Here's a starter list. Pile on.
Add your nominations in the comments and I'll take them under consideration.
e-Bikes with throttles relegated to streets.
The Heritage Foundation - you know, the Project 2025 folks - will be required to publish their voter fraud data annually and news outlets will headline the results.
Every citizen will vote. Election day will be a national holiday. The Electoral College will be disbanded.
Everyone will have access to affordable health care.
Private jet subsidies will be eliminated and owners will be charged $10 million annually for airport landing fees. Same for yachts. Port fees.
Churches will lead a compassion surge.
We will all eat strawberries and cream.
Vikings will win the Super Bowl. Twins will win the World Series. Gophers will beat Ohio State.
Justice will roll down like waters.
Slow traffic stays right. Super-speeders and lane weavers will be jailed.
Lane splitting law will be repealed.
35E speed limit between St.Paul and the river will be 55 mph.
Rendition only meaning will refer to musical performances.
A chip in your forehead will flash when you lie.
Apple pie for breakfast will be found to deliver significant health benefits.
Book reading will once again be a popular leisure activity.
Zuckerberg will give us all sound suppressing headphones.
Crypto will collapse.
Education will include a thorough knowledge of history.
Oligarchs will pay reparations and their New Zealand redoubts will be confiscated.
School lunches will be free.
USAID will be restored and again save lives world-wide.
Anything produced with AI will have an embedded watermark indicating that fact.
USA will stand up to Putin. Ukraine will be free and independent.
Climate action will be funded and celebrated. Antarctica melt halt will be a priority.
Plastic chairs will be banned.
Vehicles will have sensors to automatically activate turn signals.
The ballroom will become a hockey arena and the donors will pay for the renovation.
Airline CEOs will have to book their own flights using their company's app and fly middle seat tourist.
Gutters will come pre-installed with leaf guards.
People will be themselves, except nicer.
Non-slip sidewalks and curbs in bright neon will be mandatory anywhere that has winter.
RFK heresies will be purged. No, God is not an anti-vaxxer. Vaccines will again be recognized as life saving.
Minimum wage will be sufficient to support a family.
PACs will be abolished.
Electricity will be wireless. No more cords.
Congress will once again be the country's law-making body.
Common courtesy will become common.
Charitable contributions will leap. The homeless will be housed.
The next Presidential race will match two women.
We'll take away your Rolls Royce, mate.
Copyright © 2025 Dave Hoplin
Excellent list! Only one disagreement: the ballroom will be torn down and replaced with something tasteful and useful, all paid for by the oligarchs who threw in their bribes for the ballroom's construction. At a design exhibition yesterday I spotted this line: "the indiscriminate replication of past styles"--pretty much sums up what is being done to the White House.
ReplyDeleteHockey arenas can be designed to be tasteful :-)
DeleteI like the automatic turn signals as long as they also automatically turn off,
ReplyDelete