Monday, October 23, 2023

What Lurks Just Beyond The Headlights?

And now for something completely different.


There is a marvelous website I heartily recommend: edge.org.  The Canberra Times dubs it "The most stimulating English-language reading to be had from anywhere in the world.”


The site has been around for 25 years, serving as an idea exchange for the world's scientists.

To arrive at the edge of the world's knowledge, seek out the most complex and sophisticated minds, put them in a room together, and have them ask each other the questions they are asking themselves.


One of the marvelous traditions of this site is the “Annual Question” to the Edge Community. The always provocative responses are published in book form (and online) and make for a fascinating read. Unfortunately this tradition ended in 2018 with What Is The Last Question? when they apparently ran out of questions.


Here I would like to highlight the question from 10 years ago (2013) , “ What *Should* We Be Worried About?” asking scientists what worries you, but may not be on the popular radar yet. The responses reveal some remarkable prescience. Ten years down the road most of the concerns remain or have been validated.


Below are brief summaries of a few of the responses. I encourage you to look at the entire set. Individual responses/essays are only a page or two and it's easy to bounce around to topics you find of interest - a browser’s delight. All of the highlighted essays below have a link to the full response. All the 2013 responses are here:  What Are You Worried About 2013 responses



Keep in mind that these concerns were proffered ten years ago.







In "What Me , Worry?", a scientist for genomic sciences cautions against future plagues. 


"Avoidance of vaccination creates a public health hazard. It is not a civil liberty issue. The un-vaccinated coupled with antibiotic resistance and decreased animal habitats ... could take humanity back to the pre-antibiotic era. I thought we learned these lessons after global pandemics such as the Plague and the outbreak of 1918 flu that killed 3% of the population, but clearly without modern science and medicine we will be destined to relive history. "



In “Losing Our Hands?” a Professor of Psychology worries we are losing manual skills.


“I don't mean that someone is going to come and chop our hands off. I mean that we are unwittingly, but eagerly, outsourcing more and more of our manual skills to machines. Our minds are losing touch with our bodies and the world around us, and being absorbed into the evolving techno-sphere… manual skills are really not just about hands; they are about the way our brains and hands interact…. We can see the loss of these skills in the obvious fact that fewer people now learn them… Opting out to become 'self-sufficient' is even more hopeless than it was in the 1970s … Could we turn our key-pressing, screen swiping hands to feeding ourselves? I don't think so.”


In "Unmitigated Arrogance", a Professor of Psychology worries about the potential for manipulation of the population by the arrogant self promoters.

"I worry about the recent epidemic of lying and cheating that has infected public discourse in a diversity of domains. The psychological mechanism that motivates and facilitates these corrupt behaviors is hubristic pride—the emotional feeling of arrogance, egotism, and superiority that drives people to brag, lie, cheat, and bully others to get ahead. ... authentic pride motivates hard work, persistence, and empathic concern for others, hubristic pride motivates hostility, aggression, intimidation, and prejudice.

People who frequently feel hubristic pride are narcissistic, but have low self-esteem and a proneness to shame. ... This means constantly finding new ways of self-promoting, self-enhancing, and derogating others.  And, as a side effect, hubristic pride makes them feel invincible, convincing them that they can get away with their abhorrent behaviors. ... By encouraging, or at least enabling, others' arrogance, we nurture the pride that can lead to large-scale deception and even crime, and further increase the gap between true accomplishments and just rewards. 


In “Worrying About Children” a Berkeley Psychologist worries about neglected children.

“While upper middle-class parents are worrying about whether to put their children in forward or backward facing strollers, more than 1 in 5 children in the United States are growing up below the poverty line, and nearly half the children in America grow up in low-income households. … these children not only face poverty but a more crippling isolation and instability. It's not just that many children grow up without fathers, they grow up without grandparents, and with parents who are forced to spend long hours at unreliable jobs that don't pay enough in the first place. ... we still provide almost no public support for childcare, we pay child-care workers next to nothing. … But providing high-quality early childhood care to children who would otherwise not receive it makes an enormous and continuing difference up through adulthood. In fact, the evidence suggests that this isn't just a matter of teaching children particular skills or kinds of knowledge … Instead, children who have a stable, nurturing, varied early environment thrive in a wide range of ways, from better health to less crime to more successful marriages. That's just what we'd expect from the evolutionary story. I worry more and more about what will happen to the generations of children who don't have the uniquely human gift of a long, protected, stable childhood.”


In "The Complex, Consequential, Not-So-Easy Decisions About Our Water Resources", the Chief Strategy Officer for the Nature Conservancy worries that we do not know how to deal with the inevitable water crisis. 

"We should be worried about the state of water resources. I doubt there is a single current affairs publication that has not addressed this "global water crisis". On balance they raise legitimate concerns. ... We must change the way in which we use water, doing more with less. Unfortunately we do not have a great track record in increasing resource productivity. ... Reams have been devoted to rousing alarms about the global water crisis, but the barrier to effective action is not one of conviction, but of complexity. It is frightening that—outside of a restricted circle of practitioners—we have been unable to develop a fact based, practical way of debating water issues in public."


In "Computer-Generated Fascism", a writer and Futurist warns of the rise of fascism.


"I'm worried that our technology is helping to bring the long, postwar consensus against fascism to an end. Greece was once the cradle of democracy, yet on live television there recently, a leader of the Golden Dawn fascist movement started beating a female MP who disagreed with his views—smashing her on one side of the head, then the other—and his poll ratings went up, not down…. Because of what fascism led to in the past, it's easy to forget how attractive it can be for most citizens in troubled times. With a good enemy to hate, atomized individuals get a warm sense of unity. And, although some gentle souls like to imagine, frowningly, that only an ill-educated minority will ever enjoy physical violence, that's not at all the case. Schoolchildren almost everywhere enjoy seeing a weaker child being tormented. Fears about our own weakness disappear when an enemy is mocked and punished—a reflex that radio shock jocks across America most skillfully manipulate."



In “Presentism”, a French researcher worries about  collective amnesia. 


“While access to information has never been so universal as it is now—thanks to the Internet—the total sum of knowledge of anything beyond the present seems to be dwindling among those people who came of age with the Internet. Anything before 1945, if then, is a messy, remote landscape; ... There is a way out: by integrating the teaching of history within the curricula of all subjects—using whatever digital or other means we have to redirect attention to slow reading and old sources. Otherwise we will be condemned to living without perspective, robbed of the wisdom and experience with which to build for the future, confined by the arrogance of our presentism to repeating history without noticing it.”



In “A World of Cascading Crises“, a Futurist worries about over-reaction and false anxieties. 

“Hardly a day passes when we do not hear of some major crisis in the world, one already unfolding or a new one just beginning and they never seem to end. We are now living in a world of perpetual crisis and the high anxiety it produces…The public's view of violence is a good example. Steven Pinker has elegantly shown us that the real threat of violence in most of our lives has diminished dramatically. Yet most of believe because of the constant drumbeat of reporting on violence that the threat is far greater than it actually is. The absence of children playing on suburban streets is a sign of how scared parents are of the threat of kidnapping, which actually remains very small. … The fact that we live in a world of high anxiety often leads us to do the wrong things. We take short term and local solutions rather than take a systemic and long term view.  There has been an inevitable loss of faith in institutions ability to get ahead of the curve and tamp down the trembling state of anxiety the world now seems to be unable to shake off.”


In “Where Did You Get That Fact?”, a Professor of Information Technology worries about verification.

“ In the thousands of decisions we make each day, seldom do we engage in a deliberately rational process anything like gathering relevant information, distilling it into useful knowledge, and comparing options ... of course we don't very often do it, and instead we make quick decisions based on instinct, intuition, heuristics, and shortcuts honed over millions of years. .. I'm not saying we should independently verify every fact that enters our daily life—there just isn't enough time, even if we wanted to—but the ability should exist where possible, especially for knowledge generated with the help of computers. .. Without the ability to question findings, we risk fooling ourselves into thinking we are capitalizing on the information age when we are really just making decisions based on evidence that no one, except perhaps the people who generated it, actually has the ability to understand. That's the door closing.”


In “Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Words“, a Professor of Cognitive Science worries about the effects of censorship. 

“ The United States Supreme Court, the highest court in the land judged certain words to be so dangerous that even the constitutional right to free speech had to be set aside. But why? The children, of course. It was to protect the children. According to the Supreme Court, the problem with Carlin's routine was that the obscene words, words describing sexual acts and excretory functions "may have a deeper and more lasting negative effect on a child than on an adult." … The only risk children run by hearing the four-letter words prohibited over the public airwaves is the small chance of broadening their vocabularies. And even this possibility is remote, as anyone can attest who has recently overheard the goings-on in an elementary school playground…  so they aren't protecting children. But they are having an effect. Paradoxically, it's these actions we take to shield children from words, with censorship foremost among them, that gives specific words their power. And this makes perhaps the best argument that we shouldn't be afraid of exposing children to taboo words. Doing so is the best way to take away any perceived threat they pose. “


In “Danger from Aliens”, an senior SETI astronomer worries about an invasion from outer space. 

“The recent reset of the long-count Maya calendar didn't end the world. But there are serious scientists who worry that Armageddon could soon be headed our way, although from a different quarter—an attack by malevolent, extraterrestrial beings…. It all sounds like shabby science fiction, but even if the probability of disaster is low, the stakes are high. Consequently, some cautious researchers argue that it's best to play safe and keep our broadcasts to ourselves. Indeed, they urge a world-wide policy of restraint and relative quiet. They would forbid the targeting of other star systems with transmissions of greater intensity than the routine radio and television that inevitably leak off our planet… There's a serious flaw in this apparently plausible reasoning. Any society able to do us harm from the depths of space is not at our technological level. We can confidently assume that a culture able to project force to someone else's star system is at least several centuries in advance of us."

In “We Don't Do Politics“, an artist/composer worries that smart people want nothing to do with politics. “...we don't do politics. We expect other people to do it for us, and grumble when they get it wrong.“


In “The Under-Population Bomb“, a Wired editor worries about the impact of under-population.  “Population is expected to peek by 2050 and then rapidly decline. Here is the challenge: this is a world where every year there is a smaller audience than the year before, a smaller market for your goods or services, fewer workers to choose from, and a ballooning elder population that must be cared for.”


In “Big Experiments Won't Happen“, a Harvard physicist worries that long-term research investments will not be made. “We need to know what the universe is telling us. Some of the best new ideas come from trying to explain mysterious phenomena.”


In "The Danger of Inadvertently Praising Zygomatic Arches", Stanford wild-man Robert Sapolsky worries about free will.  Note - he has a fascinating book on stress - Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers.


In “The Rise of Anti-Intellectualism and the End of Progress”, Tim O’Reilly worries about the rise refusal to accept scientific knowledge. “... it's at least as probable that as we fail to find those solutions quickly enough, the world falls into apathy, disbelief in science and progress, and after a melancholy decline, a new dark age.” 


In "Science by (Social) Media“, a Harvard Business School prof worries about  knowledge by tweet  

"For example - red wine linked to longevity.  Is that enough information? ... science that laypeople encounter will become increasingly unfiltered by scientific experts. And even when science has been vetted by experts, laypeople will increasingly make their own determination of the credibility of that science not by the quality of the research but by the media outlet in which that science appears.”


In “Posthuman Geography“, a MIT researcher worries about “robosourcing”.  

"If every conceivable job can be done better by a special-purpose machine, what are the implications for our economic systems and the definition of a “job”. “... I have little doubt that the next paradigm of civilization will be a change for the better. I'm not worried about that. But the transition from here to there might be painful if we don't develop some idea of what we're getting into and how it might be managed.”


In “The Fragility of Complex Systems“, a Life Sciences professor  worries about the fragility of markets, transportation, internet, energy grids, ... 

“Complex systems like the markets, transportation, and the Internet seem stable, but their complexity makes them inherently fragile. Because they are efficient, massive complex systems grow like weeds, displacing slow markets, small farmers, slow communication media, and local information processing systems. When they work they are wonderful, but when they fail we will wonder why we did not recognize the dangers of depending on them.”


In “Global Greying“, a journalists worries about aging populations. 

“… out of the 9 billion people expected when the Earth's population peaks in 2050, the World Health Organization expects 2 billion—more than one person in five—to suffer from dementia. Is any society ready for this?”


In “Is Idiocracy Looming“, a professor of Psychology worries about intelligence trends.  See Luke Wilson movie.


In “The Death of Mathematics“, a Stanford mathematician worries about the future of mathematics. 

“.. if (free-form) scribbling goes away, then I think mathematics goes with it. You simply cannot do original mathematics at a keyboard. The cognitive load is too great.”  [Editor note: A man after my own heart.]

And finally, if you made it this far, a couple of hopefuls ...

In "The Gift of Worry", a Maryland professor offers a different point of view.

"Worry is a kind of thought and memory evolved to give life direction and protect us from danger. Without its nagging whispers, we would be prone to a reckless, Panglossian lifestyle. … Worry contributes life's "to do" list, but its relentless prompts are unpleasant and we work to diminish them by crossing items off the list. The list is constantly fine-tuned and updated. As life's problems are solved, topics of worry are extinguished, or if a dreaded event does not occur or becomes obsolete, we substitute new, more adaptive topics of concern. The bottom line? Stop worrying about worry. It's good for you.

In "There's Nothing to Worry About, and There Never Was", a NYT columnist reassures.

"So build a bomb shelter. Send money to people who lack it. Triple-encrypt and judiciously backup every J. Crew promotional email you receive, lest Internet terrorism befall us. Hustle to keep your kids on or off the Internet, eating organic or local or nothing at all. Take these actions, or none. Just don't worry about them. There is nothing to worry about, and there never was."


All this is a bit humbling as I have been mostly worrying how I'm going to get the leaves off my yard.

Copyright ©  2023  Dave Hoplin

Appendix: Here are a few other edge.org challenges over the years.


>  This Explains Everything

>  This Will Make You Smarter

>  Is the Internet Changing the Way You Think?

>  This Will Change Everything

>  What Have You Changed Your Mind About - and Why?

>  What are you Optimistic About?

>  What is Your Dangerous Idea?

>  What Do You Believe is True Even Though You Can’t Prove It?

>  What’s The Most Important Invention in the Past 2000 Years?

>  What Scientific Idea is Ready for Retirement?

> What Do You Think About Machines That Think?


Tuesday, October 10, 2023

What I Learned During My Hospital Stay


Recently, I had the pleasure of an overnight stay at a 5 star facility.  And I am passing along some takeaways ...




Avoid them if you can, but know when to say when

No one sleeps in a hospital

A pinch of sugar under the tongue stops hiccups almost immediately. No one knows why.

Nurses run hospitals

Most nurses are kind and compassionate. Many are are saints. Some are former drill sergeants.

Surgeons don’t have time

Your well researched understanding of your condition and treatment is wrong

Recovery recapitulates surgery

Never come home with a “hospital” bacteria

A good phlebotomist is a treasure

Don’t eat the donut you dropped on the hospital floor

You must (try to) sleep on your back in a hospital bed but you can choose from an infinite number of slopes

It is impossible to remain decent in a hospital gown and they are impossible to tie

Just accept the endless indignities of a hospital stay

Only order the fruit cup or yogurt from the hospital cafeteria

Thank yous for care staff are a courtesies that go a long way toward a good stay

Small single room is superior to a large double room

Although most is incinerated, medical waste is a huge problem

Hospital staff shortages & staff burnout are a crisis

Nurses choose to work night shifts because day care is unaffordable

The amount of plastic used in a hospital is unbelievable

No one notices your walkabout pushing an IV tower (see indignities above)

Any attempt at smuggling in your prescriptions is doomed

Take the wheel chair ride to the entrance upon discharge

Have your spouse or a loved one open the bill when it arrives


Copyright ©  2023  Dave Hoplin

Not at my best





Saturday, September 30, 2023

Bloody Marvelous English Language


At times I imagine myself as an English major,  but on reflection, an imagining of a life as a starving artist dispels such thoughts. So it is perhaps fortunate that my word-smithing is a hobby not a profession.


Nevertheless, I find the English language endlessly fascinating. (Note - the adjective "bloody" in this post’s title refers to the English English word, not the American English word.)

Some commentary on this language of some 600,000 words according to the OED.

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."  Excellent advice for almost every encounter from Robert Benchley.

“The English language is like a broad river … being polluted by a string of refuse-barges tipping out their muck.” Cyril Connolly.  English of course has borrowed words from many languages, like lemon or ketchup or karaoke or beef or lager or piano or ski or ...  Makes the language richer. Good on us.

“The English language is nobody’s special property. It is the property of the imagination: it is the property of the language itself.” Derek Walcott   Indeed.  There is almost always a dozen ways to say the same thing in English.  See if you can find a way to use “defenestration” in conversation today.

"I love the English language, but I am crap at it." Unknown. Sad but true for most of us.

One of the fascinating things with English is the plethora of curious expressions, those phrases that you intuitively understand but ... haven't you wondered ... where the heck did that come from. Maybe you have, maybe not, but I have and I've researched a few of them and I'm here to tell you. Here’s a small compendium.

1. Fat chance: no chance

2. Slim chance: no chance

See the curiousness of this language. If only the same modify rule were true for BMI.

3. Cool your heels: To be kept waiting. From "cool your hoofs" for a horse who takes advantage to lay down and rest.

4. Bite the bullet.  Decide to do something necessary but unappealing. From the days before anesthesia.

5. Take the bull by the horns:  Take on a difficult task with confidence. As you might expect, this stems from bull fighting.

6. Bury the hatchet. To agree to end a conflict. From the practice of Indians tribes burying their hatchets to make them inaccessible during peace negotiations.

7. You don't know beans:  Appalling ignorance.  See also - a more earthy phrase.

8. To have cold feet: Losing one's nerve.  From England’s lack of central heating with frigid floors and unwillingness to get out of bed to check for burglars.

9. Go haywire: Badly messed up. From the days of baling wire which was often used in repairs, rusted and broke quickly, thus messing things up. Twine was not any better in this respect.

10. Mind your p's and q's:  Behave. From your pub tab. Don't charge me for quarts when I drank pints.

11. Beyond the pale:  Reckless, dangerous behavior.  The Pale was an area around Dublin inside which the English deemed themselves safe, but don't go beyond the pale.

12. Three sheets to the wind: Inebriated to the state of wobbling. You would guess this refers to a sailing ship - and it does - except the sheets refer not to sails, but to the ropes that secured them, usually three.  If the three sheets were loosed, the sail flapped uncontrollably.

13. To bell the cat: A difficult task. Just imagine.

14. Amen corner: Originally from preachers proselytizing on street corners.  Now, at least in the USA, the Masters Tournament 11th, 12th & 13th holes.

15. Carry coals to Newcastle: Doing something obviously unnecessary. See also - sell refrigerators to Eskimos

16. Knock on wood: A superstitious act to secure good luck.  Possibly from a game of tag in which tapping a tree meant safety from capture.  Also possibly religious.

17. Raising Cain:  see Genesis 4

18. Bedlam: Uproar & confusion.  From a famous London insane asylum.

19. That's the $64 question:  The most important question to answer, from the 1940's radio quiz show "Take It or Leave It", which inflated into the 1950's scandal ridden "$64,000 Question."  

20.  Bazooka: You know it as a shoulder mounted rocket launch weapon - or maybe bubble gum.  But long before that it was ... a musical instrument.








Happy is the person that findeth wisdom.

Copyright ©  2023  Dave Hoplin


Thursday, September 7, 2023

Popular Books

My mother was an avid reader of fiction, a gene I inherited. She subscribed to the Book-of-the-Month Club and as a teen I eagerly awaited those monthly deliveries and devoured most of them. Traditionally, the choices were from "emerging authors" and not "popular" writers. As I remember you could refuse the editors' choice and choose an alternate. What a feast.

Recently I have read three "popular" books that have given me the urge to wax eloquent over them.  Of course, this urge toward eloquence and the implementation rarely correspond, so I beg to temper your expectations here. I generally try to avoid "popular" books, lengthy best seller dwellers or Oprah's picks or even Pulitzer winners. Booker Prize shortlist is usually a pretty good bet. I may be a book snob. When I indulge in the popular, I am frequently disappointed. But I have found there are exceptions to the rule.

Two of the three books have been subjected to criticism for "cultural appropriation", the author condemned for appropriating a subject which is foreign to their own culture and life experiences. I believe this is quatsch. What a boring body of work we would have if authors only wrote within the constructs of their own experiences and culture. No one should be able to tell a writer what they can or cannot write about. The human imagination is beyond restricting. But of course, all writing can and should be subject to criticism, for quality of writing, factual or style reasons - even this blog post - but don't tell me Dickens shouldn't write about the French Revolution or Tolstoy about Napoleon's winter campaign or Stowe about slavery. What is a fiction writer's job if not to imagine the lives of others? Has no one heard of "research"? The vast majority of published books are by white authors so perhaps a better question is who is allowed to utilize their imagination. And it's a fair question to ask, has the work crossed a line into exploitation rather than art.  [Note: I urge you to read the thought provoking deep dive on the subject in NY Times Magazine article "What Does Cultural Appropriation Really Mean?". It's a pretty long, but fascinating read.]

So enough on that and onto the waxing eloquent. Coincidentally, all these books are by white American women. As a testimony to their broad popularity, all three are spawning films, although that does not of itself recommend them.

The first book is American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins. 

This is the story of a Latino woman and her 8 year old son fleeing Mexico from a drug cartel that has murdered her investigative reporter husband and much of her family. It is a story of desperation and kindnesses and a fraternity of refugees on the run, walking and hitchhiking on freight trains on their journey to the US border. Although highly praised, the cultural appropriation controversy was so great that her book tour had to be cancelled for fear for her safety. The accusations are of cultural stereotyping but the book provides a sympathetic view of refugees, which I believe was her intent. NYT asks "Jeanine Cummins's much-anticipated novel “American Dirt,” about Mexican migrants crossing to America, is well intentioned. Is that enough?"  You must decide for yourself. (Imperative Entertainment has the film rights. Spoiler alert: NPR review)


The second book is Horse by Geraldine Brooks

I was #59 on the Dakota County Library digital hold list and after a few weeks I bubbled to the top. Horse is the story of Lexington (1850-1875), widely believed to be the greatest Kentucky thoroughbred and sire in American history. (e.g. sire of U.S. Grant’s mount, Cincinnati and of Preakness, namesake of the Preakness Stakes). The controversy here is around the imagined role of Jarret, the black slave groom of Lexington who is portrayed as the trainer and guide to Lexington's success. There is some evidence for this as accomplished black horsemen were well known in the pre-Civil War south. In addition to this main thread of the novel, there are fascinating side stories around equine art history, pre-Civil War 4 mile challenge races, Smithsonian articulation of horse skeletons. It’s a great read. The only downside for me was the ending, a contrived (in my view) incident designed to facilitate a moralizing conclusion.  (Sony Pictures has the film rights. Spoiler alert: WaPo review)


The third book is Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus

Attesting to its popularity, the Dakota County Library digital hold list on Bonnie Garmus' first novel was > 300, so I decided I could wait a year to read this one. Serendipitously, the next day a box arrived from a cousin in Seattle and therein lay a pristine hard copy of Lessons in Chemistry. Holy coincidence. This is the story of Elizabeth, a gifted research chemist in the 1950's, who is subjected to male chauvinism and intense job discrimination with her work being co-opted and credit taken by bosses and male chemist "colleagues". Some might say little has changed. Elizabeth eventually abandons her research career but finds a job hosting a TV cooking show, "Dinner at Six", that becomes wildly successful and where she subversively teaches chemistry and assertiveness to an almost exclusively female studio audience. The ending of the book is a bit smarmy and feel good and perhaps unrealistic for the times, but nevertheless a great read and a lesson in why we do not want to go "back to the 50's".  (Soon to be an Apple TV series. Spoiler alert: WaPo review)

Bon Appetit

Copyright ©  2023  Dave Hoplin

Friday, September 1, 2023

Brain Drain






Brain Drain!  Possibly the best compliment I've ever received. Of course, brain drain literally means ‘losing our minds’ so I should perhaps stay humble.

In the spring of '71 I had a newly minted Master's Degree from Montana State University and having TA’d a number of freshman level math classes, I was convinced I should become a professor. Unfortunately (or fortunately) there were a glut of candidates for every college or junior college level position in the places we were willing to relocate to. Harkening high school math classes, I did not want to go there. In any case, I did not have education credits needed for certification. Nor did I want to continue graduate studies trying to achieve fame by finally proving Fermat’s Last Theorem. [Nerd interlude: no three positive integers a,b,c satisfy the equation a^n + b^n = c^n for any integer value of n > 2. As a matter of interest this was finally proven by British mathematician, Andrew Wiles in 1995. It took him 7 years and the proof runs to 127 pages] 



What to do? Time to earn a living. 


A friend, a MSU PhD candidate pointed me at an ad posted by the Hansestadt Hamburg Schulbehorde seeking math and science teachers to come to Hamburg, Germany and teach in their school system. And on a whim, I applied  and was accepted. Now what?  We had newborn Matt and would face a trip across the pond for up to 2 years of who knows what. The grandparents were not thrilled.  But youth will have out and off we went.







Immigrant shock

I was one of 73 Americans to answer Hamburg's call. This was a radical, perhaps desperate, solution to an extreme teacher shortage. It was an impressive group, mostly Chemistry, Physics, Biology and Mathematics PhD's with a few 90 lb weakling Masters degrees like myself. Many went on to illustrious careers back in the USA. A good friend, Don, became a physicist at Los Alamos Labs. Many returned to professorships all around the country. 

We didn't think of ourselves as immigrants, but that was in fact what we were. Privileged immigrants to be sure. We had an income, help finding living quarters, a built-in community of fellow "immigrants", so it was not the traumatic, terror filled experience of refugees but we had to learn the nuances of a new culture. I know, 1st world problem.

We landed at Hamburg Flughafen to great fanfare - surprisingly.  Reporters eager to get a few quotes from the Gastlehrer.  We stood out holding a 3 month old.

We were loaded on buses and stopped at various locations to drop off a few people at a time ... until we were the only people left on the bus.  We were dropped off at an empty school dorm. WTH. Apparently, they felt a family with an infant needed to be isolated.  Protesting fell on deaf ears. Pretty depressing first day.

Month-long intensive German language classes began immediately - I had 2 years of German at Augsburg, but rust rust rust. My return to studenthood left Carol and baby to wander the neighborhoods.  Carol was recognized as apparently we had appeared on the nightly news, so I think that overcame Prussian "reserve". The people she would meet were welcoming and would try to converse, even attempting English. A kindly resident offered a "stroller" for Matt and we wore the wheels off that thing over the next year (see Bahnhof photo below).

262 am barls, Lurup

After a couple of weeks of dorm living, we were told an apartment had been secured for us and several other American teachers in a brand new apartment complex in Lurup, a NW Hamburg suburb. We secured nice quarters - and the justifiable anger of those families who were on the waiting list for these apartments and were bumped by these carpet-bagger Americans. The apartments were completely unfurnished so we had to scramble to find some cheap stuff.  We bought a bed and a crib but most of the rest of the household was furnished through "Sperrmüll", the once a month, put your unwanted stuff on the curb garbage service. We scrounged up a decent sofa , table, chairs  - and we bought a BBC capable Grundig radio for our entertainment.




Matt was a hit with the kids.
Monday is bedding airing day



Fried water

The Commute

We soon discovered that bureaucratic ineptitude is universal. Charlotte-Paulsen Gymnasium, the school I was assigned to, is in Wansbek, a NE suburb of Hamburg. Our apartment was in Lurup, a NW suburb and the commute required a street car to the train station, train to central Hamburg Hauptbahnhof and a transfer to a subway line and a 6 block to the school. An hour commute by Strassenbahn, S-Bahn, U-Bahn. And reverse that in the afternoon. I had a 4-zone transit pass. Happily the Hamburg transit system is fantastic, but it was still a lot of riding. Sort of like a commute from Mendota Heights to Blaine - via transit. For reference, Hamburg is a city of 2 million.



The School

Charlotte-Paulsen Gymnasium (CPG) is a girls' secondary school coincidentally named for Charlotte Paulsen, a social reformer & womens' rights activist from the mid-1800's. The school consisted of Uterstufe, levels 5-7; Mittelstufe, levels 8-10 and Oberstufe, levels 11-13.  CPG was an all girls school, but was in the second year of converting to co-ed by admitting boys to the incoming 5 grade class. The Mittelstufe graduated students after 10th grade and at that point they had to decide between Gymnasium, Trade School or work. Too young, but of course the parents made that decision. Students who completed Gymnasium almost always went on to University.

The Oberstufe students were pretty impressive, with drive and a burning desire to learn. There was healthy, and perhaps some unhealthy, levels of competition among the students for grades. The expectations upon them were high - I was teaching algebra concepts at 5th grade!  An interesting side story. A student was transferring from CPG to Bavaria. Her teachers met and "updated" her transcript since naturally the Prussian Hamburg schools were vastly superior to the Bavarian, so the updated transcript was sent south.

I taught an 11th grade class that consisted of a group assembled especially for me. Each student had been an exchange student in an English speaking country, usually Britain. So I could teach  this class auf English. What a pleasure. The young women were great. But I think it was the "English" part of the math class that was the draw. I took them out for ice cream instead of holding class one lovely Spring day. No one squealed on me.

The 5th grade class was another story. A raucous group of boys & girls. Teaching in a 2nd language is much more difficult than I had imagined. Try coming up with multiple ways to explain something with a limited vocabulary. Frustrating beyond words. Luckily I was teaching Math and the terms translated easily to German, but still. I felt sorry for the Chem & Physics & Biology folk.

The fellow CPG teachers were kind, for the most part. The younger staff were eager to talk about America. One teacher invited us to their home for a meal - a long commute. We were riding the train - and speaking english of course - and a fellow passenger seemed overly interested in our conversation.  We got off at the same stop and he then guided us to his home. He was the husband of the CPG teacher. They served us eel appetizers. Sketchy for a landlubber.

The older staff clearly had WWII pasts, including a couple with artificial limbs. I never had the courage to ask. Frau Bottiger, the head-mistress, told me that as a university student during the war, she chose math mainly because it was not "politiche".  One staff member, Wulf & his wife, sort of took us under his wing and helped us navigate the Those Strange German Ways.


Siebte Klasse

Charlotte-Paulsen entrance

Breaks

The German school year is long but broken up with a number of long breaks - Christmas, Easter, Pfingsten and Summer. We took advantage of this to travel, burning through our meager savings.  Paris, Sweden, Norway and around Germany. My uncle and family were doing a teaching sabbatical in Orebro, Sweden in 1972 so we traveled there to be with family. They took us to Hallestad, Sweden to discover family on my mother's side (see My People). Great fun. Snella volunteered to watch over Matt while we boarded a train to Oslo. 

On one of their breaks, they came to Hamburg for a visit. We traipsed all over Hamburg including a 6 AM Sunday morning vist to the famous Hamburg Fish Market, their version of the State Fair. 

In the fall a quick, interesting trip to Denmark. During the Pfingsten (Pentecost) break, a bus tour to Belgium, France, & a few days in Paris. Matt entertained the passengers by walking up and down the aisle collecting treats. We walked and jumped off and on trains with that stroller all over Paris. Matt was a great traveler.


And finally, in the summer before we left, we were invited by Dick & Jane - dear friends to this day - to travel through Scandinavia with them. They were also leaving for home and had bought a new Volvo. We took the ferry from Kiel to Oslo and walked from the pier to the Oslo Radhus. Not long after, Dick & Jane drove up and off we went across Norway to the fjords and many ferry crossings. In one such instance we managed to leave our driver (Dick) on shore as we sailed off. Jane must have had an extra set of keys because we drove off the ferry and patiently waited for the next one to arrive. Then north through fjord country to Leksvig and to Carol's ancestors, where we were greeted like royalty. They had the Norwegian flag flying for us. (see Johanna's Journey). Carol's grandmother had emigrated to Minnesota in 1907 and never returned. In 1972, Carol was about the same age as Johanna when she left home and was her spitting image. Johanna's sister Ingeborg was still living and cried and cried - tears of joy.  Johanna's great grandson! 

Ingeborg
After that high we traveled east across Norway and Sweden, to Lapland and down through Finland. A stomach churning ferry trip across the Gulf of Bothnia and another from Malmo to Denmark and we were back to the reality of preparing to leave.





Addendum: Hamburg to Lowry

We had issues getting back to the USA.  We rented a car in Hamburg and drove caravan style with Mike & Marty to Wiesbaden where we stayed at their relatives overnight. Then to Luxembourg for an Icelandic flight to NYC.  So far so good.  But our connecting flight to Mpls was Northwest Air and of course they went on strike.  Stranded at JFK.  Matt slept on top of a suitcase - no problem. 

Eventually we wrangled a flight to Chicago but Northwest was the main carrier from O’Hare to MSP, so stranded again.  We went from airline to airline to try to get a flight and finally decided to take a bus. One agent asked us if we had tried “Air Wisconsin” - Air What?  But it existed and we got 2 seats on a 16 passenger prop plane with a curtain between the passengers and the pilot.  They added 2 extra passengers (military sitting on their duffels).  5 stops between Chicago and Mpls. Airsick city. At one stop, Wausau I think, Carol was so queasy she went in to the “terminal” to get a 7-Up. She had no US $ so she paid in Deutsch Marks :-)  We got to Mpls and of course our luggage was nowhere to be found, stranded somewhere between NYC and MSP.  It did show up a couple weeks later.

We also shipped stuff, using our shrank as a shipping container. Hamburg to Milwaukee. This was mainly to hold the teak desk we had bought. We had a 2nd floor apartment and when the shippers came to pick it up, they bounced it down the stairway and when they got outside the broke off some of the fenceposts from the play area to serve as rollers to get the thing to the truck. Hard to believe but it all arrived safely with the final leg, Milwaukee to Lowry by Raymond Bros truck.

Homeward Bound

We left Hamburg for home after a year of teaching. It was a difficult year but I wouldn't trade this experience. We grew up - well I grew up - Carol was always the grown-up of the family. We had wonderful experiences and made life-long friendships. Great memories, mostly good. I decided to continue to teach in the US (see Thistledew). Having European teaching on a resume got me interviews I probably would not have otherwise. So we ended up back in Minnesota and have lived here happily for nigh onto 50 years. 

Fellow Americans


If you made it this far, congratulations.  I could write a book on that year abroad.

Copyright ©  2023  Dave Hoplin