Answers in the Back

Socrates is credited with the maxim "an unexamined life is not worth living", supposedly uttered during his trial for impiety and corrupting youth and for which he was sentenced to death. So .. maybe that's not the model to follow. 

Viktor Frankl's remarkable "Man's Search for Meaning" is an account of his time in a Nazi concentration camp, his amazing survival story and where he developed his philosophy for a meaningful life. It's all about attitude.  Worth a read. 

In contrast, my life, although not without challenge, grief and disappointment, has been much blessed. Happily boring, as the novelist says, "a happy life, the kind that doesn't make for an interesting story." 

An examined life is as rare as common sense, checked by “self-help” gurus. Let someone else prescribe for you. The self-help market is forecasted to be $14 billion by 2025, although I’m inclined to believe $13.9B is quatsch. So, insecure American, that makes your share about $50/year.

Rest assured, I am not heading off to Kathmandu or contemplating biking cross-country or writing the Great American Novel. I am constrained by the possible. However, ... what follows, dogmatic as it sounds, I accept that there are no answers in the back. Charlie is right. Nevertheless, here’s my 50 bucks worth of Ann Landers-ish boring Variety Section back page insight. 

Gratis. No obligation. 

➢ Be optimistic. It is a constant struggle and an oft repeated mantra in my brain. It does not come naturally to me. But cynicism yields a grouch. And no one loves a grouch. There is much about the world that works against being optimistic. Evil exists. Cruelty exists. Civil society isn't. But for a healthier me, I chose optimism and faith in the human spirit (usually) even when events all too often argue against it. Perhaps optimism is an act of courage.

➢ Avoid a quest for prestige. I am well over the need of the approval of others. So this is not a hard one for me but ..  the "cocaine of self-importance" is exactly that - addictive and destructive. Maya Angelou advised: "when people tell you who they are, believe them. However, when people try to tell you who you are, don't believe them." Never let yourself be defined by others. What is said about you reveals more about the sayer than sayee. Try this: Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less.

➢ How much is enough? Take it from me, the accumulation of stuff presents a problem as you age.  So .. be generous - with resources, time and words. It's good for you, actually better for you than the receiver of your largesse. Offer praise freely and sincerely. However, giving praise requires paying attention. Give time. Find a cause that is dear to you and volunteer. These things cost nothing and the pay is fantastic.

➢ Stick to it. Don't expect instant gratification. "Like" counts do not determine your self worth. In this age of social media instant feedback obsession, the temerity to "hang in there", tenacity to achieve a goal is the first characteristic of success. Remember the old saw - success is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration. Almost any worthwhile achievement takes time and perseverance. 

➢ Don't be afraid to change your mind. This, I know, is a tough one. Most opinions are based on superficial "facts" or co-opted from others. True, honest conviction takes open mindedness, time, study and thought. And remember, "I don't know" is perfectly acceptable.

➢ Don't fear the quiet. I tend to be a somewhat solitary person so this is not a huge challenge for me. The real challenge is overuse. Reserve time for solitude and don't shy from the spiritual, whether in a church pew, a long solitary walk or a bike ride to nowhere particular. 

➢ Engage with people. This may seem contradictory along side the above, but both are healthy behaviors. COVID has made this more difficult and society has been damaged beyond the 1 million American funerals. Make the effort to retain & maintain relationships.

➢ Keep moving. It is tempting to become a spectator and slip into a sedentary life as you age. Get off your duff, not just for your physical well-being, but for your mental health as well. The best medicine for depression is exercise. Keep it wigglin' as an 80 year young biker lady once told me.

➢ Stay awake. As in awareness of the small beauties & pleasures that surround us. Savor - a friend's laugh, a walk in the woods, a poem or a song that makes your eyes water, shared memories, a flower garden, an anonymous act of kindness, lefse, a sunrise, a bible verse, a thunderstorm, an old photograph, a good novel, a creek running, a grandchild’s hug, .. the list goes on.

➢ Choose “work” that brings you joy. If you are retired (or when you retire), remember - retirement means “beyond work”, not dead or worthless. You are free to redefine the word “work”. It does not need to be income producing or adhere to a schedule.  Do not forswear your ability to positively impact the lives of others. 

 

Come, my friends, 'Tis not too late to seek a newer world. Tennyson

Copyright ©  2022  Dave Hoplin