Cousins

There are 29 people who, when/if they see the title of this post will be thinking - "oh-oh". I am one of 31 cousins, 17 my father's side of the family and 16 on my mother's side. 31 cousins, an embarrassment of riches. In contrast, a good friend has none and an Amish family we have befriended have 135. In my high school class of 100, there were 15 sets of cousins. Baby Boomers.

The “oh-oh impulse stems from the realization that I possess a raft of family lore and the associated angst over what might drop. But I value my cousin connections, so if you are expecting something lurid, you will be disappointed. Although I suspect there may be a few of these fine souls wouldn’t mind reading some scandalous stuff as long as it only pertained to the other 29. 

Eccentricities on the other hand … are somethings that might slip through.  

Cousins like quarks come in flavors: up, down, charm, strange and of course, red, blue .. and green. Bonds vary from strong to weak - or none - but are not welded like sibling bonds can be. For example, if you need a kidney, you probably wouldn’t immediately ask a cousin. In most families, cousins occupy a weird place ranging from very close to nearly strangers. The relationships are usually uncomplicated with rare but brief, genial contact.  And yet, they all have something in common, something rare and valuable. They know what it’s like to be part of your particular family - for better or worse. A cousin might be one of the few people who understand your eccentricities, virtues and foibles. In most areas of your life, you might not be alike at all. But knowledge of your family ties through decades is a form of closeness. 

In our family, for many years, we had a tradition, sadly now defunct, of gathering on Epiphany for chili and chat and Scandinavian Christmas delicacies. <see post>  Families made an effort to travel to Columbia Heights and I recall them as joyful occasions. The “Greatest Generation” drove these gatherings, having a far better sense of the benefits of even weak bonding than my generation. And it offered a chance to expose some strange Holiday traditions. 

The grandfather of us all was a farmer, an electrician, a hardware owner .. and an undertaker, which perhaps introduced a bit of somberness into the clan, but also some whimsy - such as, in some families, an apprentice program. 

This may also have encouraged prodigious musical talents that could be counted on to render ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ or ‘The Navy Hymn’ in support funeral services. One cousin has made a nice side hustle from funeral vocals.

I like all my cousins, which I think is quite miraculous, but I have regular contact, usually by phone, with just a few.  

One calls me to give me pep talks or to suggest a bike ride, recognizing my tendency toward Scandinavian stoicism. Another calls to preserve the tight bond our fathers had. And I, paying it forward, call another to remind they are not immortal and they should avoid a fall into dissipation.

So pick up the phone give a cousin a call and don’t be discouraged if they say “Who?”. You’ve got a lot of memories to talk about.

In Memoriam - Dan

Copyright ©  2024  Dave Hoplin