Carol & Mary

My wife is the extrovert in this marriage - the friendlier half. She engages with friends, neighbors, relatives, strangers and seemingly without fail they immediately bond with her. As further testimony to her likability, every dog within 4 blocks of us will bound toward her at first sight. She worked at the VA Hospital and vets adored her - and told her stories. On one occasion a patient told her about his neighbor Mary who was pregnant and struggling with cancer. She had 9 kids ranging from 2 to 12. Mary was Amish.

The story tugged at Carol’s heartstrings, so she got the family’s address and wrote a warm letter to Mary. About a week later a multi-page response appeared. They became penpals and fast friends. Mary told her all about her family but little of her suffering.

At some point Carol declared we must visit this family and with a few more letters to organize, we packed up and drove east.  When we drove into their farmyard we could see 9 freshly scrubbed faces in the windows. We had picked up buckets of chicken and sodas  - and chocolate - so we were immediately popular with the children. Mary stashed the chocolate bars high in the cupboards and as we sat in the living room visiting, little Miriam walked in with an ear-to-ear chocolate face.  Calmly, Mary asked if she had been eating chocolate. “No”. And we all had to suppress the giggles. A quick look into the kitchen revealed drawers pulled out to create steps to the countertop and a cupboard door left open.

We began visiting this family a couple times a year, one of which would be near Christmas. Carol started assembling the gifts in January, one practical gift and one fun item for each kid. After a few of these visits the family agreed to let the 5 oldest kids visit us - among the ground rules - no TV or movies. So I packed them into a van and  brought them to Minnesota. All the kids learned to ride a bike during that 3 day visit and we went ice skating-  in the summer - at the rink at Minneapolis Union Depot.  The Amish have a "no graven images” rule, so they have no family photos, but I took a photo of the 5 kids from behind skating arm-in-arm down the rink and had the temerity to show it to Mary. She smiled. I think the family might have gotten into a bit of hot water with the Elders for exposing the children to such worldliness.

Mary gave birth to her 10th but sadly it was not long before cancer took her. We went to that funeral and as we drove up we were greeted with the sight of hundreds of black buggies. A very sad day.  All the Amish from the area plus multitudes of mourners arriving in chartered buses from around the country. We and one other couple were the only “English” attendees. As part of the service, mourners walk past the casket to offer their goodbyes. I lost count at about 1000. 

We also had the privilege of attending several of the kids’ weddings. All day affairs with a long ceremony, including a 90 minute sermon in their German dialect followed by noon and evening meals served to several hundred people. And yes, Amish pies are as good as advertised.

Not too long after Mary’s death, the father of 10 married a widow in the neighborhood. She had been left with 9 and not long thereafter they had another daughter.  22 people around the dinner table.  They don’t use the term, but uffda.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Gaslighting

"Gaslighting" is a term you almost certainly have heard.  It derives from the 1944 Ingrid Bergman film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is mentally ill.  It is a technique intent on making someone(s) believe patently false characterizations of events even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  We have all probably succumbed in - usually - small matters when someone we trust provides information that proves to be incorrect.  

Gaslighting is used extensively in political campaigns, mainly because it seems to work.  People are willing to accept as truth the most ridiculous  claims. ....

The most outrageous example of gaslighting in this election cycle in my view is this:  "Donald Trump insisted that the Jan. 6 attack, when his supporters stormed the Capitol and assaulted scores of law enforcement officers, was not a day of violence, but a "day of love" (See Oct 17, 2024 CBS News story)

Of course the facts of the matter, in case your memory needs a jog or has been corrupted by Russian disinformation, is exactly the opposite.  

Here is a sampling of the Jan 7, 2021 headlines from across the country.

Vote. Vote your conscience.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Pay It Forward

I broke my ankle in July <read gory details here> and I have struggled through 8 weeks of surgeon ordered “absolutely no weight bearing on that leg”. The implications of that command took a bit to sink in. Another beautiful Minnesota summer laid waste. Of course, I realize there are millions of people who suffer permanent incapacity and I have no right to wallow. I at least have the hope and expectation of a full recovery. But I am not a patient patient, so lolling on the couch with my leg up is a trial. And living on one leg makes most everything you want to do difficult. The temptation to succumb to the "Black Dog" is ever present and my avoidance of it is to a large degree owed to my loving, caring, ever cheerful wife. 

As of this week, I have received permission to start putting partial weight on that damaged leg - while wearing a boot - and in a week or so I can swap the boot for an elaborate ankle brace. It's not the "lift up your pallet and walk" pronouncement I was hoping for but it did produce an audible sigh of relief. I may get my life back.

