English 12: F
See me!
Editor note: I recently published the post reproduced here below, replete with grammatical and usage errors and readers were challenged to pick them out. Just ain't got no excuses, so enclosed please find the enclosed enclosure.
===
English is screwy. Speaking it is simple; little kids can do it. Written English is another story. Grammar, spelling and so, so many words to chose from.
As a blog author, I am of course concerned with proper grammar, mainly to avoid embarrassment. But some of you out their [there] are overly sensitive to it’s [its] misuse. You know whom you are (and so do I). [Tricky. Probably "who" rather than "whom" but a case could be made for whom as the object of know;"you know whom" but I think "who you are?” rules the day. Appeal to grammar police.] This post’s [Correct. This post is ..] for you, and all other grammaphobes. [I don't think grammaphobe is a word, unless you are afraid of your grandmother] Your [You're] the target audience. Your head may literally explode. [Literally? I think not] I expect that a some of you will require psychiatric care if you read to the end.
OK, bare with me. [Please no. bear] I think this might peak [Could be, but I doubt it. pique] your interest.
First off, let’s get this ending a sentence with a supposition [preposition] out of the way right away [Department of redundancy department. "First off" / "right away", one or the other]. No less then [than] famed orator Winston Churchill has debunked this. “This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”
And give the power of the lowly comma it’s do [due]. A panda walks into a bar. “Eats, shoots and leaves.” (Alternatively, “Eats shoots and leaves.”) [Plagiarism caution. This is taken. See https://smile.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation-ebook/dp/B000OIZSVY]
I love words and word play. I credit this that since before school age, my mother read to me.[Prepositional phrase reference. My mother read to me before she was school age.] So, in gratitude, I throw mom from the present a kiss. [Similarly, who or what am I throwing?] Furthermore, I past [passed] grammar school, so I am imminently [eminently] qualified to blogify [hmm] - ponderous and frivolous, he writes his prose. [What or who is ponderous and frivolous? He or his prose (or both)] I pledge to boldly [split infinitive] split infinitives, to diligently [split infinitive] endeavor to completely [split infinitive] annoy you. Of course, theres [there's] really no consequences for these errors. So I go, threw [through] the glass darkly.
I recently read Louise Erdich [Erdich's] The Master Butchers Singing Club. [Italicized book title is correct] I thought of launching such a business but I would need a couple of tenors for sausages and a couple sopranos for liverwurst. [tenors and sopranos are not that tasty] Everyone are [is. Everyone is singular] against the idea, so since I always be [am] realistic, I should of [have] known better and nipped the idea in the butt.[Possibly acceptable, but commonly, nipped in the bud]
After decline for the past few months, I need some new strategies with my blog. [What's declining, me or my blog? (or both)] Bloggers are always trying to increase readership. Thats [That's] the straw that beds the calf pen.[Strictly speaking, grammatically correct, but strange in this context. The cliche "straw that stirs the drink" is expected.] But what could provide the desired affect? [effect. hope you didn't miss this one] Maybe a dramatic change. [This is not a sentence, but given the previous question, perhaps acceptable] I am determined to make my future posts more inciteful. [Technically correct, but probably 'insightful' is the word intended] However, I could care less about numbers. [Actually, I could care less. I couldn't care less is true.] I know y'all [Southern usage] like critics more than me. [Do you like critics more than me? Or do you like critics more than I like critics?]
So. How did you do? Mr. P's comments would have been more ruthless and probably found several more mistakes.
Copyright © 2021 Dave Hoplin
No comments:
Post a Comment