey Dave.  Do you have a tat?

Dave says:

I am an aging male of Scandinavian heritage, so no. I can see myself with a sagging, unreadable “Born to be Wild” tat with me sitting drooling in a wheel chair in the home. It's not a pleasant thought. I know people with tats and on occasion have even asked them to tell me about them. In many cases, it is something very personal and important to them. So, I certainly can appreciate a tattoo that (subtly) states a strong personal tenet or a treasured memory in a word or symbol. Full body canvas performance art is a bit over the top for me. It's kind of irreversible in'it? But que sera sera.

Fema from Florida writes:

Fires, floods, hurricanes, tsunamis, deadly heat. Is this the end of the world?

Dave says:

Very likely.

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin

The Duck Pass

 

I am betting most of you don't have a piece of geography named for you.  No Pike’s Peak, Hudson Bay, Cook Islands, Bolivia, Eiffel Tower, Hennepin Ave or Lowry. Many people claim Lake Superior was named for them but almost all of those claims are bogus. But I have actual proof - a map - unaltered - showing "Hoplin Creek" running between Stowe lake and Little Chippewa Lake and terminating at Redick Swamp and Devil's Lake, a distance of well over 2 miles. Pretty impressive, eh? 

My great-grandfather Nils Hoplin immigrated from Norway in 1879, worked on JJ Hill’s railroad and bought a small farm bordering Little Chip in1884, adding parcels over the years (see My People for Nil's Story). The farm was situated just north of Brandon off County Road 7 and south of lakes Little Chippewa, Baumbach and Devils. His son Ole and sisters inherited the farm upon Nil's death in 1927. Sisters Antoinette & Berit, known as Nettie & Bessie, lived on that farm until old age <see Brandon Farm for a deep dive into the place>. There was a 3rd sister, Nikoline, but she married the neighbor boy so maybe she lost out. And there was an older brother Peter who by rights of primogeniture should have been the sole inheritor but he was a county commissioner and hardware man and lost a race for the state legislature so he perhaps had no interest in farming. 

Ole moved from Brandon to Lowry with his new bride in 1916 and built a Swedish style home there in 1929, just before the crash (see Depression Years). After Nils’ death, Ole operated the farm remotely with the help of numerous hired hands, making frequent forays from Lowry to Brandon to plant, harvest, cut hay and do chores.  

 

Sisters left/right & unknown @ farmhouse

Mail route between barn and farmhouse

 

A gravel county road - the mail route - passed between the farmhouse and the barn so the furniture in the farm home was generally dust covered throughout the summer. The farmhouse was pretty much abandoned in the summer, except for sleeping. There was no indoor plumbing and no electricity until the REA came along in 1938. My father tells a story of rusty screens on the upstairs windows. There was a separate structure, termed the "summer kitchen" where food preparation and meals were taken.  Today all the structures are gone and there is no evidence of a road ever being there. 

Summer Kitchen
Nils & grandchildren. My father far right.

Grandfather Ole was an electrician, plumber, hardware owner, undertaker and part time farmer, but I never knew him him to be a hunter, which makes the existence of the "duck pass" a mystery. 

Little Chip and Baumbach are separated by a rather high, tree covered ridge. Baumbach, in particular seemed to attract large flights of ducks. Ole's idea was to clear that ridge of trees to encourage the ducks to fly over to Little Chip and the slaughter that awaited them as they passed over that land bridge. And when Ole put his mind to something, it generally happened. The Duck Pass was born. 

Ole proceeded to clear the timber between the lakes and made his dream a reality. I know some relatives who took advantage but I never heard of Ole ever bagging any ducks. I don't think Esther ever served duck, so ... what the heck? Maybe his dream was selling the timber. Anyway, the Duck Pass has passed into family lore. 

At some point, Uncle Lynn coaxed a chunk of that real estate away from a reluctant Ole and built a rustic cabin on that duck pass. The land has quite recovered its foliage over the years. On donated land adjoining Little Chip, Douglas County has created a lovely county park. Chippewa Park. Stop by if you're in the area. 

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin
 

Brinksmanship

In post WWII politics, brinksmanship, the practice of pursuing a dangerous policy to the limits of safety before stopping, was political gospel, epitomized by Secretary of State John Foster Dulles and the Cold War of the 50's that gave us the Korean War and the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 where the US and USSR brought the threat of nuclear extinction "to the brink". Thankfully, in 1962, Khrushchev blinked, although I believe there were two blinks - the US coincidentally removed some missile sites in Turkey shortly thereafter. Sanity prevailed.

Back then threats of the 'bomb' and fear of 'preemptive strikes' were part of daily life but over time these worries subsided as the Berlin Wall fell and the USSR crumbled. But I am old enough to remember the tension of those momentous 13 October days. Schools staged "duck and cover" drills instructing students to kneel under their desks with hands covering their heads. Bizarre. Walter Cronkite's newscasts were grim.

Our current political environment seems to have regressed to the days of being constantly on edge as brinksmanship is reincorporated across the board as the first policy option. The world is being managed by the 'Art of the Deal'. Brazen threats have displaced diplomacy and compromise.

Tariffs and threats of tariffs to force the world into economic submission. Bomb your enemies into submission. Deport your population into homogeneity. Eliminate entire agencies, cut funding and generally inject chaos into government. Threats to sovereign countries with invasion and annexation. Passively watching Russia's unending conflict with Ukraine with nuclear threats rampant. Israel and Iran at war (again) with more nuclear threats and calls for 'unconditional surrender'. Marines on the streets. Denial of due process and abductions off the streets generating fear. Increasingly virulent political language. Unpardonable pardoning. A politically motived assassination of a beloved Minnesota legislator. Pressure on Congress to pass unpopular measures under the threat of being "primaried". (The obsession of members of Congress to retain their office at the cost of abandoning any integrity they might have had when entering that august body is unconscionable.)  

We have of course frequently witnessed threat followed by pull-back followed by re-threat - a seeming endless cycle. This constant bombardment of crises push people into despair. No wonder. I do not trust the judgement of this administration to know where the brink is or how to avoid it. And judging by the number and size of protests, I am not alone. I had expected the Supreme Court to serve as the counter balance, but now, with a hyper-sensitive 'popularity hound' in charge, I believe the court of public opinion is the last bulwark. 

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin

Ponder These Things

 

I am reading the book, The Interrogative Mood by Padgett Powell.  It is comprised solely of questions, thousands of them, one after another in seemingly random, stream of consciousness, run-on style. It's billed as a novel but I have yet to discover any plot. But it's fascinating, however I can't read more than a couple pages at a time.  It's exhausting. One person has claimed to have written an answer to each and every question.  I am skeptical.

I here offer up a random sampling of the interrogatives, roughly equivalent to one of the 164 pages of the book.  I'm pretty sure Professor Powell would not object. It might even sell him a few copies.  

“Do you know anything at all about the circumstances by which Leon Trotsky, in exile in Mexico City, happened to be assassinated with an ice ax? How many screwdrivers do you think is necessary for able-bodied normal household maintenance? Have you ever been catheterized? In your opinion, does the human brain receive a special benefit from chocolate? What does "it just goes to show you" mean? Why do 'making hay' and 'haymaker' have substantially different meanings? Can you recall eating crayons? Have you ever watched bats coming out of a wall? How the soft, friendly things keep pouring out of the brick? How they have focus and mission and you do not? How they will never need a colonoscopy and you will? What is the fastest you have ever gone in an automobile?

Have your forays into plumbing been successful? Do you have the patience for pick-up-sticks? How many people per hundred would you say are asses? Do you comprehend how more casualties on the battlefield can be said to render previous casualties on the battlefield not to have been in vain? Do you listen to classical music but feel you don't ever really advance past knowing it's better than it sounds? Do you take pills you are not precisely sure you can identify? Have you ever not been disappointed by a banana split? Do you have plans for long-term improvement or have you just about given up in that area? Do you know what culottes are? Can you handle honey without getting it on your fingers? Have you hunted ducks, and if so, did you use decoys, and if so, did the decoys seem to make the hunting unfair? Have you ever managed to pet a chicken? Do you travel in better underwear than you wear on a daily basis? Do you know the names of your great grandparents?

Have you ever participated in a cakewalk? Do you know much about plate tectonics? Has your experience with bankers been positive, in general? If you were to find an unopened stick of Juicy Fruit on the sidewalk, would you chew it? Have you ever heard the saying 'life is a sandwich of activity between two periods of bed-wetting'? Have you ever fished with Niblet corn? Do you care for Laurel & Hardy? Would you like more ballroom skills than you now have? Does having to call Ping-Pong "table tennis" strike you as an abomination? Are you disturbed by, amused by or indifferent to foul language on t-shirts and bumper stickers? Do you know what is meant by the term 'pipe dope'?"  

"Is there trouble in Paradise?”

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin

Steal This Post

I looked.  Mine is not in the list.

My blog is not popular.  Most of my posts garner from 100 to 200 hits. I don't write for the masses :-). Actually I write for my own pleasure. But I like to think my writings go to only the most discerning readers. But some posts surprise me and have readership in the thousands.  Why is that?  Thanks to Google no doubt.

But, let me speculate.

1. Titles that play well with Google get lots of accidental views, like this one perhaps, or the attempt at satire How to Hire a Programmer that fakes out hiring managers looking for tips. There's a lesson there - be careful following random links. Miss Woods Training School for Teachers of Young Children hits several search hot buttons. Minnesota Not So Nice attracts Iowa readers.

2. Mayhem, death and destruction seem to play well. Mayhem in Ben Wade Township,  Death & Destruction, The Bank , Mitmoen Revisited

3. Most anything Lowry related draws a crowd. Lowry Area Honor Roll,  Lowry's Latvian DP's, Photographic History of the Village of Lowry, The Red Brick School, The Rink, Big Time Tales, Doris the Riveter, Lowry Pioneers, Herman and Dave's Excellent Adventure, Town Team (6 posts), Melting Pot, Nicknames, Martin and Marian, Lowry to the Rescue,  

4. Pope County area posts are occasionally popular. GHS 1927: Absolute Zero, Pope County Arcana, Red River Ox Carts, KCMT. 

5.Humor and advice columns are risky as you are bound to offend someone, but sometimes it works. How to do Lutheran, Weighty Matters, Men Listen Up

6. Pictures & recipes are an easy win. Backyard Wonders, Scandinavian Delicacies. 

7. Posts about the Twin Cities score pretty well. Minnesota's Hidden Ford Plants, Nicollet Island, Minneapolis Nordeast, Bridges of Hennepin County, Diversions

8. Surprisingly, my immigrant stories are fan favorites. Johanna's Journey, My People - The Journey, The Family Name, Fageras to Brandon 1886, Immigrant Stock

9. Personal stories I love to write. Hoplin & Nelson Hardware, USSBB62, A Prairie Salt, Twinkie Factory, Workup, Brain Drain, A Life, Othelia's Story (8 posts) with companion posts Serendipity , Serendipity 2, Serendipity 3 

And of course, shameless self promotion is sometimes effective.

This post took an inordinately long time to "write" as I ended up reading most of those referenced.  Some I found passable (see above statement)

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin

Deep Thoughts Vol 9

You can stop hiccups with a pinch of sugar under the tongue. No fooling.

“Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important."  Eugene McCarthy 

I’ve been accused of being sardonic. I think that’s a form of wit but that may be only half right. 

Backyard decks have replaced front porches.  The decline of neighborliness.

Tariffs are a way to extract money from the general population and give it to oligarchs via tax policy.  You know this is true.

The 'Golden Years' should really be the 'Iron Years' since we gradually rust out.

"The Pulpit, The Press and The Novel are the greatest molders of public opinion and public morals."  Frank Norris 1902.  But today, church attendance is plummeting, journalism is on the cower and few people are readers. So public opinion and morality, at the mercy of demagogues, are on the same downward trajectory.

Just finished book #8 of Caimh McDonnell's Dublin Trilogy. Now hoping to get to the Beach Boys' 20th annual farewell tour.

You might have noticed this post makes this series a triple-trilogy. I hear you saying 'enough already' but I am determined to stay one ahead Caimh. And in these times, these things practically write themselves, so there you go.

Some good coping advice for these times. "Get a colonoscopy. Forgive yourself, be nicer to people, order the good wine."  Scott Galloway  (Not so enthusiastic about the colonoscopy part)

“What I’m feeling is moral shame: To watch the loss of your nation’s honor is embarrassing and painful.”  David Brooks

The Twins lineup stands pat from 2024, except for replacements at 1st base & outfield, tho new guys are downgrades in my opinion. This is a lineup that tanked dramatically at last season end. All the other American League Central teams look improved so I see the Twins right there challenging the Sox for last.

With all the drama around Twins on/off television rights I was worried I’d be forced back to radio days for my baseball fix. Now, with Twins.tv I watch what has been so far essentially unwatchable baseball. e.g. seven overthrows of first base and counting by Twin's pitchers. Seven!

Would you believe it is 34 years since the Twins’ World Series win?  Kirby’s number.

SNAP (aka food stamps) is on the cutting board. Three-fourths of SNAP recipients live below the poverty line ($26,000/yr for a family of 3). Two-thirds are elderly, children or disabled. Families in rural America depend on SNAP more than cities. The irony is that in the communities that grow our food, many cannot afford healthy meals.

"Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?" Joseph Welch, at Army-McCarthy Hearings 1954

"Memory sustains man in the world of life."   Samuel David Luzzatto

I find joy when immersed in Lutheran congregational hymn singing.

I wish for you the sailor's prayer: Fair winds and a following sea.

There is no need for FEMA. That is, until there it is in your backyard.

The most highly praised books are rarely read. The fat classics almost never.

"There's nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the world outside your head is different from the world inside your head."  Thornton Wilder

I have reached the point that when I drop something, I stop and ponder whether I really need it.

If you were facing the maw of oblivion what piece of wisdom would you leave behind? 

Remember the last time you experienced frisson? What caused it?

How does discarding civil servants, veteran programs, educators, artists, scientists, students, medical researchers, doctors, food and drug safety inspectors, FEMA, Head Start, SNAP, Voice of America, PBS, AmeriCorps, immigrants, National Parks, trade relationships, universities, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, World Health Organization, stock market, allies, NATO ... provide value to our country?

Every generation wishes a better life for their children & grandchildren. Will that promise hold? I worry for my grandchildren's future.

Read more novels. You will gain empathy, much needed in this world. And you will go to places and experience cultures you likely never otherwise would.

Back on my bike, a major concern is crossing intersections with cars turning right while looking left. Had that near-run-thing with a school bus just the other day. Now I also have to worry about eBikes on the trails whizzing past me at 30mph.

The Vietnam War ended 50 years ago, April 30, 1975.

Garage sales are great fun unless they happen to be your own.

Electrical engineering is the study of how to get the rocks to do math. Beleaguered EE student.

These new-fangled gas cans are impossible to pour from if you have arthritic hands. Time for a solar mower. My consolation is these product designers someday too will be old.

I think ice cream may be nature’s most perfect food. Perhaps augmented with apple pie.

If you had any doubt we live in unusual time, Congress redefines time: “Each day for the remainder of the first session of the 119th Congress shall not constitute a calendar day for purposes of section 202 of the National Emergencies Act with respect to a joint resolution terminating a national emergency declared by the President on February 1, 2025.”  The gambit removes the ability for any House members to use an expedited process to force a vote on repealing the tariffs.

Adding to my vocabulary. History washing.

A poll of US scientists finds 75% are considering relocating to Canada or Europe. Other countries are in recruiting mode.

Time to pony-up and help keep your favorite non-profit afloat.

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin

The Agony of Defeat

Chicago Cub fans have long been the poster children for the suffering sports fan. The Cubs won the 1907 World Series and repeated in 1908. They were looking like a dynasty with Three Finger Brown and the double-play combination of Tinker to Evers to Chance, immortalized by a Franklin Adams poem.  Actually, that infield was no better than any other but the 2-2-1 syllable mix rolls off the tongue and fits the poem's need. And Harry Steinfeldt became a trivia answer. Then, placed under "The Curse of the Billy Goat" by a fan ejected from Wrigley Field when he brought his pet goat to the stadium, the Cubs proceeded to lose 7 World Series over the course of 108 years, finally breaking the curse with a World Series win in 2016. Ironically, they defeated the Cleveland Indians who had last won in 1948. They are still waiting.

The Red Sox, a close second in woe to the Cubs, were the most successful team in the early years of the World Series play, winning 5 times between 1903 and 1918. But in 1919, the Red Sox sold the Babe to the Yankees and as a result played thereafter under the "Curse of the Bambino".  Ted Williams, perhaps the best hitter in baseball history, never got a ring. The curse was finally broken after 86 years in 2004, the Sox avenging their 1946 and 1967 losses to the Cardinals. To make matters worse, the fans were punished with agonizing season ending losses. Think Enos F Slaughter, Bucky F Dent and Billy F Buckner.

So who's next in line for the pity party. 

I would argue it's the Minnesota Sports Fan. We are rarely surprised  by joy. It would be nice to be on the front end of the Wide World of Sports slogan occasionally. 

Metropolitan Stadium

I am old enough to remember when the Washington Senators moved  in 1961 to Minnesota and Metropolitan Stadium with vaunted pinch hitter Elmer Valo and a bunch of other over-the-hill players. Met Stadium, built in Bloomington in 1956 had housed the Minneapolis Millers Triple A team, a farm team of the NY Giants. It looked like a steel mill. A deal was almost made to lure the Giants to Minnesota, but San Francisco offered a sweeter deal and we ended up with the lowly Senators. But with the coming of Killebrew, Allison, Oliva, Battey, Versailles, Kaat and Pascual, we witnessed a World Series in 1965.  

Unfortunately, the other side had Sandy Koufax & Don Drysdale.

1961 was also the inaugural season for Minnesota Vikings in that same Met Stadium, a season highlighted by a scrambling Fran Tarkenton engineered victory over the Chicago Bears in their inaugural game, however finishing out at 3-11. Bud Grant coached this team to 4 Super Bowls in the 70's, sadly finishing second in all four. And nothing but dashed hopes since then.

Hubert Humphrey Metrodome

In 1982, the Twins & Vikings moved downtown to the horrendous Hubert H Humphrey Metrodome, perhaps the worst baseball venue ever built - and not much better for football. But, finally, in 2010 the Twins got their own ballpark again, Target Field, still downtown but tucked into the Warehouse District, perhaps the finest fan-friendly ballpark in the majors.

Target Field

US Bank Stadium

The Vikings, of course, could not be slighted, so we tore down the Metrodome and put up a new Vikings stadium, a monument to Ziggy - US Bank Stadium - praised to the moon by football aficionados as the ultimate football palace. The Vikings had to play in the (new) Minnesota Gopher's TCF/Huntington Bank Stadium) for a couple years while construction went on. But the palatial digs have not improved outcomes.

Huntington Bank Stadium

Met Center

I can also remember when the NHL expanded to Minnesota in 1967 with the Minnesota North Stars and the new Met Center built in the Twins parking lot to house them. It looked to me like a Greek Temple compared to the Met. Minnesota legend Glenn Sonmor coached North Stars to second place in the Stanley Cup finals of 1981and they had the same runner-up result in 1991. Nothing since. 

The North Stars were spirted away to Dallas by Norm Green in 1993. Never liked that guy. And ..  Dallas Stars - really?

Xcel Energy Center

But we did get the Minnesota Wild in 1997 - and another new arena, the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul.  But 3 years without NHL - in Minnesota?  Someone should be fired. But on the other hand the Wild haven’t had a Stanley Cup sniff in 27 years,

Target Center

The NBA expanded to include the Minnesota Timberwolves in 1989 and their spanking new Target Center Arena - of late declared antiquated I hear. Another build it or I will leave situation I suspect. I also remember the ABA Pipers and the Muskies.  TWolves - 35 years - no titles.

Allianz Field

And the Kicks, Thunder and now Loons in soccer now in the spanking new Allianz Field. No titles.

And, at last, it is with great appreciation, and a joy to be a fan, I welcome women's pro-sports, the Lynx in 1998 and the Frost in 2024.  Our great success stories. We've expended a good deal of coin on stadiums over the years, but at least the addition of women's pro teams was with no stadium construction costs - the Lynx and Frost are willing to play in previously men-only venues. (See Target Center & Xcel Energy Center above)

So, I submit that Minnesota sports franchises have offered the most agony of defeat to their fans of any city, surpassed only by the aforementioned Cubs & Sox folks. (Cleveland may file a protest)

To wit, here's our return on investment: 

• Minnesota Vikings.  In 63 years, 4 Super Bowl appearances, all in the 70's,  all losses, the last 47 years ago. 
• Minnesota North Stars / Minnesota Wild.  In 57 years, advancing to the Stanley Cup finals twice. Lost both.
• Minnesota Timberwolves.  In 35 years, never a NBA finals appearance.  For those old enough, you will remember Minneapolis had a dominant NBA team, the Minneapolis Lakers in the 40's & 50's, winning 5 titles before Bob Short moved them to LA in 1960. (Yes, the Los Angeles Lakers - did you think a LA team would get a nickname like "Lakers" if it weren't inherited?) The Minneapolis Lakers had no arena of their own, rather played in the Minneapolis Armory and Minneapolis Convention Center bandboxes which probably made a move inevitable
• Minnesota Twins. In 63 years, 2 World Series rings. The last 33 years ago. And before that, as the Washington Senators, 1 World series win in 58 years, acquiring the moniker "First in war, first in peace and last in the American League."
• Minnesota Kicks / Thunder / Loons. Nada.  However, we did get another stadium built. Allianz Field.

But .. all this woe has been somewhat mitigated by great successes from the women's teams.

