This Is Unfortunately True

We launch into the Christmas season, traditionally the time of Glad Tidings and Good Will.  We seem to be failing the Good Will part. I am dismayed.

I recently read Amor Towle's "Rules of Civility" set in 1930's Manhattan and from that reading it is clear that back then people were far more polite than we, even through The Great Depression.  

And if you go back farther to George Washington's Rules of Civility, there was a politeness rule book.

1. If you cough, sneeze, sigh, or yawn, do it not loudly but privately and put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.
2. Shift not yourself in the sight of others nor gnaw your nails.
3. Be no flatterer.
4. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
5. If anyone come to speak to you while you are sitting stand up 
6. In walking the highest place in most countries seems to be on the right hand therefore place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to honor
7. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
8. Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curse nor revile.
9. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.
10. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for tis better to be alone than in bad company.
11. A man ought not to value himself of his achievements, or rare qualities of wit; much less of his riches virtue or kindred.
12. Detract not from others neither be excessive in commanding.
13. Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.
14. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions.
15. Drink not nor talk with your mouth full.
16. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

And even farther back, there is Aristotle

1. Name your fears and face them

2. Know your appetites and control them

3. Be neither a cheapskate nor a spendthrift

4. Give as generously as you can

5. Focus more on the transcendent; disregard the trivial

6. True strength is a controlled temper

7. Never lie, especially to yourself

8. Stop struggling for your fair share

9. Forgive others and forbear their weaknesses

10. Define your morality; live up to it, even in private

So here we are in the 21st century and it seems civility is a lost virtue and our kinder selves are in submission to our baser selves.  Societal pressure to "behave" seems to have no effect.   

So we see 

• Congressional misconduct: Seems a bit worse than the "normal" misbehavior: gold bars in a Senator's closet; the election of a fraud and fabulist practicing political donor identity theft yielding expulsion; censures, name calling, profanity, threats, physical attacks (clean kidney shots) and other dodgy behaviors inside and outside the halls of Congress. These are echos of pre-Civil War Congressional conduct. We have a Congress where way too many members are there to become famous rather than to accomplish something. And the quickest route to notoriety these days is bad behavior.  24/7 media eats that stuff up. And that bad behavior gives license to the rest of US.
• Barely concealed bribery of Supreme Court justices
• Nearly daily "unruly airline passengers" incidents. See also restaurants. Or anywhere there's a line or a service person.
• Road rage epidemic. Advice: resist the temptation to thrust your hand out the driver side window. The three-lane freeway near me has become the 75, 80, 85 mph lane raceway.
• A marked physical assault uptick, particularly against hospital nurses. Against nurses!
• School board meeting hissy fits.
• A presidential candidate refers to people as "vermin".
• Will Smith smacks Chris Rock at the Oscars.  Good grief.
• Thanksgiving Day family fissures
• ... and this list will surely grow by tomorrow

What kind of people are we becoming? There is an epidemic of rude behavior and this rudeness begets more rudeness. It's a contagion. I am no psychologist but we are nation divided into tribes, enabled by isolating social media. And isolation breeds narcissism and loneliness, which breeds anger & victimhood and here we are in a tribal warfare world. 

But the true tragedy of this is that from rudeness to hate us but a short hop. The dramatic increase in hate crime, of overt persecution and incidents of violence against Jews, Moslems, Blacks, Asians, LGBTQ makes it imperative that we, the safe and secure, raise our voices against these outrages. Do we sit idly by and watch the world relive the 1930’s? I hope we might have learned from history. Edmund Burke once wisely noted, “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good people do nothing.” 

As we Lutherans are apt to say, this is unfortunately true. So, let's step back and take a deep breath people. We don't have to memorize Washington's rules.  We simply need to abide by the Golden Rule:  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  Add to that a daily random act of kindness to help move the needle towards good will.

Be careful. Be brave.  Blessings to you all.  

Copyright ©  2023  Dave Hoplin