The Power of Words

Not me

A recent Washington Post article gave me pause and sent my mind lurching back 60 years. The lede to the story was about two broadcasters summarily dismissed for mocking participants in a basketball game. This story illustrated both the worst and best of we humans. 

"The incident quickly sparked outrage in the small community. Many praised the immediate firing of the broadcasters." One person wrote, "those singled out in that video will never forget that.  It will stick with them for the rest of their lives."

You may think that's hyperbole?  Let me tell you. It struct a chord.

I was a scrub on the high school B-Team basketball squad. We practiced with the A-Team. The head coach was introducing a tip-in drill - put the ball against the backboard and a player following would tip it in.  When my turn came, the coach said "just miss it like you usually do". Garnered quite a few laughs. 

That was the end of my going nowhere basketball career. I turned in my uniform and quit. This of course, reveals my teen-age insecurities, but being shamed in front a peer group is achingly painful and the memory of it still brings bile to my throat. Stupid - I know. I'm confident I'm the only person on the planet who remembers this incident and it was surely forgotten by the coach and teammates by the following day. 

The lesson here is, once words leave your lips, you can't retract them. Attempts at humor that attack or belittle are not funny.  Don't under-estimate the power of your words.

Copyright ©  2022  Dave Hoplin

Deep Thoughts - Vol 2

Continuing the New Year no resolutions resolution - replaced by an offering of deep thoughts, a tradition, if 2 years in a row (2021) qualifies as a tradition. 

2022. 2nd annual Deep Thoughts - You know, Jack Handey-like, without the schmalzy music.

What do you suppose people who were alive B.C.E were thinking as each year got closer and closer to zero?

Pretty sure the earth is screwed. We need an exit strategy.

How many coats do you need to live in Minnesota you wonder?  6. 8 if you're a biker - with up to 4 in use on a single day. Caveat: Valid for males of the species only.  

I can’t explain what I’m feeling but I can find you a song that will.

In view of the fact that God limited man’s intelligence it seems unjust He did not do likewise  for stupidity. (borrowed from Konrad Adenauer)

I see no good reason to make the bed every day. Convince me.

I got a pair of socks this Christmas labeled "L" & "R" on the toes. Life just continues to get more and more complicated.

Windchill factor is a cruel weather stat whose only purpose is to give you something to talk about.  Let's get rid of it. Climate is already scary enough.

OPS and WAR are worthless statistics. Nobody understands them anyway.

Some sports defy explanation. Ice fishing. Cricket. Hurling. Baseball. Tiddlywinks. 

Diabetes is a cruel disease. It inflicts feelings of guilt nearly every day.

Every man has a plan that will not work. 'Fortune favors the brave' for example.

Unfortunately there is no vaccine for idiocy.

Toilets and zippers have little changed in the past 100 years. So much for progress.

What are the odds that every single t-shirt coming out of the dryer is inside-out? Yup. 90%.

I wish for you peace of mind. Or is it piece? Homonyms are tricky.

As you age you learn anatomy like a med student, naming all the body parts causing you pain.

Opposable thumbs distinguish we humans but let’s not go overboard on praise for opposing.

A good book enriches the mind and soothes the soul.

You may think you are as wonderful as your dog thinks you are, but you might want to get a second opinion from your cat.

Fail + fail + fail is the road to success. But after thrice you might recheck the map.

Godwin's Law has a new corollary.  Any one or thing you dislike gets labeled Communist.

Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure WWJD doesn't include pseudo-profanity.

A good poem can make your eyes water.

There are few things more frustrating than ... forgetting what you were about to say.

Health care workers.  You have my heart.

Copyright ©  2022  Dave Hoplin 

On a Trip to the ER

One of the things I have dreaded during this pandemic is the need to go to an ER - into the mouth of the contagion. So of course, that’s exactly what happened.

Except - it should not have happened. A semi-urgent procedure, normally handled routinely at a specialty clinic. But .. “we are short staffed with many out due to COVID. There are no appointments for several days.”

So, the doctor says, “Go to the ER. They have to treat you there.” It has come to that. We join the ranks of the homeless and indigent in using the overwhelmed and costly emergency medicine services as the default. Thankfully,  all went well and there was no hospital stay, although there may not have been an available bed.

I am furious, raging angry at you, you the unvaccinated. This health care crisis is at your feet. You not only endanger friends and family with the threat of infection, you overload the health care system, endangering countless others seeking urgent care and infect medical staff to make the crunch even worse.

This has become personal for me. 

Get vaccinated. People are dying.

Copyright ©  2022  Dave Hoplin 

More Mansplaining

By popular demand¹, here’s the 2nd edition of Dave's Mansplaining, advice for the bewildered male, a woefully underserved population.

Chase from Manhattan writes:  "Should I be investing in that Klepto thing?”

Dave says:  Chase, I assume you mean Crypto, although there’s an element of mania there so maybe you’re not that off. My bit of advice.  No.

Herman from Herman writes:  "I am in a quandary. What to do for Valentine's Day?"

Dave says:  Well Herm, February angst is rampant. Are you the bachelor farmer that sent off for a mail-order bride? It's hard to top that kind of romance. Perhaps something from Amazon.

Clayton from Moorhead writes:  "Should I be wearing a mask?"