• Minnesota Lynx.  Our greatest success story ... 8 WNBA finals appearances and 4 titles in 25 years
• Minnesota Frost.  PWHL championship in the first season of the league's existence

Just for the record, here are the stadium outlays over the years:

You should check my math, but that's approximately $2.5 billion worth of stadium over the years.  Costs a lot not to be a cold Omaha. 

You of course realize that investing too much of your emotional capital in your favorite sports team is a prescription for unhappiness. So enjoy the game for the entertainment that it is. There are 30 MLB teams, 32 NBA teams, 32 NFL teams and  32 NHL teams. All but 1 in each league will be disappointed losers each year. All things being equal - which they are not - you have a 3% chance for the thrill of victory. It is only a game after all.  And, please, please avoid the lure of Fanduel et al which offers you a 100% chance of woe, not just emotional.

... I didn't get to the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers saga. Perhaps we save that for another day.

Have you ever wondered why all our teams are Minnesota <this or that>?  Me neither.

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin

How Can I Keep From Singing

My life flows on in endless song,

above earth’s lamentation.

I catch the sweet, though far-off hymn

that hails a new creation.

                                                           Robert Lowry

Most of my writings about myself hearken back to my childhood days in Lowry.  But life after Lowry started when I went off to college in the turbulent late 60's, a time familiar to some of you with still functioning long term memories. I matriculated into Augsburg with the optimism of the typical 18 year old and envisioned a direct, unhindered path to my life's goals - as if I had those figured out. But, as everyone discovers, life’s actual path is steeped in twists and turns.

In 1965, Augsburg tuition, room & board was $1600/year. Perhaps due to multiple family alumni, Augsburg granted me a $400/year scholarship, which if you can do the math, left a $1200/year gap.  

My folks would cover the gap, but I felt duty bound to contribute. Luckily, I was able to work for my father in his plumbing, heating & electrical business during the summer. I was paid minimum wage, $1.25/hr, substantially more than I was worth. After tax take home was roughly $200/month. As I was living at home my expenses were mostly stamps for letters to my beloved who went off to the west coast.  But the 3 months summer work still left a $600 gap.

I did some part-time "roadie crew" work with the college event setup crew, which didn't earn enough to cover the debt, so the next summer I took a job with Continental Baking Company, pedaling my bike to downtown Mpls and assembly-line production of Hostess products - twinkies, cupcakes, snowballs ...  [Be forwarned: If have any intent to ever again eat a Hostess product, refrain from reading that post.]   I doubled my previous summer earnings but expenses whittled it back to zero financial gain.  

The next year, sick of the greasy duds and slimy shoes from that assembly line bakery, I took a job in the Fairview Hospital laundry, walking distance from Augsburg.  [Read that account it you are ever tempted to drop out of school]

Upon my graduation, we moved to the farm for the summer (to be clear, we were married by then) and I had decided grad school was the next step on the journey, so in the fall we went off to Bozeman, Montana. Of course, that reopened the funding gap. I was able to get a standard slave labor grad student teaching assistant position that covered books & tuition and a little coffee money. Carol went to work for the local ophthalmologist, so we managed to live frugally but debt free. 

After spring quarter, I couldn't get classes I needed during that first summer, so I took a 3 month job with the MSU's Plant & Soil Science Department. [Read Last Bus to Conrad for the story of that fiasco.]  That helped a bit with the expenses but the birth of our son put us back on the brink. 

Finally, advanced degree in hand I sat back and awaited the teaching offers from colleges to roll in. And waited, and waited ...  Perhaps from desperation but also from curiosity and a yen for adventure, we took a teaching job in Hamburg, West Germany. [Read about this adventure in  Brain Drain.]  Advice: you should only do such things when you are young, foolish and feeling invincible.

A year teaching in Hamburg convinced me to continue to teach, preferably auf Englisch, so back to the USA and another income-expense gap to manage. First for coursework at U of M, Morris to get Minnesota teacher certification. [Read Thistledew story.]  And then 7 years before a chalkboard (a story for another time) before a move to the software world for 35 years with Control Data; Honeywell; 2 startups - the 2nd acquired by PTC. [Read about the backend of those stints in A Tale of Two Startups.]  

I have now been retired for roughly 10 years and as a wise man said, 'He has had a happy life - which doesn't make for good stories.  What better way to reflect on gratitude than a hymn by a man named Lowry.  

As ear worms go, this one isn't bad.

1. Through all the tumult and the strife,
   I hear that music ringing;
   It finds an echo in my soul—
   How can I keep from singing?

Copyright ©  2025  Dave Hoplin