Senator No

This was an opportunity.

A chance.

A chance to declare to the world.

Reporting for duty.

A Mountaineer coal baron responds.

Nope. 

Addendum July 2022 - from the New Yorker

On the occasion of the 3rd failure of the US Congress to act on Climate Change 

"Most of the bad decisions that politicians make are forgotten in the fullness of time—there have been Manchins before, and there will be Manchins again. But this Manchin, in 2022, will never be forgotten, not as long as humans are grappling with the most fundamental challenge we’ve ever faced."  

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin 

The Work of Christmas

When the song of the angels is stilled,

When the star in the sky is gone,

When the kings and the princes are home,

When the shepherds are back with their flocks,

The work of Christmas begins:

To find the lost,

To heal the broken,

To feed the hungry,

To release the prisoner,

To rebuild the nations,

To bring peace among people,

To make music in the heart

                                           Howard Thurman

Reality Bites

The body of a 25 year old lives in my mind. I know that is delusional but I think it is a belief held by a majority of American males of a certain age. It gets me in trouble occasionally; on a 35 mile bike ride or trying to stand up after kneeling on a cold garage floor. 

Daily, I experience poignant moments that belie my illusions and are likely wake up calls from the Almighty.  

Reality bites. A proper english sentence, subject & verb.

When I walk up to an intersection and the light turns to "Don't Walk" and there are 18 seconds on the clock, I get the urge to jog. As I near the opposite curb, I wonder if my knees will fail me.  Not 25

Each day I read aloud the name of each deceased in the Star Tribune obituary section. I know, it's weird. But why do families post obits? Because they loved and they want the world to acknowledge their loved one's existence. So I dedicate a second of my time in their honor. When I encounter someone of my own age, I read it. Not 25. Besides, some of the world's greatest fiction is published in the obit columns.

I turn my entire upper torso to look left or right. The reason being is my range of motion in my neck is about 30°.  Arthritis. It can make negotiating intersections or checking the rear-view-mirror somewhat painful. And all this twisting is hard on my back. Not 25.

Speaking of my back, we got 16" of snow the other day and after the plow went by the banks at the bottom of the drive were 3' high, which I dug out. Happily, my neighbor with a mega-snow blower came to my rescue. Not 25.

I like to watch Jeopardy. It's quick recall challenge. I used to be better at it. I have convinced myself that's because the categories are more contemporary and pop-culture oriented. I draw a blank at those clues. Not 25. Try me on baseball or the Civil War and I rock.

Speaking of pop culture, the local paper has a daily feature of highlighting 6 famous birthdays . I'm happy if I recognize half the names and I'm frequently skunked.  Not 25.

I occasionally play catch (baseball) with the neighbor boy. He's 10.  My comfortable 90' throws are a distant memory. 20' is about my limit and break out the Bengay.  When I get invited to throw out the first pitch at a Twins game, I fear I will produce an embarrassing YouTube video. Not 25.

Aches and Pains. Carpometacarpal (CMC) Joint. Periformis Syndrome. Plantar Fasciitis. And long bike rides invariably lead to wicked evening leg cramps. My wife giggles behind my back at my writhing agony, unable to stand, punishment for sins of omission. Not 25.

My music tastes tend toward Peter, Paul & Mary, Simon & Garfunkel, Bob Dylan, Bonnie Raitt and college choirs. You get the picture. Not 25.

I've never been good at names but when it takes several seconds to come up with your neighbor's last name, the fear of old-timers disease creeps. Considered that ginkgo supplement, but chose to stick with caffeine as my brain altering drug of choice. I can recite the entire Twins lineup from 1965, but can't recall the name of this year's manager. Not 25.

I like to go over to the park and shoot baskets for the exercise and fun. My vertical is now about 2".  And usually, when I release my devastating jump shot, my toes are touching the court surface.  Not 25.

I start thinking about supper at 4:30 and start yawning at 9:00.  Not 25.

We have grandkids in college. Do the math. Not 25.

And then, of course, there is the mirror on the wall. Not 25.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin 

The Greatest Generation's Kids

The Greatest Generation endured the Great Depression, fought WWII to save Democracy from Fascism and built the greatest economic power the world has ever seen. They also spawned the baby boom.

I, as part of the "Baby Boomer" generation (1946-1964) the offspring of the Greatest Generation, belong to the Greatest Disappointment generation - or perhaps the Great Failure generation. We began with the youthful optimism & idealism of JFK's Best & Brightest and the promise to bring forth a better world. It went badly off the rails.

We are the "bulge inside the python", the luckiest in history living in almost continuous prosperity, catered to at every stage of our lives. That should imbue a responsibility to pay it forward, be good stewards of our environment, show empathy for those less well off and work to ensure the health and well-being of future generations.

Instead, we pull up the ladder behind us; play the "he who dies with the most toys wins" game; convincing ourselves we are the poor me victim while drawing social security and medicare coverage; opposing universal health care and a social safety net because people "might become dependent" on it. (Look up "sanctimonious"). The sad fact is, ".. them's whats gots, keeps". And endlessly pursues more. We are the "I am the Greatest" posers. But, Millennials, hang on, Boomers over 70 are are sitting on $35 trillion.

Baby Boomers occupy 68/100 Senate seats, 230/435 House seats.  Here's my recommendation:  vote 'em out. 

Of course, I generalize. None of this universally applies. But nevertheless - Gen Xer's, Millennials, Gen Z ... my apologies. 

Perhaps there is still time for restitution.  We took to the streets once .. perhaps once again beating sticks against our walkers.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin 

Gophers for Mickey

News of the election of Minnesota Twins' greats, Tony Oliva and Jim Kaat to Baseball's Hall of Fame tickled me. About time. Both were part of my treasured baseball card collection. When I was around 12 years old, I received a 25¢ /week allowance. to which I added a buck or two mowing Heggestad's & my grandfather’s lawn. (I didn’t get any extra for mowing our own). Some of my wealth had to go to the Sunday School offering but with the exception of an occasional nickel ice cream cone or a Sugar Daddy from the Dahl House, the rest went to baseball cards.  

Ray & Eva Vrooman

I almost always bought my cards at Vrooman’s Grocery.I believed their supply was fresher and less picked over than Hank’s or the Dahl House, so I only tapped those occasionally to test my theory.  And at Vrooman's, the box of cards was on the counter so you could pick out each package and use perspicacity to pick a winner.   Penny-a-piece for a card and stick of bubble gum. I don’t think McIver’s carried cards. 

Around this time, Topps switched from the single, penny-a-piece cards, each with a chunk of bubble gum, to a nickel 5-pack with just a single slab of gum. A rip-off and a kill-joy. Five pieces of bubble gum at a time worked great to create an imitation of Nellie Fox's chewing tobacco cheek. With the 5-pack you were stuck with the pre-packaged five, invariably 4 utility players & 1 recognizable player. You were left hoping for Rocky Colavito and Roy Campanella and opening Rocky Bridges and Roy McMillan.  Of course, part of the fun of collecting was trading, but no one would give up an all-star unless they had 2.

So my income was just not sufficient to cover the outlay necessary to buy the volume needed to acquire a Mantle or a Mays or a Snider.  

So I let Big Time talk me into a scheme to legally improve my financial well-being. It involved gophers. Not the University football team, rather the 4 legged variety. There were 2 targets: striped gophers and pocket gophers. The bounty on striped gophers was only a dime so it was hardly worth the effort. Pocket gophers on the other hand brought a quarter - a whole week’s allowance. Furthermore, Big Time had wrangled a deal with a farmer south of town to pay another quarter, so 50¢ per head, actually per feet. The county agent didn’t want to deal in gopher carcasses but needed proof, so a quarter was paid for gopher feet. My mother frowned on storing this evidence in the fridge until Saturday night when the county agent would appear in Lowry.

There were startup costs of course,  a gopher trap went for something like 75¢ at Hoplin Nelson hardware and I got no family discount on this purchase.

Big Time taught me the trapping ropes. Pocket gophers form mounds of dirt in farmers’ fields making them a big enough nuisance to warrant the 25¢ outlay. To set the trap you needed to find the tunnel entry along the edge of the mound. We had a steel poker to probe for it. Once found, you had to dig out the area around the tunnel opening and set the trap and anchor the chain and cover the trap over using a piece of wood to keep dirt from clogging the trap.

(I failed to note that Big Time would get me up at 6 AM to bike out to Melvin’s to check traps)

If all of this sounds like a lot of work, you are right. And to this day, I don’t know how I got talked into it. I was altogether too lazy for this to succeed. So I gave my traps to Big Time and I decided that washing my (generous) great uncle’s black Buick once a week was a far better economic arrangement and eventually I got my Mickey Mantle. Unfortunately, when I went off to Augsburg, my mother "disposed" of my card collection. Woe is I.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin 

Bob Casey's Dream Team

 

Bob Casey was the Twins Public Address Announcer for 55 years, from the beginnings of the franchise in 1961 until his death in 2005. If you are a longtime Twins fan you probably have Casey's "Now batting, #34 Kirrrrrby Puckett" well etched in your memory. 

In honor of Bob and to combat the baseball winter lockout doldrums I offer you a Twins all-star team,  a "greatest name" lineup that would tickle Bob Casey’s tonsils.  This is my take on the most announcer pleasing names in Twins history. Note: nothing official here, just my musings. 

Imagine Bob Casey’s “Now batting ..” call in your head as you read these names.

First Team 

C     A.J. Pierzynski 

1st   Doug Mientkiewicz

2nd  Tim Teufel

SS   Zoilo Versalles

3rd  Trevor Plouffe

LF   Bombo Rivera

CF   Kirby Puckett

RF   Michael Cuddyer

SP   Camilo Pascual

RP   Eddie Guardado

Second Team

C     Butch Wynegar

1st   Harmon Killebrew

2nd  Steve Lombardozzi

SS   Christian Guzman

3rd  Mike Pagliarulo

LF   Cesar Tovar

CF   Torii Hunter

RF   Tony Oliva

SP   Mudcat Grant

RP   Rick Aguilara

Honorable Mention

Mike Cubbage, Tom Brunansky, Sal Butera, Dan Gladden, Kent Hrbek, Gary Gaetti, Bert Blyleven

Can you come up with a better lineup?

                        

 Bonus question. Did Tim Teufel ever face Jim Gott?  If so, what was the outcome?

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin