How to do Lutheran

Any number of writers have documented the quirks and foibles of Minnesota Lutherans.  As a life-long member of the ELC, ALC, and finally ELCA, I recognize myself in these - mostly good-hearted - ridicules.

▶︎ A rule: The jello for the church dinner must match the liturgical colors. Peas in the hotdish tend to be gaudy. Yes - hotdish, not casserole.
▶︎ Pastor: There's something wrong with this microphone. Congregation: and also with you
▶︎  Basses and tenors, please sit in the back of the bus on the ride to the lutefisk supper at Vang Lutheran.
▶︎  Catholics glorify Mary. We glorify rice.

... There's a million of em.



2017 marked the 500th anniversary of Martin Luther nailing his 95 Theses to the Wittenberg Door.  Unless you are Lutheran, that sentence probably made no sense. But be it known that masses (pardon the pun) of Lutherans made the trek to Germany to commemorate this dawn of the Reformation.

I experienced all the standard accoutrements of growing up Lutheran in a small town. Sunday School, Confirmation Classes and recitations from Luther's Small Catechism .. this is most certainly true, Wednesday night Lenten services, Christmas programs, church basement suppers ... and I attended a "Lutheran" College. So I felt I was well versed in the Lutheran thing. (see St. Pauli post)

So to my amazement, through the auspices of cousin Mark, I learned there is an actual "Lutheran Handbook" documenting in detail how to be an upright and righteous practicer of this faith. And a special "500th Anniversary" edition - The Essential Lutheran Handbook" - was produced through that august organization, Augsburg Fortress Publishing - the bulwark of church publishing that never faileth.

In addition to the standards: "How to listen to a sermon"; "How to share the peace"; "How to be a greeter"; "The seasons of the Church Year"; "Lutheran denominations"; "How to be saved by grace not works"; the entire Luther's Small Catechism ...


this new commemorative edition adds some critical elements that previous editions failed to include:


▶︎ How to avoid getting burned at the stake.
Avoid public heresy.  Like nailing theses to a door. As you know, the punishment for heresy is to be publicly burned at the stake and if you are accused you are probably doomed ... but defend yourself by citing biblical references for your attack on dogma. But consider recanting - you might be wrong. And if none of this works, request dry kindling - it burns hotter and quicker.

▶︎ What to do if you accidentally drop the bread into the common cup.
Don't panic. Receiving only one element - bread or wine - counts as full participation. Or the communion server can provide you with more bread.

▶︎ How to sing a hymn.
Assume a good posture. Keep your chin up. Hold the hymnal's spine with one hand and the other on the open page. Begin singing.  Loud-singing neighbors may or may not be in tune, so follow them cautiously. Some hymns may be difficult to understand ".. here I raise my Ebeneezer".  Use a bible or concordance to clear up uncertainties.

▶︎ How to show the world you are a Lutheran without being flashy or boring.
Lutherans tend toward humility and avoiding a spotlight. You could show your Lutheranism with a bumper sticker - "Lutherans do it with Grace" - but that probably shouldn't be the full extent of your faith expression. It's not about the words but how we live our lives. Martin says a shoemaker shows his Christianity not with crosses on the shoes but by making good shoes. And since most people consider "boring" a synonym of Lutheran, if you must err, err on the side of flashier.

▶︎ How to chose a bible translation that's right for you.
Unless you are proficient in Hebrew, Greek or Aramaic, consider a bible printed in a language you actually speak. If thou dost not maketh use of words like dost and maketh, chooseth thou a different translation. Seek an actual translation, not a paraphrase. Unless you carry your bible everywhere you go, do not use a nylon cover with zipper and pockets. They're geeky.

Who knew? Lutherans with a sense of humor.

Did you know there are 43 Lutheran colleges and universities in the USA? And 10 of them are named "Concordia".

Copyright © 2018 Dave Hoplin