My little neighbor girl says I am "sooo lucky" to have such a fancy scooter

I have essentially been idle since mid-July - and you know what they say about idleness and workshops. More to the point, the unwritten, unspoken burden of my upbringing - duty and responsibility and all that, sends the message: idleness equates to worthlessnesses. Guilt is a well understood Lutheran thing.

So in my many available idle hours, I was thrown into a dangerous state - thinking.

How do/should you define yourself? Most people lift the banner of work or a business as giving purpose to life. I am what I do, what I own - or in retirement, what I was. Some find a cause or an all consuming hobby. Some measure their worth by their net worth. Some on travel. Some find meaning in service.

I believe, in the end it is how you lived your life. Did you make a difference in the lives of others? That is a legacy worth pursuing. I for one, have been blessed in this life and it seems a responsibility in some small way to look out those less fortunate. You don't need to save the world. Try helping your neighbor, volunteer, donate, offer a kind word, be a friend.

Be kind. Pay it forward.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Cousins

There are 29 people who, when/if they see the title of this post will be thinking - "oh-oh". I am one of 31 cousins, 17 my father's side of the family and 16 on my mother's side. 31 cousins, an embarrassment of riches. In contrast, a good friend has none and an Amish family we have befriended have 135. In my high school class of 100, there were 15 sets of cousins. Baby Boomers.

The “oh-oh impulse stems from the realization that I possess a raft of family lore and the associated angst over what might drop. But I value my cousin connections, so if you are expecting something lurid, you will be disappointed. Although I suspect there may be a few of these fine souls wouldn’t mind reading some scandalous stuff as long as it only pertained to the other 29. 

Eccentricities on the other hand … are somethings that might slip through.  

Cousins like quarks come in flavors: up, down, charm, strange and of course, red, blue .. and green. Bonds vary from strong to weak - or none - but are not welded like sibling bonds can be. For example, if you need a kidney, you probably wouldn’t immediately ask a cousin. In most families, cousins occupy a weird place ranging from very close to nearly strangers. The relationships are usually uncomplicated with rare but brief, genial contact.  And yet, they all have something in common, something rare and valuable. They know what it’s like to be part of your particular family - for better or worse. A cousin might be one of the few people who understand your eccentricities, virtues and foibles. In most areas of your life, you might not be alike at all. But knowledge of your family ties through decades is a form of closeness. 

In our family, for many years, we had a tradition, sadly now defunct, of gathering on Epiphany for chili and chat and Scandinavian Christmas delicacies. <see post>  Families made an effort to travel to Columbia Heights and I recall them as joyful occasions. The “Greatest Generation” drove these gatherings, having a far better sense of the benefits of even weak bonding than my generation. And it offered a chance to expose some strange Holiday traditions. 

The grandfather of us all was a farmer, an electrician, a hardware owner .. and an undertaker, which perhaps introduced a bit of somberness into the clan, but also some whimsy - such as, in some families, an apprentice program. 

This may also have encouraged prodigious musical talents that could be counted on to render ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ or ‘The Navy Hymn’ in support funeral services. One cousin has made a nice side hustle from funeral vocals.

I like all my cousins, which I think is quite miraculous, but I have regular contact, usually by phone, with just a few.  

One calls me to give me pep talks or to suggest a bike ride, recognizing my tendency toward Scandinavian stoicism. Another calls to preserve the tight bond our fathers had. And I, paying it forward, call another to remind they are not immortal and they should avoid a fall into dissipation.

So pick up the phone give a cousin a call and don’t be discouraged if they say “Who?”. You’ve got a lot of memories to talk about.

In Memoriam - Dan

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Wipeout

Cycling can be dangerous.  Cycling road racing is said to be the most dangerous sport in the world. Just ask a Tour de France rider careening down a mountain descent at 60 mph or in the mad sprint to the finish. Tragedies on two wheels are not uncommon. Wikipedia has a list 

If you are more than a casual bike rider, you have likely experienced a crash landing. Even outside a 176 rider peloton, hazards are manifold. Curbs, loose gravel, ice and mud, potholes, cars, other riders, misjudged curves, bike malfunctions, opening car doors, unexpected obstacles or just plain inattention to your environment.

I have experienced many close calls courtesy of all those various hazards. And I have gone to ground a number of times, but only once have I been put out of action for any period of time because of a crash.  That happened in 2017 when on a So. Minneapolis ride, I unexpectedly came upon 8” water pipes laying across the roadway. Unable to avoid them, I rammed them and took flight over the handlebars. I have no recollection of the (I’m sure) graceful glide over the bars, but the landing is vivid. I came out of that with a badly sprained wrist but happily no head injury.  Put me on the shelf for a couple weeks. 

That was my worst biking day - until last Thursday. 

I decided to check out Swing Bridge Park and the Mississippi River levels. The bridge is a former double-decker - rail & auto - that crossed the Mississippi in Inver Grove Heights. It has been truncated and repurposed as a sort of pier extending well out into the river. Check it out. It’s a great spot to barge watch. 

Not so great for me that day. As I was pedaling out to the far end, the wheels of my bike slid out and I watched the waves rise up to meet me. Not water. May flies, thousand and thousands of them. As I was falling, the surfer hymn - you know the one if you are of a certain age - with the frenetic drum and guitar riffs, the maniacal laughter and the one word lyric flashed through my brain, all in that 1 second drop into a swarm of writhing bugs turned to grease by my wheels… Wipeout. [That was a Faulkner sentence.]

I crawled from that disgusting mass over to the bridge railing and sat brushing off bugs and fighting back dizziness & nausea and thinking how stupid I had been. I recalled stories of cars sliding into ditches after driving through a swarm of May flies. I knew immediately something not very good had happened to my left ankle, smashed between the fallen bike and the bridge deck, the bugs not providing much of a cushion. I have a lot of experience with ankle sprains from my volleyball playing days, back in time when I could leap high enough to allow landing on another’s foot. 

Deja vu.

After some recovery time, I got back on my bike and rode the 6 miles back to my truck at one foot power. This was my 2nd stupidity and 2 stupids do not make a smart. 

This might have actually been hilarious if it were a tale told to me rather than by me. It would still be funny if I could have survived unscathed.But I was scathed. Turns out my ankle was broken, amazingly the first bone break in my relatively long life. 

So after a 2023 of no riding due to multiple medical issues, here I am in 2024 again on the shelf, awaiting surgery to put pins in my ankle.

Life is hard.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Deep Thoughts Vol 4

Do you think stroking your chin actually helps brain function?

Why is it that the very wealthy or famous think their notoriety qualifies them as an authority on any subject?

"With the internet, you can have a paranoid fantasy at breakfast and a cult following by teatime."  Quote credit: Must be a Brit. We don't do teatime this side of the pond.

This is frightening. Google has acquired the stupidity of millions of Reddit comments to train its AI technology.

Those optimistic assessments of AI's potential for good reminds me of the early days of social media - and we know how that has turned out.

An Easter service and not a single Easter bonnet.  Another lost tradition. Too bad.

But, of course. Let's leverage Holy Week hawking a $60 God Bless America Bible.

Why do people no longer play croquet?

Sometimes it takes a half-a-day to come up with the word I need to complete a sentence.

I told my wife that mistakes should be embraced. It's how we get experience. She gave me a big hug.

Time is passing me by. I turned to the oldie's station looking for the Everly Brothers and got Bon Jovi.

WWJD is about as far from WWDJTD as you can get.

My annual resolution. I will keep annual weight gain to less than one stone

You have definitely reached old age when thoughts of time are dominated by memories rather than dreams.

After 70, stay vertical at all costs. Falls can kill you.

As we age, continue to learn. Aging is grad school.

"I wanted to read Anna Karenina and everybody else wanted to do stuff in the back of cars." Barbara Kingsolver   Which category did you fall in in your youth? 

I thought she wanted us back in 1950 but I guess it’s actually 1590.  Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia, wrote, “God is sending America strong signs to tell us to repent. Earthquakes and eclipses and many more things to come.”

My old-age fear is not being able to read.

I don't understand annuities.  Give them all your money and then they give it back to you a little at a time.

My fear is that all these climate change deniers really believe it is not a real problem. This is just one of the rampant false beliefs that has me frightened.

“Invaluable” is one of my favorite words. You know, like inaccurate, incurable, invalid, incoherent … And thank you. Your assistance has been invaluable.

Do they still teach history in high school? If so, then why ... oh never mind.

No one is entirely useless.  You can always serve as a bad example.  Credit: unknown.

A rare book is a loaned book that actually gets returned.

As you approach an intersection and the light turns yellow, do accelerate or brake?

Can you explain the symbiotic relationship between mobile homes and tornados?

"If you have any friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy."  Dorothy Parker

If you recognize you've forgotten something you should know, it may just be slow retrieval times due to your terra-byte cranial database?

“It is not so much the sight of immorality of the great that is to be feared as that of immorality leading to greatness.”  Alexis de Tocqueville in Democracy in America

If you think you are a deep thinker, you are probably wrong.

I hate the histrionic Star Spangled Banner performances so common at sporting events. Just sing it straight.

"To do good is noble. To tell others to do good is even nobler and much less trouble." Mark Twain

Deep science ... genetic sequencing of the Minnesota State Fair corn dog. https://www.startribune.com/where-will-the-worlds-first-genetic-sequencing-of-a-corn-dog-take-place-at-the-minnesota-state-fair/600370588/

Fathers' Day used to be the day when the most collect calls of the year were made - for those that remember such things.

I did not know Roy Orbison was Norwegian -  born in Vernon, Texas, to Orbie Lee

Soon I'll have garnered enough of these to publish a coffee table book.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Hey, Operator

 

Won't you help me make this call?

On Father's Day, we were having lunch with our youngest granddaughter and her parents.  I told her that Mother's Day was the biggest day of the year for restaurants, while Father's Day was the biggest day for collect calls.  I was hoping that joke would elicit at least a chuckle. Rather, a puzzled look and .. "What's a collect call?".  Yet another confirmation of my passage into geriatric-hood. What was I thinking? A Gen-Z'er, born with a cell phone in the cradle, how would she possibly understand collect calls?

I went on to explain it used to be that that every 'long distance' call was individually charged to your phone bill, priced by the minute - long distance meaning any call that crossed out of the local telephone company's territory. A caller had the option to ask the operator to "reverse the charges" so the cost would show up on the callee's bill rather than your own. This feature was often used by children calling home. You just told the operator you wanted the call to be collect and she - always she - would connect the call and ask "Will you accept the charges?".  Another puzzled look .. "What's an operator?".  Deeper and deeper into the twilight zone.

So I had to explain 1950's phone technology. I could as well been speaking Urdu. Before age of the dial phone, an operator fielded every request and connected you to someone via a telephone switchboard.  You picked up the phone and heard "Number please?" and waited for the call to be put through. Our home phone number was 74.  The hardware's was 2.  Grandma was 35. Lowry telephone operators were also the watchdogs of Main Street.  I could pick up the phone and ask Inez or Leona if they knew where my dad might be. "Oh, I just saw him go into the cafe".  

Not knowing when to cut my losses, I then told her the story of coming down with the mumps during my senior year in high school and being forced into quarantine for 3 weeks or so. One boring Sunday afternoon, when my folks were out visiting - people actually did that back then, just drop in on someone for a visit - I decided to give Carol a call.  She lived on a farm about 5 miles away, but in another phone company's territory, so the call was "long distance".  (I didn't ask to reverse the charges!).  We talked for 45 minutes. When the phone bill arrived and my mother saw the mammoth $4.50 charge sticking out like a neon sign amongst the mostly 50¢ calls, she let me have it. "What could you possibly have to talk about on the phone for 45 minutes?"  Hmm, note to self: next time remember to reverse the charges. 

Finally coming to my senses and rejecting boldly going on to person-to-person calls & party lines, I decided to cease and desist.

So .. I've come to the realization that most of my great treasure of knowledge and a substantial block of my skillset is obsolete and of little interest to anyone - with a possible rare exception of another old geezer. 

Some of my now less than useful capabilities are things like .. 

• Deftly digging out information from American Peoples Encyclopedia
• Coupling cast iron soil pipe joints with oakum and hot lead  
• BASIC Programming on a Commodore 64  
• Operating a key punch machine
• Clipping baseball cards to my bicycle spokes to turn it into a motorcycle 
• Circling good stuff in the Sears Catalog
• Drag bunting
• Diagramming sentences
• Operating a ditch-witch 
• Bowling scorekeeping 
• Operating the Burroughs posting machine
• PowerPoint
• Listing World Series winners from 1903 to present from memory - fyi, no series winner in 1904 or 1994 
• Constructing a haystack - actually an embarrassing fiasco 
• Assembling a hog feeder
• Using a slide rule
• Navigating with paper maps
• Spelling
• Weighing out 25¢ worth of 8p nails
• Conjugating Latin verbs
• Driving a stick shift pickup truck
• Speaking broken German
• FORTRAN IV
• Twinkie baking
• Writing cursive
• Integrating to find the area under a curve 
• Changing a fuse
• Blogging
• Proving a doughnut and a coffee cup are topologically equivalent - but not digestively
• Knowing the way to San Jose
• ...

It’s the beginning of a very long list. Not all is despair. I do have a list - shorter - of some still useful abilities.

Copyright ©  2024 Dave Hoplin

In Defense of Mathematics

I taught mathematics for a living for 7 years and then went on to a career in computer programming, software development and management.  So I never asked the question "Why should I study this stuff? I'll never use it".  But I heard that whine over and over in my teaching days. Math seems to be the principal whipping boy for this critique. Do students ask "Why should I read Shakespeare? Why should I study Newton's 3 laws? Who cares about the Civil War?" What's the valence of sodium? Really?"  

Well, ok, sure they do.  But nevertheless, you don't necessarily know what's good for you.   

