Having Developed a Passion for Banking

Not to go all morbid on you, but how do you want your obituary to read?  It is said that some of the world's greatest fiction can be found in the obituary pages so you should write your own story -and perhaps include some fiction. Don't rely on grieving survivors to summarize your life. And obits written in the first person garner many more readers.

You can find obit templates galore, but you don’t want to pass on and leave some generic writeup that reads like ChatGPT.  This is personal. Strut your stuff. It should reflect your personality.  Pretend you’re writing to that future family genealogy buff.

My family includes several generations of morticians -> undertakers -> funeral directors but I managed to escape that destiny. I do however read every name in the Minnesota Star Tribune obituary pages every day and if someone my age as I pops up, I will read it in its entirety. So I know somewhat of which I speak.

Some guidelines.

• Spell your name right. And there is no reason to fudge your real age.
• Skip regrets. Focus on joy.
• Don't list your awards unless it's a Nobel, a Pulitzer or an Oscar. (eh, skip Oscar)
• Include some humor.  
• On reading his obituary, Mark Twain rebutted “Reports of my death are an exaggeration”.  
• Bob's shoe repair shop saved soles and heeled people.
• Express gratitude. Don’t dis anyone, living or dead.
• Include a nice photo of yourself, maybe two, your younger self and your mature self - but not holding a fish or a trophy.
• Don't include cause of death unless you believe it to be instructive to the reader - as in a bad example perhaps. (You actually won't know that cause when you're writing but you might have a premonition)
• Direct gifts be made to a charity of their choice.
• Keep it under a single newspaper vertical column. Spillover to column 2 is bad form bragging. Remember you're dead.

Here's some seeds to get you started (or not). 

• I die after a full life with a grateful heart. This is a love letter to the future. 
• I'm a lucky descendant of Irish, Dutch and Danish forbears braving the sea. 
• A plus-sized Jewish lady redneck died in El Paso. Of itself hardly news, or good news if you're the type that subscribes to the notion that anybody not named you dying in El Paso is good news.
• Having developed a passion for banking, I ..
• I was passionate about film, popular music, world history, comparative religions ...
• I enjoyed hunting, fishing and a cold beer with friends.
• I want to be remembered for kindness and generosity
• One of twelve children ...
• Saved by the love of a good woman ...
• My pearls from heaven grandchildren ...
• Jimmy: As you say, you made me what I am today. No, I mean what I was a couple of days ago. 
• I was the 11th or 12th-ranked woman in cribbage in America, and while that could be a lie, it looks great in print. 
• Gustavus Adolphus College, where I learned to read and write.
• Columbia Heights Fire Department showed me how to work together and be brave.
• The prognosis (incurable) gave me the opportunity to think, thank and remember.
• Tom Lowry is dead!
• I request six pallbearers from the Minnesota Vikings so they can let me down one last time.

Or just keep it short and sweet - and save on the expense.

<Your name>.  Born, lived, died. Loved and was loved.

Copyright © 2026  Dave Hoplin

Not Frost Nixon

 

A while back my nephew asked to interview me for a class he was taking. I offered the geezer perspective for his survey I believe.  Felt a little like dictating my obit. I confess my responses were aspirational, targets I cannot fully achieve, but we persist. Here we go …

Next up, my Uncle Dave. My earliest memory of Uncle Dave was that he was the computer programmer who let me beat him at chess when I was a little kid. I emailed him the questions, and he sent back these answers with the disclaimer: “Hope this doesn’t sound too pompous.”

1. What is your age? 

“Well into the golden age.”

2. As you look back over your life so far, what is one thing that makes you proud?

“I am most proud of the fine human beings our children and grandchildren have become. And I am very proud of my wisdom in marrying my incredible wife. I guess that’s two things, but then again, maybe not.”

3. What is one goal you have for your future?

"I hope to remain useful, able to assist my children and grandchildren and do some volunteer work. Or, failing that, as one wag once said, to serve as a bad example.”

4. If you could give some advice to younger people, what would it be?

“Be curious. Be open to new ideas and try new things. Most people have several career changes in their lives. If you are lucky, you will find a profession doing something you love. Have patience and be persistent. Understand that major accomplishments take time and are most often the result of collaboration with others. Learn to respect and work with others. Get involved in a community, be it a church or other organization or like-minded friends. Solitude is healthy but too much is not. Happiness is found in relationships.”

5. What is one major change you’ve seen in our world over your lifetime? Has it been a good one?

“The number of changes I have witnessed over my lifetime is mind boggling: technology, health care, societal changes e.g. women’s rights, the decline of the middle class... But I will stick to my own lane here and choose the role computers and technology in daily life. In my first computer job, I dealt with punch cards and now the device in my pocket is thousands of times more powerful than those 'mainframe’ computers. But the biggest change, in my opinion, has been the ubiquitousness of social media platforms. They can be beneficial with on-demand information and inter-personal communication, built in camera and there’s always ‘an app for that’. But it also serves up dis/misinformation and invasion of privacy. And more and more problematic, the internet connected device seems to be addictive and isolating to many, particularly the young. So social media is at the same time both extremely good and extremely bad.”

6. Is there anything you would do differently if you had it to do over again?

“Everyone has regrets, but dwelling on them serves little purpose. Best you can do is apologize to someone you wronged and move on. You cannot change the past but you can affect the future. Focus on that. I do regret not taking piano lessons when I was a kid and not singing in the high school choir. And I wouldn’t have spent so much time studying in college.”

7. What is one major challenge you are facing now that you didn’t have to deal with when you were younger?

“Health issues. Up to my 70's, I had very few physical problems. I felt like I was 50. I biked 1500-2000 miles a year in my retirement. But in the past 2 years, a couple surgeries, a broken leg and a concussion have made me feel more like my actual age.”

8. What is one thing you really enjoy doing?

“Number one is spending time with the grandkids, although they are now all college age and have little time. I love books, biking, baseball, blogging, visiting friends and relatives.”

9. What is one thing I haven’t asked you that you would like me to share with other classmates or would like me to know about you? 

“I have been publishing a blog a couple times a month for the past dozen years or so, sending stuff out into the ether and waiting for something to come back.”

9.1 (Bonus): Who/what were the great influencers in your life?

“People. The claim that someone is self-made is a myth. You should recognize and acknowledge the helping hands you meet along the way. In particular my father was a great man. He lived through the depression, served 3 years in the Pacific during WWII, spent the rest of his life serving the small community he lived in. He was a man of integrity and service and honesty and I have attempted and mostly failed to live up to his model. And our recently retired Pastor Mark, a man of great personal warmth and caring and intelligence. A true beacon in my life. Impactful books. Many many.”

9.2 (Bonus): What does it mean to be successful?

“Number one. It is not wealth. For the wealthy the accumulation of more seems to be the life goal. When John D. Rockefeller was asked, ‘How much is enough?’ He replied, ‘Just a little bit more.’ Probably not a great role model. Instead, I would value being a good parent coupled with what you can do for others, be it co-workers, friends, family or people in need. Success is something internal, something you will recognize in yourself as fulfilling. Healthy, happy children are a good measuring stick. The claim that someone is ‘self-made' is a myth. You should recognize and acknowledge the helping hands you meet along the way.”

Hope you get an A.

Copyright © 2026  Dave Hoplin

Watch Your Mouth

 

Welcome to the campaign season. An estimated $11.6 billion is expected to be dropped on the 2026 mid-term political elections. Are these ad buys effective? Not on me. The deluge is mostly filled with vitriol with a tiny bit of fact and a preponderance of fiction, politely referred to as "alternative facts". I find most of them deliberately misleading and made worse by a recent innovation - profanity.  And you should not rely on the publisher to fact check, because they don't. TV and radio ads must be run even if the station knows the content to be false. And Facebook says "why should we"? Commercial advertising is governed by the FCC but political ads are exempt. 

Candidates seem to hold little respect for we, the lowly voter, apparently confident that will will accept unquestioned the sound bites all the while knowing that when the shouting and voting are over, the grandiose promises will find the dustbin. Sadly, a candidate actually presenting their position on issues is quite rare. It would be a nice innovation.

So, as a public service, I offer up some definitions for terms candidates throw around to disparage each other, terms most people have no clear understanding of. 

Fascist

This is the go-to label for anyone with views to the right of mine.

What is it?  Fascism is a far-right, authoritarian political system led by a dictator who holds total power and promotes extreme national pride.

The major characteristics of fascism are:

1. The rejection of democracy, the rule of law and equal rights under the law in favor of a strongman who interprets the popular will. 
2. The galvanizing of popular rage against cultural elites.
3. Nationalism based on a dominant “superior” race and historic bloodlines.
4. Extolling brute strength and heroic warriors.
5. Disdain of women and fear of non-standard gender identities or sexual orientation.

Communist

This is the go-to label for anyone with views to the left of mine.

What is it?  Communism is a political and economic system that aims to build a classless society where major property, factories, and resources are owned by the public rather than private individuals

The major characteristics are:

1. Collective ownership of the means of production
2. Abolition of private property
3. Centralized political power
4. Centralized economic planning
5. Repression of individual rights. Government control of most aspects of individual life. 

Socialist

This go-to label for anyone who believes government should provide aid to the poor of the population.  

What is it?  Socialism is a political and economic system that aims to build a classless society where major property, factories, and resources are owned by the public rather than private individuals. 

The major characteristics are:

1. Public ownership of major industries and means of production by the community, workers and state
2. Wealth and goods are allocated toward the public good

I believe there are few Americans who accept this philosophy.

But the US government has long had programs that directly aid various segments of the population. Depending where you are on the political spectrum, you might label them "socialist". But almost everyone is a beneficiary of a government program.  

Few object to these government subsidies:

• Farm subsidies.
• Social Security & Medicare.
• Veterans benefits and VA hospitals.
• Unemployment insurance.
• Public education and libraries.
• Public parks.
• Roads and transit.
• Police & Fire departments.
• Child labor laws.

Other subsidies break on partisan lines.

• Government subsidies for oil companies and the military industrial complex.
• Corporate and wealthy tax breaks.
• Tax increment financing.
• Subsidized health insurance. 
• Public housing. 
• SNAP & WIC benefits. 
• Pell grants and student aid. 
• General assistance or most any flavor of government payment to individuals. 
• Anything someone else is getting that I'm not. 

The much disparaged "Social Democracy", is a variation in which is capitalism is augmented with a social safety net. The basic tenets are that no one should go bankrupt for being sick or lose health care coverage when you are laid off your job, that everybody can have an education, that no one is left to live on the streets.  Not so extreme or radical in my mind.

So - democrat with a small d

And so we come to what we say we are, a democracy - actually "representative democracy". (In a true democracy, everyone would vote on everything, a bit unmanageable, so we elect representatives to speak for us, who do so with various degrees of effectiveness.)

This is the go-to label we should all aspire to.

What we claim to be. 

A democracy is a system of government where power is vested in the people. The US model is representative democracy where power is exercised through freely elected representatives. The characteristics of a democracy are:  (Key principles from Gemini)

• Free, Fair, and Frequent Elections: Citizens choose their leaders through competitive, transparent elections held at regular intervals, where every eligible vote carries equal weight.
• Citizen Participation: Citizens actively engage in political life not only by voting, but also by debating public issues, running for office, participating in community organizations, and protesting peacefully.
• Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms: A democracy safeguards essential civil liberties for all individuals, including freedom of speech, expression, assembly, association, religion, and the press.
• Rule of Law: All citizens, officials, and government bodies are subject to the same laws, which are enforced fairly, consistently, and impartially through an independent judiciary.
• Separation of Powers & Checks and Balances: Government authority is divided among distinct branches (typically executive, legislative, and judicial) to prevent any single institution or person from concentrating total control.
• Majority Rule with Minority Rights: While majoritarian principles guide legislative decisions, constitutional guarantees prevent the majority from oppressing or disenfranchising political, ethnic, or social minorities.
• Multi-Party Political System: Citizens have meaningful choices between competing political parties representing different policies, values, and visions for governance.
• Government Accountability and Transparency: Public officials must account for their decisions and actions, supported by open government records and an active, independent free press.

How do you think we're doing?

Copyright © 2026  Dave Hoplin 

Deep Thoughts Sept '26

We are the pioneers of our own histories,

drawn to the horizon as if it waited just for us

the way the young are drawn
to the future, the old to the past. 

Linda Pastan

Rich people are not like us. Psychologists amassed evidence that the upper classes are more prone to behaving badly, from being oblivious to other road users, lying at work and taking treats meant for children

The U.S. pays $1.2B to a German firm to halt offshore wind projects. (Fact. Not from the Onion.)

Tax evasion (a.k.a. cheating) costs the US Treasury $600B a year.

New Orleans will use AI to answer 911 calls instead of a human. Hmm.

I used to be able to call my grandmother by telling the operator '35, please' and call home by saying '74, please'. Now I tell Siri 'call granny' or 'call home'. Seems about the same to me except less polite and granny is my wife.

The 1789 storming of the Bastille marked the start of the French Revolution. The prison held only seven inmates: four forgers, two lunatics, and one deviant aristocrat.

The only thing Trump cares about is erasing Biden/Obama legacy, punishing those he hates and satiating his personal greed. And of course, rebuilding D.C. to his own unique aesthetic.

Monumental madness.

Do you think cockleburs were in the original creation spec or the result of Adam's fall?

When in doubt, mumble.

Ah, Minnesota State Fair season. The roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd.

Why do so many obits picture man with fish?

Minnesota Twins fan optimism officially ends annually on Sep 1st.

Are there ever fist fights at your book club meetings?

US researchers are emigrating to Canada in droves.

57% of Americans placed a bet last year. 38% read a book.

The biggest surprise in a man’s life is old age.  Ben Kingsley

I was 50 for years and years, then suddenly 75.

As you age, your fingernails grow faster. And your ears too, I'm told.

How would you know if you met an extraterrestrial?

Ukraine has redefined how wars are fought now, obsoleting modern weaponry.

The 6000 tanks in the US arsenal are all destined for city parks.

An effective military takes more than guys who can do 100 pushups.

And a lesson learned for the umpteenth time. You cannot bomb your way to victory.

Milk and bread and eggs are always in the very back of the supermarket. This is so you have a chance to grab chips, cookies and sodas on your way to checkout.

Pain is a lonely solo flight.

Have you hired a plumber lately? Uffda. My father would be shocked.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.  Eric Hoffer

Everyone has value. You can always serve as a bad example.

Bribed with your own money. Creative.

Can anyone explain why the US voted NO on the UN's proposed more accurate world map? 164-1

Trust between nations takes years to build and minutes to squander.  Same with friends.

Pillow guy Lindell cries voting fraud.  And then demands but then withholds payment for a recount. Who could have predicted?

I'm getting really tired of all the profanity in political ads. And elsewhere.

I am deluged with "urgent" text messages from politicians. I may block them all forever more.

Teenage girls seem to revel in cruelty to each other.

Zombie malls.

A wealth tax seems necessary to bring down the debt, but seems unfair to American farmers, many of whom are land rich/cash poor. Oligarchs can hide assets and sell a few shares of Tesla, farmers not so much and land doesn't really fit through a loophole. Create one for farmland.

GLP-1 weight loss products sell @ $500/mo and cost $5 to produce.

I am beginning to wonder about the seriousness of WAPO.  Headline: "Tow truck drivers save kitten by dismantling a car in a drive-through".  Is this newsworthy?

Minnesotans. Go and live in another state for a couple years before you start ragging on your home state.

Minnesota is the hardest state to get people to move to - and the hardest to get people to move from.

Publishing an 85 year old man's diary to embarrass him is repulsive, not to mention an invasion of privacy.

Qatar Force One.  Not up to snuff.

Happiness with two is doubled.

Scientists are such romantics. "Non-agonistic interactions involving directed, infraspecific oral-oral contact with some movement of the lips/mouthparts and no food transfer."

That "no food transfer" is key.

We have known the consequences of climate change for decades and have largely ignored them. Same with AI and data centers it appears. 

Technology designed for good is invariably subverted to bad.

Vote. If mail-in, don’t trust USPS. Bring your ballot to a drop box.

I appeal to you. Do not vote for a candidate when the only thing they offer is loyalty to Trump.

When someone asked W.H. Auden why nobody knew about Stanley Kunitz, Auden said: "It's strange, but give him time. A hundred years or so. He's a patient man."  Kunitz was appointed poet laureate when he was 95 years old.

I ain't buyin' my kid no encyclopedia. He can walk to school just like I did.  Yogi Berra

I never really said all those things I said.  Yogi Berra

Surprise. DOGE grossly overstated savings.

DHS policy says ICE will release body camera video only when seen in the agency’s ‘best interests’ . 

Every time I am tempted by a new bike, I look in the mirror at the old guy and conclude the one I've got will easily outlast me.

Vertical pavements cracks put the fear of God in me.

I’ve reached the age where the low gears have high value and the high gears have low value.

You know those scroll lists to pick your year of birth? It's a long ways down.

I fear the only thing that can save this nation is a Republican thought revolution.

Don't be wearing sandals when standing in front of a urinal.

Get your shots.

What's a book that you have read more than once?

One of the DC trees they have cut down is a cherry tree.

Canada supplies almost all the lumber the US uses for framing houses.

I miss the Burma Shave road signs, although they were a driving hazard. 

Though love goes cold

Do not despair

There's Yspilanti underwear.

BURMA SHAVE

The Singularity has arrived.

Copyright © 2026  Dave Hoplin