Dave says: Kemo Sabe, if you have but an ounce of consideration for your fellow man; if you winter in Minnesota; if you are a super hero; if you're ugly - wear a mask.

Gustave from Le Sueur writes: "I have just finished reading Moby Dick. It must be the greatest novel ever written."

Dave says:  Well, Gus, I agree it's a whale of a book. But you have "Madame Bovary syndrome”, the irresistible need to praise fat books so you don't have to admit you have just wasted a boatload of time.

Jerry from Fargo writes:  "My girlfriend says she’s dumping me because I am always committing faux pas. What is that even?"

Dave says:  Jerry, oh geez. Fake gnus

Al from Worthington writes: "Have you seen those obnoxious 'you’re turning into you parent' commercials slandering my entire generation? Who do I go after?"

Dave says: I'm with you Al. Try to lay off their pitch, but for relief, if you must, sue your parents.

Zack from Hackensack writes: "Should I be eating vegan?"

Dave says: Don't look back, Zack. It's not a bad idea. Better for the environment and your arteries and better economics to boot. A hamburger and a beer is 20 bucks these days. Be sure to cook the kale in olive oil. It slips out of the pan into the trash so much more smoothly.

Greg from Mendota writes: "My barber of the past 20 years has retired. What am I going to do?"

Dave says: "Greg, oh the humanity. That’s a rough one. I'd look into downloading some barber podcasts."

Wally from Mayfield writes: "What can you do with a brother who always gets crumbs in the butter? Makes me furious. Any ideas?"

Dave says: Gee Wally. I’m not really licensed for this. This sibling rivalry speaks to a lack of maturity and perhaps deep seated anger issues. I suggest you stop over to the Anderson’s and have a chat with the father who knows best.

Brad from Beardsley writes: "I've been working from home for a couple years now. I have an oily pony-tail, a graying beard, BO and have gained 30 pounds. Help".

Dave says: It's not so bad, Brad. Look on the bright side. You’re well below the median on the weight gain.

Ernest from Ogilvie writes: "My father, Frank, is aging and I believe he needs to move to a care facility."

Dave says: Time for a Frank and Ernest conversation. Ernest, be Frank. But don't accept an ok to a move too quickly. We old guys will suffer most anything to avoid being a burden. Try to find a way for your pa to remain independent. There are lots of helping hands - Meals on Wheels, Home Health nursing, etc. 

Ryan from Times Square writes: “My New Year’s celebration was somewhat muted this year. How about you?”

Dave says: Ryan, I can relate. But your definition of muted is significantly louder than ours. We declared the year New with Halifax folks (AST), downed an eggnog, pronounced good riddance to 2021 and then off to the arms of Morpheus.

Buck from Rogers writes: "Hey, Dave. I'm trying to book a spot on Bezos' next rocket ride. Want to tag-along?."

Dave says:  I'd Buck the trend if I were you, Rocket Man. Personally, I refuse to countenance multiple billions toward a self indulgent ego trip that produces a lifetime of climate changing pollution for a 10 minute joyride. 

Julia from Cook writes: "Why are most chefs men?"

Dave says: Because it’s a job where you have the joy and someone else cleans up after you. Perfect. 

Axel and his dog write: "OK. Enough already.”

Dave says: Birdie with a yellow bill, Hopped upon my windowsill, Cocked his shining eye and said, ‘Look at the orange mama laid’.

Copyright ©  2022  Dave Hoplin 

Footnotes

¹ one request

Let Us Resolve

The Beatitudes, a series of blessings bestowed on the humble, the merciful, the righteous, open the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:3-12), a concise summary of the Christian ethic and a model for The Work of Christmas. 

3Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

5Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

6Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

7Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

8Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

9Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

10Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. 12Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.   

In the face of today's toxic "us vs. them" society, where the gospel of discontent, anger and hatred dominates, the beatitudes' call for decency, kindness and empathy seems almost quaint. 

One prominent public figure has declared: "decency is for suckers".  New Testament ethics just get in the way.

I beg to differ. 

But maybe some Old Testament directness is needed.

I am imagining the beatitudes transposed to the Law of Moses.  

   

Deuteronomy perhaps. 

3 Thou shalt not be a billionaire

   for they travel the heavens on the backs of minimum wage ill-begotten gains

4 Thou shalt not mourn with thoughts and prayers 

   for they do nothing to prevent the continued slaughter of the innocents. 

5 Thou shalt not be obstinate

   for they endanger fellow citizens lives in the name of personal freedom

6 Thou shalt not be sanctimonious

   for they attack the beliefs of others 

7 Thou shalt not be ruthless

   for they use deceit to withhold equal rights and the blessings of liberty

8 Thou shalt not be an exploiter

   for they profit while destroying the earth

9 Thou shalt not be a warmonger

   for they insist on ever increasing spending for weapons of war

10 Thou shalt not be a persecutor

     for they support cruelty and treat diversity a threat

11 Thou shalt not insult, mock or speak all kinds of falsehoods.  

12 Thou shalt not malign the poor but rather help them out of poverty

     for there but for the grace of God go thee

In 2022

   Let us resolve together to rekindle kindness and practice decency. You know - that Golden Rule thing that seems to have so fallen out of favor.

Copyright ©  2022  Dave Hoplin