Snootism

I am a self-confessed nerd. I prefer the "single-minded expert" rather than the "lacking social skills and boringly studious" definition. Nerds are usually associated with computer technology or technology in general. This is certainly a significant subset and I have more than a toe dipped in that pool. But there is more than one breed of nerd. I happen to also be a baseball nerd. Can you name the World Series winners from the beginning of the modern era, 1903 (Boston Americans) to the 2017 champions (Houston Astros), remembering there were 2 years without a World Series? The Civil War. Can you name all the major battles and generals? US presidents? How fast can you name them off? All interesting subjects for me to write about, perhaps not for you to read about.

I also am an English language nerd. I own Lynn Truss' book. I have read Steven Pinker's "The Language Instinct" & "The Stuff of Thought". I know Noam Chomsky has posited a "universal grammar" common to all language. I have taken an online class on the "History of the English Language". I have watched PBS' "Story of English" series. I know that languages are constantly changing, American English perhaps more than any other. Here's a sample of what passed for English in Chaucer's time ..

"The firste vertue, sone, if thou wilt lere,
Is to restreine and kepen wel thy tonge."
[Editor note: Good advice in any language]

And there's the language legend that the English tongue fumbled on "flutterby" and transposed it to "butterfly". And "pot to carry" became apothecary. There are endless fascinations.

So you see I get into this. This is in complete disregard of a warning that appeared in a review of Bryan A. Garner's book, "A Dictionary of Modern American Usage (aka ADMAU). From Mr. Garner's bio: "I realized early that my primary intellectual interest was the English language and discovering Partridge's 'Usage & Abusage', I was enthralled." The reviewer's comment on this admission was that Garner failed to acknowledge the significant social cost for an adolescent whose passion is the English language. Swirlies and so forth.

Nevertheless, it is what it is. We obsessives self-mockingly refer to ourselves as "Snoots".  David Foster Wallace (more on DFW later), defines Snoot as "someone who knows what dysphemism means and doesn't mind letting you know it. We know we know and how few other Americans do and we judge them accordingly. We are the few, the proud, the more or less constantly appalled."

Snoots tend be inordinately represented in universities, largely older white male, trending toward the bow-tie. Think William Safire or John Houseman in Paper Chase.

Cringe-worthy cases in point:

• "True facts" - perhaps these days, it's not so strange sounding
• "Irregardless" - really
• "Invaluable" - as opposed to valuable I presume
• "Surrounded on all sides"
• "Merge together"
• "Beyond the pail"
• "I thought to myself"
• ".. died in an apartment Dr. Kervorkian was leasing after inhaling carbon monoxide"
• "There are many reasons why lawyers lie, some better than others.

Makes you dig your nails into your palms?  OK, maybe not. (And why is "trough" pronounced troff and "through" pronounced thru?)

So, there's the context. I confess to Snootitude - but ... I almost always manage to suppress its anti-social urges.

I recently discovered the essay "Authority & Usage", one in a collection of essays titled "Consider the Lobster" by David Foster Wallace*. Authority & Usage is couched in the form of a review of Garner's ADMAU. The review runs 62 pages. David Foster Wallace considers Garner a "genius". The review delves into highly technical academic approaches to language analytics: Prescriptiveness vs. Descriptiveness,  Democratic Spirit in writing,  ... well beyond the interest level of mere mortals. But there is plenty there to interest the common man, even if you're not a Snoot.

The ADMAU itself is like a standard dictionary in that you look up words, not for meaning but usage. And while it is a serious academic "writing prescription", it also injects humor, be it of the nerd variety. Every Snoot should own a copy. Garner provides word use guidance but also adds commentary. e.g.

•    "There are, of course, many ways writers can get it wrong. So they do."
•    "You'll find more cliches in modern writing than you can shake a stick at."
•    "While you can use contractions to good advantage, you may stumble if you contract recklessly. ... generally avoid 'it'd' ... 'who're'."

The ADMAU is a tome of academia and supports the dialect of the ruling class, the powerful, the prestigious: SWE - Standard Written English - which is the purview of your common Snoot and enforced in college writing classes. There are, of course,  many US English dialects and in fact you are likely fluent in more than one: Black-English, Latino-English, Rural South, Ozark, Boston Brahmin, Boston Blue Collar, Bronx, Maine Yankee, Appalachian, Cajun, Upper Midwest, Pacific Northwest, Rocky Mountain, East Texas, Medical School (jargon), Adolescent South-Park, Twitter, Computereze (jargon), Starbuck's barista (jargon), Sports (jargon),  etc ... There may be as many sub-dialects as US communities. People naturally switch between dialects in different situations. You probably don't even notice you're doing it. Many jargons (IMHO) exist primarily to obfuscate and make your particular domain of expertise look difficult and closed to intruders. Who dreamt up ctl-alt-del? And is it dreamt or dreamed?

There's a difference between meaningful and grammatical. English is actually extremely flexible. Most any word order sentence understood can be. "Did you see the car keys of me?" wouldn't pass any Snoot-test but the meaning comes across. A bear attack announced as "That ursine monster does essay to sup upon my person" would pass a grammar test but might fail a survival test.

"Correctness" can be in the ear of the behearer. Winston Churchill famously objected to the ending a sentence with a preposition law: "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." 

One final topic, perhaps a precarious one, "Political Correctness". PC is covered extensively in the DFW review. Personally, I applaud eliminating terms that are racist or patently offensive to groups of people. You well know those I mean. Skunk words. Long overdue. But to demand a term like "disabled" become "differently-abled" or "economically disadvantaged" replace "poor" seems patronizing, intended principally to demonstrate the speaker's "high moral position" rather than true concern. Terms like these identify real problems in our country and need to be addressed seriously. This language politics changes the focus from the real problems onto language about them and can block (my opinion) actions to address these societal issues. When you spend your time arguing about language, it's easy for opponents of change to maintain the status quo. And that's all I've got to say about that.

So if your are menaced by a "Snoot Curse", take the advice of one of my sage friends. Treat offenders as a "hidden jewels", sent to you by God to improve your character - and bite your lip.

There, Their, They're - you'll be just fine.


Copyright © 2018 Dave Hoplin

Constructive comments, including grammar corrections, are welcome, but snide Snoot inspired remarks will be suppressed.

* David Foster Wallace was an author, university teacher of English & Creative Writing - and a genius. As with too many so afflicted, he suffered deep depression and died by his own hand in 2008.