I would make the argument that math is beautiful, but that just brought eye-rolls.  I'd argue that math is the underpinning of all the science and if you want a career in science or science related, you better learn math. But the ultimate argument is that math teaches you how to think logically, and that is a skill that applies to most everything you do.  It's not about memorizing your times tables all the way up to 9x7 = 56 or all those word problems you struggled with [if a canoe is traveling 6 mph in Stillwater , how fast is it going in Hastings. - it's a nerd joke] or memorizing the quadratic equation.  These tasks build a foundation for logical, creative problem solving.

Math trains your brain. Much like physical activity helps keep your body fit, math keeps your mind nimble so you can avoid being intimidated by new tasks you might face.  And these brain calisthenics improve your memory - think Alzheimer's vaccine.  Not to mention, in this day and age of creeping AI, reasoning skills will help you identify scams rather than succumb to them. It's also not about being right all the time.  Math teaches you to try different approaches and to be persistent. 

There are loads of things in your life that are "mathematical", even if you don't realize it.

• Board games, crosswords, sudoko, puzzles
• Reflecting on the news. Understanding arguments, interpreting graphs and diagrams, box scores
• Understanding financial information. Creating a budget.
• Following recipe instructions
• Math and music skills have a strong correlation. I hired a few music majors as programmers
• Managing your prescription drugs. It's 10 mg AM & PM, not 20 mg every other day. 
• Cheating on your golf score.
• Calculating how much you've lost in your crypto account
• Creating your itinerary for your next road trip
• Navigating your way around a website
• Making that difficult pool shot
• Calculating your batting average
• ...

You really should be asking yourself "when do I not use math?".

I have become increasingly concerned over American illiteracy in general - and math illiteracy in particular. Math needs defending.  It is massively under appreciated.  Someone's gotta do it.

Copyright ©  2024 Dave Hoplin,  MS Mathematics,'71

Public Service Announcement

Is this post/website/document/photo/video legit?  With the advent of AI generated materials, that is the question you must always ask yourself - whatever you are reading, viewing or listening to. If it feels fishy, it probably smells that way as well. And don't click on those Facebook posts with the punch line cutoff or the "I will miss him.." clickbait. Be skeptical.  Truth is a precious commodity.  Make sure you are a truthy not a dupey. 

I have to keep harping on this because you are vulnerable and you need to pay attention. And in an election year,  you should be doubly diligent and expect a deluge of deepfakes.

For example:

• An AI generated photo of an explosion near the Pentagon causes a stock market crash. 
• A robo-call urging voters not to vote used an AI generated voice of President Biden.
• Deepfakes  e.g. a new service claiming to use artificial intelligence (AI) “neural networks” and “generators” to create fake driver licenses and passports has reportedly succeeded in passing Know Your Customer (KYC) checks on multiple crypto exchanges.
• Ransomware  Digital extortion
• Vishing - voice phishing. Calls or messages to trick you to reveal personal or financial info
• Zoombombing.  Hijacking video conferences
• Biometric attack - using fake facial/voice recognition
• Phishing - duping you to reveal identity information

Don't share any article or post unless you are absolutely positive that its source is legitimate. Don't be an artificial disseminator.  If 2 people share a false statement and those 4 people share and the next 8 people share, pretty soon you are at 2²⁵⁶ and that is a very large number.

From the Washington Post. Dec 18, 2023

“Some of these sites are generating hundreds if not thousands of articles a day,” said Jack Brewster, a researcher at NewsGuard who conducted the investigation. “This is why we call it the next great misinformation superspreader.”

Sensationalist newspapers and magazines used to be referred to as "Yellow Journalism". We now have Pink-slime journalism and it is an order of magnitude worse. It deliberately misrepresents.  The use of AI makes it easy to mimic legitimate news sites, images and even voices. Use reputable fact checking sites like PolitiFact, Snopes to verify the legitimacy of information.

Finally, here is a wealth of good information on how to recognize and avoid scams:  https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/how-recognize-and-avoid-phishing-scams

Be careful out there.

Copyright ©  2024 Dave Hoplin

The Great Questions of Our Time

The world is in turmoil facing multiple extreme crises. Ukraine, Gaza, North Korea,  Russia and China cozying up, El Nino, wild fires  ... Daunting.

But here in Minnesota, those problems pale compared to the introduction of a new Minnesota state flag.  Personally, I like the new blue with the state outline in dark blue and the blues of water and sky making for a simple, distinctive and easily identifiable as a flag of Minnesota.  However, the vitriol that this has inspired is breath-taking. Countless words have been expended on social media deriding and defending. My favorite thread argues that the old flag with the white settler plowing and the Native American riding into the sunset is not symbolic of the supplanting of the native tribes because .. if the Native American were being banished to the Dakotas, we would see the rear-end of the horse heading west.  

Creative defense don't you think?  Have a closer look. 

And praise the Loon, the symbol of our state will now appear on the State Seal. I do believe that the Loon is perfect for Minnesota, nevertheless, I much prefer the North Star, prominent on the new flag. 

But, alas, this has all become political and we know how those things go. 

Time to let go, we have much more pressing problems to deal with.

I. So .. I turn on the TV and get comfortable on the sofa to watch the Twins and I get ... this!  The near bankrupt Bally Sports is in a blood feud with Comcast and as a result "Bally Sports is no longer available".  No Twins, no PWHL, no Wild, no Timberwolves, no Minnesota sports on Comcast. When Bally was on-air, I watched the Twins spin off 12 in a row. Now, forced into listening on WCCO, they've dropped 7 in a row. Must be a connection. Why are people not in the streets?  

II. At $30/year, the new black-out license plates are rapidly supplanting the traditional ivory and blue standard issue. If I were the cynical type, I might think this was a blatant DMV money grab. Distressing.  Surely there is something dreadfully wrong with a white on black license plate. And believe it or not, the idea was stolen from Iowa - another reason to be upset. Let's light up the internet.  Another conspiracy theory is just what's needed there.  Then again, maybe a constitutional amendment is required.

III. And finally, the most crucial question facing Minnesotans .. what restaurant should Charles Barkley patronize during the NBA western conference finals???  Forget Fhima's, it must be Minnesota's iconic eating establishment. 

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Memory

When I was a pre-schooler, I achieved fame for my ability to identify 1950's cars and their models.  I made it into Jim Kinney's Beachcomber column in the Pope County Tribune. I have absolutely no recollection of this. It's a case of "infused memory", thinking you remember something but it's really something people have told you about yourself. 

Cognitive psychologists have termed this "childhood amnesia" and is the case for almost all of us, attributed most probably to immature brains. Early childhood is lost to us. What is your earliest "non-infused" memory? Often it is something dramatic etched into your hippocampus. I can vividly remember wandering off and the thrilling ride up an escalator in Powers Department Store and the panic when I could not figure out how to get back down. I remember the 1954 total eclipse when my parents awakened me at 6:00 AM to cross the street in my pajamas to my grandparents' back yard to look up at the sky - maybe with sunglasses, no eclipse glasses back then. I know that my first home was an apartment above the Dahl House but I have no recollection of its interior, while I can visualize every nook and cranny of my second childhood home on Drury Avenue.

If we could remember what we can’t remember, we might live our lives entirely differently.  But, then again, perhaps our subconscious knows best. I don’t think a life of perfect recall would be all that pleasant. Some things are best left unremembered.  And the memories we do have may be suspect.  It is human nature to color our memories to be more favorable to our role in them than what was true in reality. No two people remember the same event in the same way.  Makes jury duty challenging. Memory as we'd like it to be becomes the reel we play in our head. Fodder for your therapist. Collective memory is even more corrupt. What passes for fact in the minds of vast numbers is astounding.  But that for another day. 

As I age I spend more time remembering the past.  After all, there's much more of that than my future. We accumulate a lot of memories.  But why do we remember what we remember and why does our memory have such yawning gaps?  (If you could answer that question, you would undoubtedly be famous and have uncovered something new about the workings of the human mind.)  

Memories intrude for no understandable reason.  What dictates what thoughts, images or stories come to the fore?  Most people recognize that smell triggers memory.  Doughnuts deep frying puts me immediately in my grandmother's kitchen.  New mown alfalfa puts me on a hayrack on Tim's farm.  Someone’s “Do you remember …” can fire some dormant synapses.  Photographs! Too bad most of my life was constrained by 24 shot Kodachrome. Fill up your phone with memories - and do a backup occasionally.

But memory’s dominant characteristic is randomness.  Aunt Myrt pops in for a visit.  Some bit of music floats by and decides to overstay its welcome.  My strikeout to end the game - as batter, not pitcher - reliving the pain.  A young lady sits down next to me at a school choir concert.  Flying over the handlebars - not the flight, the landing.  Twin grands in NICU. A visit to the USS New Jersey with son Matt.  None of these memories are sought - they just pop up arbitrarily.  And one thought leads to a tangent thought until you've got a messy neural network competing.  And then - poof, gone. And more often than I care to admit, a thought is present only until I enter a different room. What was that again?

Which leads to the realization that memory portends something ominous - its disappearance.  Names in particular often reach the end of my tongue but go no further.  Is this how it starts?  I take heart over a brilliant thinker flogging himself because he couldn't remember the person he met last week.  But I am still waiting for the explanation why names are so vulnerable.  This is one of the reasons I dive into genealogy.  I enjoy preserving family history online.  (Bonus. I can do lookups to defeat my memory lapses!)  It's unlikely that any of my family or my descendants will give a hoot about this tree of knowledge, but at least I satisfy my desire to remember those in the past.

Memories are a comfort but of course they also evoke regrets.  You wish you had not done certain things or done things you did not.  But to leave the past behind would eliminate the great joys.  Savor your memories wherever they come from.

Hoplin-Pearson-Rosten-Blair tree.  The tree is public, but those in it still living are privatized

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Mansplaining 4th Edition

Pete from Cincinnati writes:  Hey Dave. What's your take on the Ohtani business?

Dave writes: Well Pete.  I'm going to take the rosy path and give him the benefit of the doubt. It's understandable. I often neglect to keep my bank account balanced and can easily overlook those $4.5 million withdrawals.

Warren from Omaha writes: Dave, here's an exclusive insider tip. Put your excess cash into War Bonds.

Dave writes: Warren. No can do. For regular folk, excess cash is an oxymoron and I never really liked him in Wagon Train anyway.

Carl from Blue Dot writes:  Are you bound for Ohio on April 8 for the viewing?

Dave writes: Carl. Who died? (Just kidding). But no, it's unlikely.  I look funny in those glasses and there's no good way to get there without crossing through Indiana. Besides that's my tax week. Send me a video.

Caitlin from Iowa City writes: Dave. You're kind of late jumping on the bandwagon.

Dave writes: Ms. Clark. Deepest respects. I have always admired the finesse and passing skills of your sport in contrast to the men. I can only stomach so many clearouts, lob/dunk and charging called blocking plays. Also my daughter's a Hawkeye. Can I get an autograph?

Lion King from Orange County writes: I say you're a terrible reporter.

Dave writes:  Lion. I join a large club. I do admit to struggle to find a word or a name now and then.  However, it usually arrives a few minutes after I needed it.  I no longer do much public speaking. But in my defense, I am approaching your age.

Kellogg from Post, TX  writes: Hey Dave. I just paid 7 bucks for a box of cereal. I'm mad as H and I'm not going to take it anymore.

Dave writes: Kell. Yup, food companies are gouging, but you need to stick to a budget. Rent $1500. Car Payment: $500. Groceries: $400. Apparel: $200.  Student loan: $300. Entertainment: $200.  Coffee: $200. ...  Some expenses you can't avoid. Others you can. Your cereal is still cheaper than that pack of cigarettes.

Brigham from Provo writes: I've heard that The Great Salt Lake will be a dry salt flats within 5 years. What can I do?

Dave writes: Brig, climate change is a big problem, an existential problem.  And your best option is the old saw: think globally, act locally. Start by not irrigating a desert. The only upside I see in this is perhaps we'll see a new land speed record.

Janis from Mankato writes: How about those Mavericks?

Dave writes: CJ. I am ashamed to admit that I mocked the rename of State Teachers' College to Minnesota State. Now, National BB titles for both Men & Women!  I'm thinking the Mav’s should replace the Gophers in the Big Ten. Or twelve or fourteen or however many there are these days.

Jesse from Portland writes: Hey, Dave.  I've missed you out on the trails?

Dave writes: Jesse, I think I saw you whiz by the other day but the cloud of dust obscured. You need to slow down.  Look for me on the 10 mph trails in a Michelin Man outfit.

Liz from the Heights writes:  Try that cauliflower crust pizza. It's good.

Dave writes: Doc, I appreciate you looking out for my glucose levels.  I will indulge in a veggie pizza but a veggie crust? Really? Dave writes later: Another life lesson.  Don't leap to conclusions.  Doctor knows best. Tried it and it's great.

Casey from the Bronx writes: You know, baseball is marvelous. Managers wear the same uniforms as the players. Back in the day there were no names or numbers on the back. In the 20’s, the Yankees put the position in the batting order on the uniform. That’s why Babe is 3 and Gehrig is 4. Nothing like those pinstripes. With the Mets I suggested removing the names from the uniforms to avoid embarrassing their families. Baseball .. (tape recorder died)

Dave writes: Casey. A Stengelese masterpiece monologue, but is there a question in there? I’m guessing you’re wondering why other sports don’t require coaches to wear the team uniform? The simple answer is: do you really want to see Andy Reid in helmet & pads or Red Auerbach in shorts or Bruce Boudreau in breezers? There’s enough violence in the world.

Charles from Alabama writes: Dave. How much March Madness do you think people can tolerate?

Dave writes: Lots. As long as they’ve got a dollar left to bet. For me, after the round of 64, on the mens' side, it becomes boring. Busted bracket.

Axel writes: Hey Dave. Pick someone else for your wisdom finale.

Dave writes: oK, but here’s one that sounds like you. Birdie with the yellow bill ... “Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. “

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Java Jive

Good health requires hydration.  The recommended daily water intake is 80 oz or eight 10 oz glasses. Seems a lot.  But ... it turns out cups of coffee count toward that target.  And the diuretic effect of coffee only minimally increases that target. Given that, it seems not so much. I do love a good coffee. 

However, the world’s most popular beverage is tea which has about 1/3 the caffeine of Folgers, but for me, the only reason to drink tea is a concoction infused with lemon, licorice or peppermint to fight off a head cold. The British are of the opinion that any problem is solvable over a cuppa tea. Maybe they have something.

Not too long ago, coffee was high on the list of things to avoid. But recent research shows that coffee "can improve cognitive performance, speed up reaction time, and boost logical reasoning, and it may even reduce the risk of Parkinson’s, diabetes, liver disease, and cancer. But for a substance so ubiquitous that it’s called the most widely used drug in the world, our grasp of how to maximize its benefits is feeble at best."

Remember, too much of a good thing is never a good thing. Caffeine is a drug after all. And there's a point when guzzling caffeine tips over into questionable, unhealthy territory. 

There are FDA guidelines on caffeine intake, a caffeine limit of 400 milligrams, the equivalent of about four or five cups of coffee. But we are clearly in an era of extreme "Red Bull caffeinating" with new products delivering high doses of caffeine popping up all the time. There are no product labeling or age warnings requirements on caffeine content. There are drinks on the market that contain 200 mg in a 12 oz can, 6x that of a Coke or 3x a cup of coffee. A 12-ounce Americano from McDonald’s contains 71 milligrams of caffeine, but the same drink at Starbucks contains 150 milligrams. And that 10 Hour Energy little 2 oz bottle has 422 mg of caffeine, exceeding that daily limit in one swallow.

So exercise some common sense. There have been several wrongful death lawsuits against extreme caffeine drink companies. Everyone reacts differently. I know someone where even a nibble of chocolate incites heart palpitations. If you've had 2 cups of coffee in the morning for 50 years it's probably not an issue, whereas if you're a novice, you might want to take it slow. Listen to your body.

Dehydration is dangerous. The USTA had a "pill" developed that players could swallow and have their internal body temperature measured during match breaks, using a red/yellow/green indication.  Red meaning stop the match.  However, players objected to swallowing a big horse-pill so the safety measure went by the boards - or rather the court. And the "pill" was cost effective as it was reusable. 

In any case, keep in mind that cold water absorbs into your system fastest, so if you're playing tennis (or pickleball) when it's 100°, you should hydrate with cold water not coffee. 

Be careful out there.

"The Java Jive" (Ink Spots, 1940)

 Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin

Deep Thoughts Vol. 3

Once again, with apologies to Jack Handy, I give you Volume 3.

A trip to Costco is an existential experience. You have to decide if you are going to live long enough to use all that TP.

Most bikers tend to be a callused lot.

Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get. [Borrowed from an otherwise unremembered sermon]

Never trust someone who is rude to wait staff.

Do you really want to own a vehicle named “Ram”?

The leather cover I use on my truck tailgate to carry my bike and protect against scratches is marketed as a “Crash Pad”. Disconcerting. 

Who is Helmut Kohl?  Me neither. Some German guy probably.

Wet feet and cotton underwear are not a match made in heaven, unless you can hop on one foot much better than I.

Guess this location. "The ambience may be bad but the company might actually be pretty good."

Try to stay astonished - in a positive sense.  It will keep you young.

Compression socks, known to me as depression socks. I have several broken fingernails from trying to get them on.

Mental acuity test. Count backwards from 100 by 7's.

How did you do?

Budgets are moral documents.

If 7 is a lucky number, why are there 7 deadly sins?

Why in the world do "awfully" and "nice" get paired?

The internet is an unreliable narrator.

Try spending a day or two bound to a wheelchair.  It will make you humble and curse stairways.

Believe it or not. I live in Minnesota and have a February tan. Pretty sure the earth is screwed. We need an exit strategy.

Bowling and tennis seem to have succumbed to pickleball.

Does anyone whistle (or hum) any more? I miss those distant echos of cheerfulness.

The James Webb Telescope is searching for life in outer space. I think ET might be purposely hiding from us.

Bad things can happen fast, but most good things happen slowly. (borrowed from somewhere)

I inherited any number of traits from my father, but arthritic hands is not one I'm thankful for.

Bashing things you hate will give you ulcers.  Focus on the good stuff.

The Great Salt Lake is expected to be dry within 5 years.  But, it's salty. It's not as if Lake Mead is drying up. Oh, wait.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin