Carol & Mary

My wife is the extrovert in this marriage - the friendlier half. She engages with friends, neighbors, relatives, strangers and seemingly without fail they immediately bond with her. As further testimony to her likability, every dog within 4 blocks of us will bound toward her at first sight. She worked at the VA Hospital and vets adored her - and told her stories. On one occasion a patient told her about his neighbor Mary who was pregnant and struggling with cancer. She had 9 kids ranging from 2 to 12. Mary was Amish.

The story tugged at Carol’s heartstrings, so she got the family’s address and wrote a warm letter to Mary. About a week later a multi-page response appeared. They became penpals and fast friends. Mary told her all about her family but little of her suffering.

At some point Carol declared we must visit this family and with a few more letters to organize, we packed up and drove east.  When we drove into their farmyard we could see 9 freshly scrubbed faces in the windows. We had picked up buckets of chicken and sodas  - and chocolate - so we were immediately popular with the children. Mary stashed the chocolate bars high in the cupboards and as we sat in the living room visiting, little Miriam walked in with an ear-to-ear chocolate face.  Calmly, Mary asked if she had been eating chocolate. “No”. And we all had to suppress the giggles. A quick look into the kitchen revealed drawers pulled out to create steps to the countertop and a cupboard door left open.

We began visiting this family a couple times a year, one of which would be near Christmas. Carol started assembling the gifts in January, one practical gift and one fun item for each kid. After a few of these visits the family agreed to let the 5 oldest kids visit us - among the ground rules - no TV or movies. So I packed them into a van and  brought them to Minnesota. All the kids learned to ride a bike during that 3 day visit and we went ice skating-  in the summer - at the rink at Minneapolis Union Depot.  The Amish have a "no graven images” rule, so they have no family photos, but I took a photo of the 5 kids from behind skating arm-in-arm down the rink and had the temerity to show it to Mary. She smiled. I think the family might have gotten into a bit of hot water with the Elders for exposing the children to such worldliness.

Mary gave birth to her 10th but sadly it was not long before cancer took her. We went to that funeral and as we drove up we were greeted with the sight of hundreds of black buggies. A very sad day.  All the Amish from the area plus multitudes of mourners arriving in chartered buses from around the country. We and one other couple were the only “English” attendees. As part of the service, mourners walk past the casket to offer their goodbyes. I lost count at about 1000. 

We also had the privilege of attending several of the kids’ weddings. All day affairs with a long ceremony, including a 90 minute sermon in their German dialect followed by noon and evening meals served to several hundred people. And yes, Amish pies are as good as advertised.

Not too long after Mary’s death, the father of 10 married a widow in the neighborhood. She had been left with 9 and not long thereafter they had another daughter.  22 people around the dinner table.  They don’t use the term, but uffda.

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin