L'etoile du Nord

I know. This is my 2nd French titled blog post this month. Désolé. I promise not to repeat this faux pas.  

Most Americans can identify Minnesota on a US map. It has a unique shape, easily differentiated from North Dakota. Beyond that, I suspect few know more of our region. Perhaps "Land of 10,000 Lakes" (it's actually 12,000+ by the way. Don't tell anyone, but Wisconsin has more). They may know us as the home of lots of Scandinavians (there are actually more Germans in Minnesota than any other nationality). Outside the 5 state area, we are "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma". [I stole that from Winston Churchill, however he was referring to the Soviet Union, not Minnesota. He'd never heard of Minnesota.]

The Minnesota State Motto is "L'etoile du Nord" - Star of the North - adopted in 1861 at the behest of Governor Henry Hastings Sibley. To me it’s overly pretentious for our humble state. French? Really? Star? Really? Our state seal is downright embarrassing. We have a big lake named "Superior". We have Grand Rapids, Grand Marais, Grand Meadow, Grand Casino but then we also have Little Canada and Embarrass. Once we had a hockey team called “North Stars”- they were poached by Dallas (Hockey in Texas? The place with stars on chests and helmets? Uffda.) 

Anyway, from whence cometh our Texas-like posturing? In the 1861, we were out on the edge of civilization, the new kid on the map, only 3 years into statehood and a Civil War looming. We were desperately trying to attract immigrants, competing with Chicago and Illinois, the home of Lincoln. We were the lost, the forgotten, the forsaken. What to do? Brazen it out. Minnesota answers the call. We will lead. Lafayette, we are here. We are Stars. 

Completely out of character. But on the other hand, the Mississippi River has its source in Minnesota at Lake Itasca - a major missed opportunity naming fail.

I have lived in Minnesota all my life excepting a couple brief periods for University and overseas work. So I am a consummate insider. Minnesotans and Minnesota culture are my bailiwick. This however only applies to my own generation. Gen-X, Millennial, Gen-Z, Gen-Alpha baffle me. 

(Caveat: all views expressed hereunder are my own.  Any resulting outrage should be directed my way.)

What really defines Minnesota and Minnesotans, beyond the How to Talk Minnesotan, Ole & Lena Jokes and snide Left/Right coaster stereotypes?  

Minnesota Nice. Believe it or not, this is mostly true. Minnesotans, as a rule, are nice. We give generously to charity, volunteer profusely and are genuinely kind. If you need a post-hole digger, your neighbor would be happy to loan it to you and perhaps give you operating instructions. If a tree blows down, your neighbor will appear with a chain saw - but won’t trust you to operate it. Get stuck in the snow and you'll soon have 4 burly guys giving you a push. And every community has someone who bakes too much (on purpose) and tells you you are doing her a favor by taking some. But “Minnesota Nice” is more "Welcome Wagon Nice" than "We should be friends, nice". Minnesotans like to maintain their personal space - about 4 ft. You can have all kinds of friendly exchanges with Minnesotans but it’s difficult to become a friend of a Minnesotan. But if you do enter that circle of trust, you will not find a better one. But then try to say goodbye in under an hour. [Caution, this niceness is not universal - see Minnesota Not So Nice]

Minnesota Stoic.  This is mostly true. We live in a harsh climate, although that seems to be changing rather rapidly. We tolerate -20°F winter cold and 100°F summer heat with little complaint. "Hot 'nuff for ya?"  "Pretty brisk today, ain't it?" There are also a greater percentage of introverts here than the national average, so you need to be patient in conversation. We tend to disagree with "hmm" or "interesting" or "that's different" and and agree with "uh-huh" or "oh boy". Once we get comfortable with you - say 5-10 years - we will engage in deeper conversations. 

Minnesota Language.  Uffda, there are books on this subject.  O-fer Pete's sake, get the Juicy Lucy, forever more. You betcha ... [supply your favorite] But we got slandered in that Fargo movie.  Fargo isn't even in Minnesota.

Minnesota Work Ethic.  We have a reputation of being hard working, dependable, competent and uncomplaining. Mostly true. We do bristle - not to be mistaken with expressing displeasure - at being taken for granted or being denigrated individually or as a group. Particularly by "outsiders".

Minnesota Humble. Pretty universal. Do good work, avoid the limelight. But, if truth be known, we appreciate praise as much as anyone else but we are clumsy in giving or accepting it. "Oh, it was nothing."  "I really couldn't have done it without (list of a dozen others)" - don't forget someone or you'll deal with the silent seethe for awhile.    

Minnesota Drivers. Bad. Somewhat true. We have developed a specific freeway maneuver - the "Minnesota Merge". Almost everywhere, on entering a freeway, it is the responsibility of the merging vehicle to assure collisions are avoided. Adjust your speed, brake or accelerate to merge with traffic. We do it different. Barrel down the entrance ramp with your foot to the floor and expect traffic to slow or shift left to let you in. Blinker/mirror/backward glance optional. And those roundabouts?  We just drive straight over the middle of 'em.

Minnesota Cuisine. Uffda, nay, what to say. It's true we are not that adventuresome when it comes to diet. We like what we like and don't see much reason to wander, except for 10 days at the State Fair. Then we howl, eating everything possible on a stick, including impossible burgers and deep fried Snickers. But ordinarily, our plate is pretty much dominated by whitish food - chicken or pork, mashed potatoes, maybe some creamed-corn for a dash of color, wild rice soup. Lots of coffee with plenty of cream, vanilla ice cream. Maybe a tater-tot hotdish for a changeup. (hotdish, not casserole). We don't generally go in for exotics like baked eggplant or sushi or too many spices. But we do love a good apple pie and church basement lutefisk suppers that always include a Swedish meatball option for the rare lutefisk averse. Add the requisite red jello topped with banana slices (called "salad" hereabouts) that melts all over the plate. 

Minnesota Recreation. On the sports scene, the aspire to be average gets a little old after 50 years or so. I'm pretty much tired of the character building, suffer in silence approach to fandom. But - thank you Lynx for the moments of jubilation. Mostly, we cope by heading up north. We all have lake cabins - except for me. We escape every summer weekend and frequently in the winter when we sit on a bucket in a little shack and stare into a hole in the ice hoping to eyeball a walleye. (Don't tell anyone but a lot of these up north places are in Wisconsin.)

Minnesota Frugal. The Scots have nothing on us. Look for us at garage sales (no, not tag sale or yard sale, even if you have no garage), Thrift Stores and early-bird senior specials. We are frenetic coupon clippers. But I draw the line at reusing paper napkins or recycling old underwear elastic as rubber bands (not binders) or driving 10 miles to find a 2¢ saving on gas.

Minnesota Wit. We are half compared to the rest of the country. But the charge that we are humorless is just pure slander. Why, just the other day, I heard a joke so funny, I almost laughed.

So in view of all this, I humbly propose changing our state motto to:

Nous ne sommes pas si spéciaux

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

Apologies, Mr. Paulson

 

English 12:  F

See me!

Editor note: I recently published the post reproduced here below, replete with grammatical and usage errors and readers were challenged to pick them out.  Just ain't got no excuses, so enclosed please find the enclosed enclosure.

===

English is screwy.  Speaking it is simple; little kids can do it. Written English is another story. Grammar, spelling and so, so many words to chose from.

As a blog author, I am of course concerned with proper grammar, mainly to avoid embarrassment. But some of you out their [there] are overly sensitive to it’s [its] misuse. You know whom you are (and so do I).  [Tricky. Probably "who" rather than "whom" but a case could be made for whom as the object of  know;"you know whom" but I think "who you are?” rules the day. Appeal to grammar police.] This post’s [Correct. This post is ..] for you, and all other grammaphobes. [I don't think grammaphobe is a word, unless you are afraid of your grandmother] Your [You're] the target audience. Your head may literally explode. [Literally? I think not] I expect that a some of you will require psychiatric care if you read to the end. 

Disclaimer: I will not accept any liability for personal injury.

OK, bare with me. [Please no. bear] I think this might peak [Could be, but I doubt it. pique] your interest.

First off, let’s get this ending a sentence with a supposition [preposition] out of the way right away [Department of redundancy department. "First off" / "right away", one or the other]. No less then [than] famed orator Winston Churchill has debunked this. “This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”

And give the power of the lowly comma it’s do [due]. A panda walks into a bar. “Eats, shoots and leaves.” (Alternatively, “Eats shoots and leaves.”) [Plagiarism caution.  This is taken. See https://smile.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation-ebook/dp/B000OIZSVY]

I love words and word play. I credit this that since before school age, my mother read to me.[Prepositional phrase reference. My mother read to me before she was school age.] So, in gratitude, I throw mom from the present a kiss. [Similarly, who or what am I throwing?] Furthermore, I past [passed] grammar school, so I am imminently [eminently] qualified to blogify [hmm] - ponderous and frivolous, he writes his prose. [What or who is ponderous and frivolous? He or his prose (or both)] I pledge to boldly [split infinitive] split infinitives, to diligently [split infinitive] endeavor to completely [split infinitive] annoy you. Of course, theres [there's] really no consequences for these errors. So I go, threw [through] the glass darkly.

I recently read Louise Erdich [Erdich's] The Master Butchers Singing Club. [Italicized book title is correct] I thought of launching such a business but I would need a couple of tenors for sausages and a couple sopranos for liverwurst. [tenors and sopranos are not that tasty] Everyone are [is. Everyone is singular] against the idea, so since I always be [am] realistic, I should of [have] known better and nipped the idea in the butt.[Possibly acceptable, but commonly, nipped in the bud]

After decline for the past few months, I need some new strategies with my blog. [What's declining, me or my blog? (or both)] Bloggers are always trying to increase readership. Thats [That's] the straw that beds the calf pen.[Strictly speaking, grammatically correct, but strange in this context. The cliche "straw that stirs the drink" is expected.] But what could provide the desired affect? [effect. hope you didn't miss this one] Maybe a dramatic change. [This is not a sentence, but given the previous question, perhaps acceptable] I am determined to make my future posts more inciteful. [Technically correct, but probably 'insightful' is the word intended] However, I could care less about numbers. [Actually, I could care less.  I couldn't care less is true.] I know y'all [Southern usage] like critics more than me. [Do you like critics more than me? Or do you like critics more than I like critics?]

So.  How did you do? Mr. P's comments would have been more ruthless and probably found several more mistakes.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

Poking the Bear

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.” ― Dorothy Parker 

"The past is always tense, the future perfect"  - Zadie Smith

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.” 
― Baltasar Gracián

English is screwy.  Speaking it is simple; little kids can do it. Written English is another story. Grammar, spelling and so, so many words to chose from.

As a blog author, I am of course concerned with proper grammar, mainly to avoid embarrassment. But some of you out their are overly sensitive to it’s misuse. You know whom you are (and so do I). This post’s for you, and all other grammaphobes. Your the target audience. Your head may literally explode. I expect that a some of you will require psychiatric care if you read to the end. 

Disclaimer: I will not accept any liability for personal injury.

OK, bare with me.  I think this might peak your interest.

First off, let’s get this ending a sentence with a supposition out of the way right away. No less then famed orator Winston Churchill has debunked this. “This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”

And give the power of the lowly comma it’s do. A panda walks into a bar. “Eats, shoots and leaves”. (Alternatively, “Eats shoots and leaves.”)

I love words and word play. I credit this that since before school age, my mother read to me. So, in gratitude, I throw mom from the present a kiss. Furthermore, I past grammar school, so I am imminently qualified to blogify - ponderous and frivolous, he writes his prose. I pledge to boldly split infinitives, to diligently endeavor to completely annoy you. Of course, theres really no consequences for these errors. So I go, threw the glass darkly.

I recently read Louise Erdich The Master Butchers Singing Club.  I thought of launching such a business but I would need a couple of tenors for sausages and a couple sopranos for liverwurst. Everyone are against the idea, so since I always be realistic, I should of known better and nipped the idea in the butt.

After decline for the past few months, I need some new strategies with my blog. Bloggers are always trying to increase readership. Thats the straw that beds the calf pen. But what could provide the desired affect? Maybe a dramatic change. I am determined to make my future posts more inciteful. However, I could care less about numbers. I know y'all like critics more than me.

So. How many grammar or usage errors did you count? Submit your answer. I will publish a markup and the professor's grade in a later post.

There remains the most contentious grammar dispute in the nation’s history.

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

 

“The question is whether the right to bear arms is related directly to service in a militia, or whether it’s an individual right conferred on every American. Opponents of gun control favor an individual rights reading, ignoring or minimizing the militia’s presence in the Second Amendment.”

When interpreting legal texts, including the Constitution, originalists insist on relying on original meaning at the time the law was adopted. Justice Antonin Scalia was the most well-known originalist on the Supreme Court. But Justice Roberts, Justice Alito, Justice Thomas and Justice Barrett are also associated with this view. It is certainly important to understand the Founders' intent as well as precedents through the years when deliberating a case. However,  I cannot accept that judges must defer to their understanding of those 1787 framers' intent and ignore contemporary frames of reference. Do you believe the Framers had “Citizens United” in mind when they included freedom of speech in the 1st amendment?

Nevertheless, what were the grammar rules in 1787 that the Constitution authors relied upon? (You must admit the 2nd amendment is an awkward sentence.) According to those 1787 grammar rules, the sentence structure of the 2nd amendment binds the right to bear arms to service in the militia.

Why does "A well regulated militia" introduce the amendment? Because the second part can’t happen without the first. Lindley Murray illustrates the structure in his school grammar published in 1795.  “His father dying, he succeeded to the estate.” Because the father dies, the son inherits. The 2nd amendment has the same cause and effect structure - because a well-regulated militia is necessary, the right to bear arms shall not be infringed  i.e. the right to keep and bear arms is essential for maintaining a militia. Additionally, the phrase "bear arms" was then and is today a term almost exclusively associated with the military. You do not "bear arms" against a gopher. 

For the record, I support the right to own a gun, but with some caveats.  I do not believe a private citizen should be able to purchase military style weaponry, large capacity magazines, untraceable ghost guns or be able to purchase a weapon without a background check (perhaps with a waiting period) or at unregulated gun shows. 

A recent Politico poll found that two-thirds of Americans favor common sense gun control.  83% support universal background checks. 76% support banning people on federal watch lists from owing a gun. 70% support a national database of gun sales.

Let's calm the waters and cool the inflammatory language. "They" are not coming for our guns. There are more guns (390 million) than people in the USA. Our children are being killed. Let's come together and pass reasonable laws that most people want. 

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

Southpaws

“Southpaw” most often refers to a left-handed baseball pitcher. It stems from the orientation of most ballparks. Home plate to centerfield is usually west to east, which puts the leftie’s arm to the south. Never heard of a “Northpaw” however. 

Roughly 90% of the world’s population is right handed. I was born left-handed. Over the years I have converted, “encouraged” to surrender natural for awkward. Eat with the right hand to avoid bumping elbows with the person to your left, unless you're able to wrangle a seat on one of the two favorable table corners. Writing - awkward, unless you can write in Arabic or Hebrew. Baseball. Try finding a left handed glove in Pope County. Or a bat. But my left side remains dominant, so I can and do revert. But the world is unfair to “wrong handers”.

A good number of the world's countries drive on the left. Japan, UK as well as most of the Commonwealth (India, Australia, South Africa, ..). You might think this is an enlightened action favoring the left-handers of the world, since a driver on the car’s right-side must shift with the left hand.  But ... no.  Once again, it’s the exact opposite, another form of discrimination against southpaws. Left side driving has its roots in the age of knighthood. In the Middle Ages, since most knights were right-handed and King Arthur made the rules, he decreed, ride on the left so your sword arm is in ready position if you encounter a foe. You won't have to backhand him to death. Left handed knights had a short life expectancy and were especially awkward jousting. 

Right side driving countries’ right-of-way rules say, “right’s right”.

Why is “right” a synonym for “correct”? Right/Left.  Right/Wrong.  Wrong!

Why do we write left to right? Right-handers can see what they’re writing, lefties just smear up the page or curl their hand in an unnatural contortion to avoid it, leading to life-long wrist problems. And illegible backward slant sentences.

On a QWERTY keyboard, the weird letters (Q,W,Z,X,V) are allocated to the left hand. The right hand gets the happy letters (I,O,U).  Clear righty bias.

Why are there no left-handed catchers mitts at Dick’s? Is it any wonder Dale Long is the only modern era MLB left handed catcher?

Why do honored guests sit on the right?  Even God’s “Right Hand” is dominant! Sheep to the right. Goats to the left.

You rely on your "right hand man". "Right as rain." "Might makes right."  Tiring isn't it.

Where are the tools for left-handers? Scissors? Computer mouse? Skilsaw? Hammer? Guitar? Lecture hall desk? Bolt action rifle?

Two left feet? Really?

Sinister is Latin for left. Defamation.

Horse races are mostly run counter-clockwise. Why?  It’s easier for right-handed jockeys  Of course.

But .. some pluses for left-handers. 

• If you have a good throwing arm, you can pitch in the Majors until you’re 50. 
• In Buddhism, the left hand represents wisdom.
• 6 of the past 12 Presidents have been left-handed.
• Lefties are better fighters. The surprise left hook.
• Lefties recover faster from a stroke.
• It's better to be picked 2nd to last as left fielder, rather than last for right field.

This, as I hope you recognized, is mostly tongue-in-cheek, although it is in fact a right handed world. But, real, damaging discrimination in this country is undeniable. I am privileged. I have not suffered overt discrimination in my life. But even the smallest of slights have impact. I was entering a Chicago hotel elevator with my young family and a mink stoled socialite commented: "This used to be such a fine hotel". To my credit, I swallowed my response. My kids were with me. But, to think this snooty remark still irks me 50 years later says something about me, but also about the power of words to offend. So consider the small (or large) slights you have felt (or perpetrated) - I know you remember them - and consider with compassion what many in this country endure daily. Let's vow to be kind and respect each other.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

KCMT

This is part 2 of 7 of my Marcel Proust imitation of "A La Recherche' Du Temps Perdu"  (Remembrance of Things Past)

Mine is the first generation immersed in television from early childhood. I am tempted to say raised on television. Television's effect on my generation was comparable to social media's on Gen Z. It changed our understanding of the world.

I think we got our first TV about 1956, a 17” black and white Setchel-Carlson that sat on a metal stand. The closest broadcast stations were 150 miles away in Minneapolis/St Paul. The first station was TV pioneer Stanley Hubbard’s KSTP followed by WTCN (which became WCCO). KMSP and KTCA completed the lineup. 

We had an antenna tower that stood along the south side of our house like a windmill and extended 20 feet or so above the roof line. The antenna position was controlled from the inside by a rotor which turned the antenna to the optimal reception position. Optimal was generally not too good. Reception tended to be “spotty”. The weather conditions needed to be much better than normal to get a clear picture, preferably cloudless with a SE wind. But be not dismayed - I happily watched Lassie running through the snow or Ramar of the Jungle in a blizzard, fiddling with the rotor all the while. But my favorites were "Victory at Sea", WWII US Navy documentaries on late Sunday afternoons followed by Edward R. Murrow's "See It Now". Reception in the evenings tended to improve, at times good enough to recognize Ed Sullivan on his "really big shew" or watch Pa, Hoss, Adam and Little Joe save Nevada from the bad guys. 

It wasn't until October of 1958 that the area got a dependable TV station. KCMT (Central Minnesota Television), Channel 7, broadcasting NBC programming from Alexandria. (Huntley-Brinkley instead of Walter Cronkite,  Jack Benny instead of I Love Lucy). The miraculous TV tower near Westport became a local tourist attraction soaring 1200' skyward. That changed everything. Once you get a reliably clear picture it’s hard to tolerate a fuzzy one. Color TV was years away.

KCMT introduced local on air personalities soon to become familiar and admired. Glenn Flint & Jon Haaven, news anchor. Jim Syrdal, weatherman, Bud Gorham, sports desk endearing itself to the area by focusing on high school sports. (No Twins or Vikings yet). "Welcome Inn" was a live, popular late afternoon talk show co-hosted by Natalie Johnson & Jon Haaven, plugging local events and people and occasionally featuring Jimmy Jensen singing "Walking in My Winter Underwear". That's about as edgy as it got. (You can probably find a parody of it on YouTube somewhere). And local filler broadcasts ("Echoes From Calvary","AFL-CIO Program") and public service announcements - and each night at midnight the national anthem and a test pattern.

Weekday mornings were Captain Kangaroo, not Sesame Street. 

And Saturdays, what a smorgasbord. Start off with cartoons - Bullwinkle, Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound. Then cowboys - Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Lone Ranger, Cisco Kid & Sky King.  And Fury, the black stallion. In the afternoon, baseball’s Game of the Week with the inimitable and prone to malaprop Dizzy Dean doing the color: “They ain’t gonna get nobody!” (American teachers appealed to the FCC to get Dizzy fired. He was setting a bad grammatical example for children. Dizzy defended himself: “A lot of folks who ain’t sayin‘’ain’t’, ain’t eatin’. So, Teach, you learn ‘em English, and I’ll learn ‘em baseball.”)

Weekday late mornings and early afternoons were dominated by soaps. Guiding Light (15 min episodes), As the World Turn (1st to experiment with 30 min episodes). But at 4:30 we tuned in Clellan Card as Axel & His Dog (Towser) telling corny jokes, riddles and knock-knocks from the treehouse. “What’s that in the road? A head?” And of course we could not miss the comprehensive news coverage on the 15 minute Huntley Brinkley Report at 5:30. Goodnight, Chet. Goodnight, David. Followed by local news, weather, sports & community billboard. (6:00, 6:10, 6:15, 6:20).

Evenings were dominated by cowboys, comedy, variety shows and doctors  Wagon Train, Bonanza, Have Gun Will Travel, The Virginian. Dr. Kildare, Ben Casey. The Honeymooner’s, Father Knows Best, Leave It To Beaver, Jack Benny, Ed Sullivan, Dinah Shore (see the USA in your Chevrolet), Perry Como, Milton Berle, Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante (goodnight Mrs. Calabash wherever you are). 

I liked “What’s My Line?” with Dorothy Killgalen, Bennett Cerf , Steve Allen & Arlene Francis, a 20 questions style quiz show trying to guess a some person's occupation and then as blindfolded panelists trying to guess the identity of a famous contestant.

And I was amazed by contestants knowledge on "21" and "$64,00 Question"  - until it was disclosed they were provided answers in advance. (I watch Jeopardy these days)

Early TV.  Pretty primitive, but we ate it up.

Chime in.  What's your favorite childhood TV show? 

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

A La Recherche' Du Temps Perdu

Many great writers slip in some French to show how erudite and sophisticated they or their characters are. A lot of mediocre writers do too.  My snippet of French is the title of Marcel Proust's massive unreadable masterpiece, 'A La Recherche' Du Temps Perdu' or in English 'Remembrance of Things Past',  sometimes translated as 'In Search of Lost Time'.  It goes on for 7 volumes and roughly 4000 pages.  It is unfathomable by mere mortals. I have tried, unsuccessfully, several times, never getting past Vol 1.

Remembrance of things past is perhaps an apt description of what I've been trying to do here. So ... boldly go .. my volume #1 (short form) 'Ma Recherche' Du Temps Perdu’.

I love baseball - have since I was old enough to throw a ball. Whenever I would head out on a summer’s day, usually on my Schwinn, I'd have my ragged baseball glove over the handlebars, hoping for serendipity of 3 or more others wanting to play at baseball.  I played high school, Legion, Town Team ball until my always limited but waning abilities forced a switch to slo-pitch softball.

Six decades later I still love baseball.  I love the crack of the bat - but oh I hate the ping of an aluminum bat. I love the thump of the ball hitting the catcher's mitt. I love the grace of a speedy outfielder running down a long fly ball.  I love the diving third baseman picking off a bullet down the line. I love a triple. I love the flowing beauty of a well-turned double play. I love a runner scoring with a perfect slide to avoid the tag.  I love a perfect throw to home plate from 300' feet away in centerfield nailing a runner trying to score. I love the greenness of a ballpark on a bright sunny afternoon or under the glow of lights with the players in white white uniforms. I love savoring the game with a brat and a beer.  

I love that no matter how many games you attend, you can almost always expect to see something you have never seen before - a no-hitter; an inside-the-park home run; a triple play; a walkoff loss from back-to-back infield errors; a somersaulting runner advancing to third; 3 innings without a ball in play (18 straight K's); a home run that bounces off an outfielder’s head over the fence...

I love that baseball is played in a "park", not a stadium. Most sports venues are not beautiful. Almost all baseball parks are. (Tampa Bay & The Metrodome excepted). Every park has uniform infield dimensions - 90' between bases, 60' 6" from pitcher's rubber to home plate. Beyond that most anything goes. Every field has different dimensions and usually some quirk. Fenway's green monster; TCF Bank's limestone overhang; Wrigley's ivy; Oracle Park's McCovey cove; Oakland Coliseum's several acres of foul territory; Yankee Stadium's right field short porch built for the Babe; Oriole Park's warehouse behind right field; and the long lost Polo Grounds with it's 485' fence in centerfield or the LA Coliseum with its 250' left field and 440' right field. Lowry's right field sloped so steeply you could only see half the right fielder from home plate.

I love that baseball has no clock to run out - although there are times I wish there were. Detractors say the game drags. But really, there is not enough time between pitches for the manager to make all the decisions needed.  What's the next pitch? Where should the infield/outfield be positioned? Hit and run?  Steal?  Bunt?  Pinch hit?  Kick dirt on the umpire? ...

But ..  baseball has changed drastically in the past 20 years.

Baseball used to be a strategy game with 2 field generals matching wits with lots of options. It is still a game of strategy but it’s a pretty simplistic one. Basically, station-to-station baseball and wait for a 3 run homer. Home runs rule the game, so much so that hitters with their upper-cut swings, launch angles and exit velocity to maximize fly balls have also made the strikeout the most common out, more than 41,000 in 2019, the most in history, roughly 25% of all outs made. e.g to date, Twins Miguel Sano has 49 K’s in 112 at bats. Pitchers are dominating. Strikeouts eat up time and combined with endless pitching changes, the average length of a game is over 3 hours. And the baseball owners apparently see this as an opportunity to sell more beer rather than an existential crisis for the game. Strikeouts are boring. Home runs are a brief pleasure or pain. This combination is destroying a beautiful game. 

As much as it pains me to write this sentence, my game is becoming unwatchable, something baseball diss’ers have proclaimed to me back when games were actually exciting. Although I cannot abandon this passion, I will watch less and I’m inclined to allocate my baseball budget to the Miesville Mudhens or Benson Plowboys or Hastings Hawks or Nimrod Gnats or Traverse City Pit Spitters or Rochester Honkers. 

MLB needs to be fixed. Let’s move the pitching rubber back a foot. Let’s move fences back 10’. Let’s make the designated hitter universal (yes, I am a traditionalist and loathed the DH. But hitters can’t even bunt anymore and pitchers, who haven’t had to hit since high school, are so inept at the plate there might as well be a “raise 3 fingers” for an automatic strikeout like for intentional walks.  So you see, I can change my mind. But don’t get me going on infield shifts or a free runner on 2nd in extra innings.

I fear Marcel & I might have unreadability in common.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

The Great Race

The Pope County Fair in Glenwood each August used to feature harness races with sulkies on the large oval track on the east end of the fairgrounds, an event that drew great crowds. Pretty thrilling. But Lowry had an equally gripping, nearly annual, family race that captured the imagination of the locals: Ole vs Jim.

Jim Robieson was the long-time Lowry depot master, beginning in 1923 when the Robieson family moved from Montana. Ole Hoplin was the Lowry undertaker, hardware owner and electrician. 

Jim Robieson and Ole Hoplin were good friends and after the Robieson's moved out of the depot, they became next door neighbors.

In 1923 the Robieson's had 5 children: James, Ruby, Kenneth, Clarence and Francis.  And the Hoplin's  had 4 children: Oliver, Elise, Glenn & Donald.  

5-4. Robieson.

Doris Robieson arrived shortly after the Robieson's arrived in Lowry in 1923.  

6-4. Robieson

In 1924, Ruth Hoplin arrived on the scene, followed by Paul in 1927.  Roy Robieson was also born in 1927.  

7-6. Robieson

In 1928 Miriam Hoplin arrived. 

7-7.  The Hoplin's had pulled into a dead heat.

In baseball, a big inning is often crucial in determining the outcome.  Even God acknowledges, "In the big inning ..". Well, 1930 was the year. In July, twin Robieson girls were born. Laberta & Roberta. 

9-7 Robieson.

Ole went to Jim and said: "If you're going to start having them 2 at a time, I give up."   

Game over.

Ole of course claimed the game was rigged.  Jim had a head start. Ole had married at age 28, forfeiting prime time. However, there was no backbiting. The family connections remained strong with Donald & Doris marrying in 1948, with Miriam maid of honor and Roy best man.

credits:  Roy Robieson & Mark Hoplin for preserving this invaluable Lowry history.  Mark is grandson of both contestants.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

Lowry to the Rescue

 

Lynn Lundin's Bethel Football Squad

In the  1950's, my Uncle Lynn, married to my Aunt Miriam, was the football coach at Bethel College in St. Paul.  Bethel was scheduled to play Wapehton School of Science on a fall Saturday afternoon. Liederbach Bus Service provided the transportation to Wapehton. Liederbach operated a bus service from the Twin Cities to Fargo on Highway 55 for many years using older, cast-off Greyhound buses.  

The Bethel charter blew an engine in Buffalo - stranded. Along comes Phil Wagner, the Lowry cattle trucker, and sees this group of young men standing by the roadside.  He stops and offers them a ride in the back of his cattle truck as far as Lowry. Having faith, they loaded up their gear and climbed into the back of the truck, not knowing how they might traverse the remaining 100 miles. When the team reached Lowry perhaps aromatic, Dave Nelson & Herman Engebretson organized a car caravan and drove them the rest of the way to Wapehton, just in time.  After all that, I hope they won the game. Liederbach graciously dispatched another bus for the return.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin