L'etoile du Nord

I know. This is my 2nd French titled blog post this month. Désolé. I promise not to repeat this faux pas.  

Most Americans can identify Minnesota on a US map. It has a unique shape, easily differentiated from North Dakota. Beyond that, I suspect few know more of our region. Perhaps "Land of 10,000 Lakes" (it's actually 12,000+ by the way. Don't tell anyone, but Wisconsin has more). They may know us as the home of lots of Scandinavians (there are actually more Germans in Minnesota than any other nationality). Outside the 5 state area, we are "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma". [I stole that from Winston Churchill, however he was referring to the Soviet Union, not Minnesota. He'd never heard of Minnesota.]

The Minnesota State Motto is "L'etoile du Nord" - Star of the North - adopted in 1861 at the behest of Governor Henry Hastings Sibley. To me it’s overly pretentious for our humble state. French? Really? Star? Really? Our state seal is downright embarrassing. We have a big lake named "Superior". We have Grand Rapids, Grand Marais, Grand Meadow, Grand Casino but then we also have Little Canada and Embarrass. Once we had a hockey team called “North Stars”- they were poached by Dallas (Hockey in Texas? The place with stars on chests and helmets? Uffda.) 

Anyway, from whence cometh our Texas-like posturing? In the 1861, we were out on the edge of civilization, the new kid on the map, only 3 years into statehood and a Civil War looming. We were desperately trying to attract immigrants, competing with Chicago and Illinois, the home of Lincoln. We were the lost, the forgotten, the forsaken. What to do? Brazen it out. Minnesota answers the call. We will lead. Lafayette, we are here. We are Stars. 

Completely out of character. But on the other hand, the Mississippi River has its source in Minnesota at Lake Itasca - a major missed opportunity naming fail.

I have lived in Minnesota all my life excepting a couple brief periods for University and overseas work. So I am a consummate insider. Minnesotans and Minnesota culture are my bailiwick. This however only applies to my own generation. Gen-X, Millennial, Gen-Z, Gen-Alpha baffle me. 

(Caveat: all views expressed hereunder are my own.  Any resulting outrage should be directed my way.)

What really defines Minnesota and Minnesotans, beyond the How to Talk Minnesotan, Ole & Lena Jokes and snide Left/Right coaster stereotypes?  

Minnesota Nice. Believe it or not, this is mostly true. Minnesotans, as a rule, are nice. We give generously to charity, volunteer profusely and are genuinely kind. If you need a post-hole digger, your neighbor would be happy to loan it to you and perhaps give you operating instructions. If a tree blows down, your neighbor will appear with a chain saw - but won’t trust you to operate it. Get stuck in the snow and you'll soon have 4 burly guys giving you a push. And every community has someone who bakes too much (on purpose) and tells you you are doing her a favor by taking some. But “Minnesota Nice” is more "Welcome Wagon Nice" than "We should be friends, nice". Minnesotans like to maintain their personal space - about 4 ft. You can have all kinds of friendly exchanges with Minnesotans but it’s difficult to become a friend of a Minnesotan. But if you do enter that circle of trust, you will not find a better one. But then try to say goodbye in under an hour. [Caution, this niceness is not universal - see Minnesota Not So Nice]

Minnesota Stoic.  This is mostly true. We live in a harsh climate, although that seems to be changing rather rapidly. We tolerate -20°F winter cold and 100°F summer heat with little complaint. "Hot 'nuff for ya?"  "Pretty brisk today, ain't it?" There are also a greater percentage of introverts here than the national average, so you need to be patient in conversation. We tend to disagree with "hmm" or "interesting" or "that's different" and and agree with "uh-huh" or "oh boy". Once we get comfortable with you - say 5-10 years - we will engage in deeper conversations. 

Minnesota Language.  Uffda, there are books on this subject.  O-fer Pete's sake, get the Juicy Lucy, forever more. You betcha ... [supply your favorite] But we got slandered in that Fargo movie.  Fargo isn't even in Minnesota.

Minnesota Work Ethic.  We have a reputation of being hard working, dependable, competent and uncomplaining. Mostly true. We do bristle - not to be mistaken with expressing displeasure - at being taken for granted or being denigrated individually or as a group. Particularly by "outsiders".

Minnesota Humble. Pretty universal. Do good work, avoid the limelight. But, if truth be known, we appreciate praise as much as anyone else but we are clumsy in giving or accepting it. "Oh, it was nothing."  "I really couldn't have done it without (list of a dozen others)" - don't forget someone or you'll deal with the silent seethe for awhile.    

Minnesota Drivers. Bad. Somewhat true. We have developed a specific freeway maneuver - the "Minnesota Merge". Almost everywhere, on entering a freeway, it is the responsibility of the merging vehicle to assure collisions are avoided. Adjust your speed, brake or accelerate to merge with traffic. We do it different. Barrel down the entrance ramp with your foot to the floor and expect traffic to slow or shift left to let you in. Blinker/mirror/backward glance optional. And those roundabouts?  We just drive straight over the middle of 'em.

Minnesota Cuisine. Uffda, nay, what to say. It's true we are not that adventuresome when it comes to diet. We like what we like and don't see much reason to wander, except for 10 days at the State Fair. Then we howl, eating everything possible on a stick, including impossible burgers and deep fried Snickers. But ordinarily, our plate is pretty much dominated by whitish food - chicken or pork, mashed potatoes, maybe some creamed-corn for a dash of color, wild rice soup. Lots of coffee with plenty of cream, vanilla ice cream. Maybe a tater-tot hotdish for a changeup. (hotdish, not casserole). We don't generally go in for exotics like baked eggplant or sushi or too many spices. But we do love a good apple pie and church basement lutefisk suppers that always include a Swedish meatball option for the rare lutefisk averse. Add the requisite red jello topped with banana slices (called "salad" hereabouts) that melts all over the plate. 

Minnesota Recreation. On the sports scene, the aspire to be average gets a little old after 50 years or so. I'm pretty much tired of the character building, suffer in silence approach to fandom. But - thank you Lynx for the moments of jubilation. Mostly, we cope by heading up north. We all have lake cabins - except for me. We escape every summer weekend and frequently in the winter when we sit on a bucket in a little shack and stare into a hole in the ice hoping to eyeball a walleye. (Don't tell anyone but a lot of these up north places are in Wisconsin.)

Minnesota Frugal. The Scots have nothing on us. Look for us at garage sales (no, not tag sale or yard sale, even if you have no garage), Thrift Stores and early-bird senior specials. We are frenetic coupon clippers. But I draw the line at reusing paper napkins or recycling old underwear elastic as rubber bands (not binders) or driving 10 miles to find a 2¢ saving on gas.

Minnesota Wit. We are half compared to the rest of the country. But the charge that we are humorless is just pure slander. Why, just the other day, I heard a joke so funny, I almost laughed.

So in view of all this, I humbly propose changing our state motto to:

Nous ne sommes pas si spéciaux

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin

Apologies, Mr. Paulson

 

English 12:  F

See me!

Editor note: I recently published the post reproduced here below, replete with grammatical and usage errors and readers were challenged to pick them out.  Just ain't got no excuses, so enclosed please find the enclosed enclosure.

===

English is screwy.  Speaking it is simple; little kids can do it. Written English is another story. Grammar, spelling and so, so many words to chose from.

As a blog author, I am of course concerned with proper grammar, mainly to avoid embarrassment. But some of you out their [there] are overly sensitive to it’s [its] misuse. You know whom you are (and so do I).  [Tricky. Probably "who" rather than "whom" but a case could be made for whom as the object of  know;"you know whom" but I think "who you are?” rules the day. Appeal to grammar police.] This post’s [Correct. This post is ..] for you, and all other grammaphobes. [I don't think grammaphobe is a word, unless you are afraid of your grandmother] Your [You're] the target audience. Your head may literally explode. [Literally? I think not] I expect that a some of you will require psychiatric care if you read to the end. 

Disclaimer: I will not accept any liability for personal injury.

OK, bare with me. [Please no. bear] I think this might peak [Could be, but I doubt it. pique] your interest.

First off, let’s get this ending a sentence with a supposition [preposition] out of the way right away [Department of redundancy department. "First off" / "right away", one or the other]. No less then [than] famed orator Winston Churchill has debunked this. “This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which I will not put.”

And give the power of the lowly comma it’s do [due]. A panda walks into a bar. “Eats, shoots and leaves.” (Alternatively, “Eats shoots and leaves.”) [Plagiarism caution.  This is taken. See https://smile.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Tolerance-Punctuation-ebook/dp/B000OIZSVY]

I love words and word play. I credit this that since before school age, my mother read to me.[Prepositional phrase reference. My mother read to me before she was school age.] So, in gratitude, I throw mom from the present a kiss. [Similarly, who or what am I throwing?] Furthermore, I past [passed] grammar school, so I am imminently [eminently] qualified to blogify [hmm] - ponderous and frivolous, he writes his prose. [What or who is ponderous and frivolous? He or his prose (or both)] I pledge to boldly [split infinitive] split infinitives, to diligently [split infinitive] endeavor to completely [split infinitive] annoy you. Of course, theres [there's] really no consequences for these errors. So I go, threw [through] the glass darkly.

I recently read Louise Erdich [Erdich's] The Master Butchers Singing Club. [Italicized book title is correct] I thought of launching such a business but I would need a couple of tenors for sausages and a couple sopranos for liverwurst. [tenors and sopranos are not that tasty] Everyone are [is. Everyone is singular] against the idea, so since I always be [am] realistic, I should of [have] known better and nipped the idea in the butt.[Possibly acceptable, but commonly, nipped in the bud]

After decline for the past few months, I need some new strategies with my blog. [What's declining, me or my blog? (or both)] Bloggers are always trying to increase readership. Thats [That's] the straw that beds the calf pen.[Strictly speaking, grammatically correct, but strange in this context. The cliche "straw that stirs the drink" is expected.] But what could provide the desired affect? [effect. hope you didn't miss this one] Maybe a dramatic change. [This is not a sentence, but given the previous question, perhaps acceptable] I am determined to make my future posts more inciteful. [Technically correct, but probably 'insightful' is the word intended] However, I could care less about numbers. [Actually, I could care less.  I couldn't care less is true.] I know y'all [Southern usage] like critics more than me. [Do you like critics more than me? Or do you like critics more than I like critics?]

So.  How did you do? Mr. P's comments would have been more ruthless and probably found several more mistakes.

Copyright ©  2021  Dave Hoplin